Bill O'Reilly Spreads the Love
As we wrote before, you're staring to hear the phrase "San Francisco values" thrown around and around and not in a good way, more in a trying to scare the bejeesus out of Mr. and Mrs. Red State kind of way. But what exactly do people mean by "San Francisco values."
Last week, San Francisco's #1 fan, Bill O'Reilly finally told his elderly and half-senile audience just what "San Francisco Values" are. And what are they? Well, let's go to the transcript, shall we?
"Nancy Pelosi is a committed secular progressive who embraces San Francisco values. Those are: a massive federal government that dispenses entitlements paid for primarily by affluent Americans. That is called income redistribution, or the shorthand: "tax the rich." San Francisco values also seek to exclude spirituality from the public square but embrace displays like the Bay City's gay pride parade, where Christianity is often mocked and demeaned.Now, I'm not saying Congresswoman Pelosi is on board with that, but I am saying her district wants to ban military recruiting while setting up city-wide pot shops, and that San Francisco is now perhaps the most far-left city the United States has ever seen."
Well, you know what, that doesn't sound that bad now does it. Considering all the stuff that's been thrown our way lately, we were afraid he'd call us something like God-hating tofu eating gay sodomites or a bunch of tree-hugging anarchist hippie commies, but he didn't. And, you know, actually none of that sounds really that bad, but then of course we like San Francisco values enough that we live here. We like our actual tax money to go things like "entitlements" which is what people refer to when the Government supports something they don't agree with, like helping poor people or health care. We do wonder, however, which Gay Pride parade he attended that featured lots of mocking and demeaning of Christianity.
Oh, Bill, what is it that makes you hate us so? Did you have a bad experience here? Did you take the brown acid while cruising through Golden Gate Park? Did some hippie chick named Amber or Sonora turn you down once while vacationing? Come on, Bill, how could you not love it here? Everyone else who visits us loves us. It's why we have so many damn tourists here. How could you not? We have beautiful scenery and great restaurants and really fun things to do. And best part of coming here, Bill, is that if you put just a little effort into it, you really could find anything you'd want here. And that includes things with loofahs, falafels, and vibrators.