There's usually two ways we go about doing this. One of them is to compare something in sports to something in pop culture. Like "What Member of the 2006 Yankees is Like a cast-member of 'Saved by the Bell'" or "the Giants outfield is pretty much the baseball equivelant of Larry, Darryl, and Darryl." The other way is to break something down by relating something to quotes from some popular form of entertainment.

So, in keeping with this tradition, we here at SFist will break down the upcoming NFL season with quotes from one of our favorite personages of pop culture-- Moliere. Cause nothing says American football like Enlightenment-era French dramatists. Grab a seat, put on some chamber music, and put on your favorite wig as SFist takes a look at the new NFL year!