Ahhh. Beautiful San Francisco! Apparently our "little city by the bay" is full of single woman who "just can't seem to find love on their own." Yay! These two love coaches are going to help every last one of them, right?

Nah, just these "lucky" four.

Meet Anne, "The Girl Next Door." She doesn't have a job, unless you count being a bridesmaid in seven different weddings a job. Her problem? She doesn't know how to send out "I'm available" signals to guys. But she does like sitting on ocean rocks and reading. Comfy!

Next is Kris, corporate litigator by day and fun-loving party girl by night. Most boring superhero character ever! Kris's problem? She's a slut. Uh, we mean she goes on "too many dates with the wrong guys." There she is, drinking red wine and screaming "Wooo!" Classic.

Michelle is a "no-nonsense" trial lawyer who knows "what, when, and how she likes it." Whoa. There's Michelle, writing in her journal! There's Michelle sitting on a bench in Washington Square park! There's Michelle sitting next to a window, typing on her laptop! And all the time...alone. Oh, Michelle. She needs to "open her heart to the unexpected." And never, ever wear that orange striped top again.

And Alissa, the requisite San Francisco hippie of the group. She's a "spiritual massage therapist" (does that mean she massages your spirit?) who's "completely in touch with the universe." We see her sitting in some kind of seance, wearing something suitably flowy, stating that this is the year she will find her life partner, and she looks like she's about to bust out laughing. Join the crowd, girl! Alissa needs to date outside of her comfort zone. In other words, she needs to try some guys who don't smell like patchouli, and actually hold down day jobs.

"Sooner or later, love is gonna getcha...."