Well, this complicates the push for pandas. A new report by an SF Zoo oversight commission describes the facility as “dilapidated,” “extremely outdated,” and says parts of the zoo are even “crawling with rodents.”

It’s no secret that the Oakland Zoo is just a way better zoo than the San Francisco Zoo. The Oakland Zoo routinely takes in and rescues injured animals, and they have magnificent attractions like Glowfari and an aerial gondola. The 95-year-old San Francisco Zoo lags in terms of these attractions and animal welfare benefits, was hit with a Chronicle exposé on safety conditions this year, and has faced longstanding charges of nepotism in its leadership.

Oh, and some of you may remember a certain Christmas Day 2007 incident involving Tatiana the Tiger.  

The SF Zoo just got hit with its worst news in quite some time, as the Chronicle brings word of a new report describing the zoo as “unsafe for visitors and animals.” That report also describes the zoo as “dilapidated,” “extremely outdated,” and says that at the zoo’s enclosure for one species of monkeys, “Zoo staff report the cages are also crawling with rodents.”

The full 11-page report is from a city commission called the San Francisco Animal Control and Welfare Commission (which is entirely separate from the city department SF Animal Care & Control). “Many of the zoo's enclosures are extremely outdated and fail to meet the criteria outlined above from an animal welfare perspective," the report says, per KTVU. "Parts of the zoo are best described as dilapidated.”

While the zoo does meet the minimum accreditation standards of the set by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums (AZA) licensing authority, unlike the beleaguered Aquarium by the Bay in Fisherman’s Wharf, it does not exceed these standards by much.

The report is particularly critical of a lion habitat. “We had difficulty locating the lone lion hiding under a concrete table in a WPA-era habitat (90 years old),” according to the report. “The safety measures to meet the AZA and USDA enclosure requirements are minimal and even more frightening — unsafe for the animals and visitors.”

The report also complains that a kangaroo habitat lacks running water, a gorilla habitat often floods during heavy rains, and notes a koala habitat that “can only hold one koala at a time. Currently, the zoo has three koalas, which means two cannot go outside daily."

And if you’re a Moo Deng fan, you may know the zoo has a pygmy hippo, but the reports says his “outdoor pool has no heater. They are a western African species that live in a warm and humid climate, not San Francisco temperatures.”

This controversy will inevitably extend to Mayor London Breed’s quest to get pandas at the zoo, though Breed’s team is somehow spinning this as a positive for the panda push.

“The mayor agrees the zoo is in need of revitalization, which is why bringing a global attraction such as the pandas would be ideal — to expedite and invest in improvements and enhancements where necessary,” Breed spokesperson Parisa Safarzadeh told the Chronicle.

That may be good spin, but the city is running a giant deficit and making budget cuts. Counting on the panda attraction to somehow create revenue that provides the zoo a suitable habitat for those bears may be, well, putting the cart before the pandas.

Related: Board of Supervisors Approves Mayor's Plan to Tap Wealthy Donors and Companies For Panda Money [SFist]

Image: Jonathan L. via Yelp

At the Zoological Wildlife Conservation Center and the Sloth Captive Husbandry Center in Rainier, Oregon, "sleepovers" are being offered for animal lovers who want to hang out with adorable sloths for a night — which is the time of day when these slow, tree-hanging creatures are most active.

ABC 7 picked up the story about the sleepovers, which don't come cheap: it's $1200 for a group of four people, and $300 for each additional person. You get to feed the sloths while hanging out in double-occupancy tenants and talking only in "library voices," and it's not like you're necessarily going to do a ton of sleeping since you may be getting to feed the sloths up to eight times.

On their website the center stresses that these are meant to be educational experiences, not entertainment, and that they are not a zoo. But proceeds from programs like the sleepovers go to help the center's mission, which they claim is to learn sloth husbandry practices for better conservation of the endangered animals as their habitats are destroyed.

Also, sort of frighteningly, the center promises a "bonus" (for as long as Federal Regulations will allow) "brief interactive 'Mystery Creature' intro encounter prior to departure (subject to species change and cancellation without notice)."

Eek.

A reputable sloth conservation organization, meanwhile, is calling attention to the fact that all may not be as it seems at this Portland-area sloth husbandry outfit.

The Sloth Conservation Foundation has looked into the organization, and they have several major concerns. First of all, where are they getting the sloths and why are they bringing them to Oregon? "Oregon seems like a strange place for a sloth ‘sanctuary,’" they write. "Sloths are only found in the rainforests of Central and South America and... the center claims that they work with logging companies in South America and offer an alternative home for the displaced animals. However, there is a glaring problem with that story. If a patch of forest is indeed being cleared, the resident sloths should simply be relocated to a nearby forest reserve. There is absolutely no need, nor excuse, for adult, wild sloths to be exported to the U.S. for any reason."

Secondly, they say this supposed research center "has published a grand total of zero scientific research papers... Despite having maintained hundreds of sloths in captivity for almost 30 years for 'research purposes.'"

Something to consider when considering their insistence that they are not a zoo.

Elly the Eastern black rhinoceros, the oldest surviving member of her species in the United States who has delighted San Franciscans for nearly four decades with her docile, plodding presence, died last Wednesday, May 3 at the San Francisco Zoo. She was 46.

Her death was confirmed in a Monday statement from the San Francisco Zoo. KTVU reports that Elly was anesthetized after a surgery on one of her legs showed that she had been enduring extreme pain. The zoo’s team of veterinarian experts determined that her quality of life had deteriorated such that the humane decision would be to not wake her from surgery.

Elly arrived at the San Francisco Zoo as the young calf seen above on April 16, 1975. She has bred healthily over the years, but the endangered Eastern black rhino species — now surviving only in Africa and in zoos, where they are still often poached for their horns — has dwindled to just above 5,000 worldwide.

“As one of our longest-standing residents, Elly was an outstanding animal ambassador for the endangered black rhino species, which faces continued risk from poaching, mainly for its horn," San Francisco Zoo & Gardens president Tanya M. Peterson said in a statement picked up by CBS 5. "We are grateful to have celebrated many wonderful years with Elly, and she will be dearly missed by the Zoo team as well as millions of guests who connected with and cared for her."

In lieu of flowers, the San Francisco Zoo family has asked mourners for donations to the International Rhino Foundation to continue supporting the viable populations of the five remaining rhino species across the world.

Elly was fond of watermelons, mud, and smashing pumpkins (not the band, but the literal act of destroying the gourds for her amusement.) She is survived by 14 calves, 15 grand-calves, six great grand-calves, and one great great grand-calf. According to the zoo, her 8-year-old grandson Boone also lived at the SF Zoo’s rhino habitat, and was named for former 49ers guard Alex Boone.

Related: Koko The Gorilla Slaps The Bass With Flea Of Red Hot Chili Peppers

A photo posted by @sllollaryee on Aug 19, 2016 at 12:00pm PDT

"This is a day I won't ever forget in my life," Flea, née Michael Peter Balzary, a founding member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, says absent-mindedly while lying on the ground near Koko the gorilla, to whom he has ceded bass guitar playing duties. What Flea can and cannot remember at this point in his long rock and roll career god only knows, but certainly the encounter with Koko is memorable.

While Koko's bass skills don't match Flea's, her dexterity and intelligence are undisputed. Koko was at home at the Gorilla Foundation, a Woodside, California-based institution formed in 1976 in part to to care for her. The gorilla was born in the the San Francisco Zoo in 1971, and became famous for her fluency in sign language.

Related: Koko The Gorilla Mourns Robin Williams

Looking for a fun and free spring break activity? Watch Sequoia fly at 2:30pm at Byxbee @FriendsJMZ #sequoiatheeagle pic.twitter.com/KidwWOdLzt

— Sequoia the Eagle (@PaloAlto_Eagle) April 6, 2015

A beloved Palo Alto Zoo bald eagle named Sequoia flew away during a zoo demonstration on Monday and zoo officials were "desperate" for her safe return. But don't worry, there's a happy ending!

Much like the salty former First Lady in the underrated 1990s film, Guarding Tess, the 28-year-old female eagle likes to outwit her devoted keepers and sneak out for the occasional joyride. Sequoia usually returns within an hour or so but for the first time in a lifetime of captivity, the eagle had been missing for days.

When she was just five months old, Sequoia was found suffering from gunshot wounds in Humboldt County. (The Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act of 1940 makes shooting an eagle illegal, but people are the worst.) Sequoia can fly, but thanks to the guy who shot her, not well enough to hunt and catch food.

John Aikin has been with Sequoia since her rescue and arrival at the San Francisco Zoo in 1988, where Aikin then worked. Aiken eventually took on the role as Director of the Palo Alto Junior Museum and Zoo, and Sequoia eventually moved to join him.

“We’ve grown and changed a lot in those years,” Aikin told the Chronicle.

Aiken was beside himself over Sequoia's escape, telling the Chronicle, "I am desperate to find her and bring her home safely."

Sequoia was spotted flying around West Palo Alto on Tuesday afternoon, and her radio transmitter picked up her location on Thursday. Friday morning, according to her Twitter account, she was found safe, and is headed home.

In a code "red panda" cuteness emergency, one of the five most adorable creatures at Sequoia Park Zoo in Eureka has escaped. I repeat: Masala the red panda is on the loose.

“She should be getting pretty hungry for bamboo right now,” Zoo Manager Gretchen Ziegler told the North Coast Journal of the presumably daring escape, which occurred between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m. yesterday. However, there is plenty of bamboo out there in the wild, and it's possible Masala has got her paws on some.

"We have no idea how she got over the fence,” Ziegler said. “It’s contained red pandas since it was built. Animals can do things you can’t imagine. We’re going to try to figure it out.”

"Zoo staff are concerned for her safety," Ziegler and team wrote in a Facebook post. "The last unconfirmed sighting was at 3 a.m. near H Street and the Golf Course. Cal Fire will be looking for her in the forest. She is wild, and the size of a large domestic cat. And she eats bamboo. If you see her, please do not approach, but immediately call Gretchen Ziegler, Zoo Manager. 707-499-3668. If you would like to volunteer to help find her, please call 707-442-5649 x 203."

In case Masala is sighted, a portable kennel is near the zoo office at the ready, stocked with bamboo and an oversized net.

According to the World Wildlife Fund, "red pandas are very skillful and acrobatic animals that predominantly stay in trees." There are fewer than 10,000 individuals in the species and, scientifically speaking, they are very lovable.

Related: In Circle Of Life, SF Zoo Welcomes Lion Cub

The animals of the Oakland Zoo were a little late in the holiday celebration but they frolicked among Christmas trees yesterday. Of course, these were the discarded trees you didn't want anymore.

Otters, giraffes, elephants and meerkats frolicked among the discarded trees, which is sort of heartwarming. The zookeepers hid special food and scents in the trees for each of them.

Courtesy of Steven Goodall, Oakland Zoo

The trees will be like a weird scent game for the animals. Just like your cat loves a new box or piece of furniture, these guys love new toys. Zookeepers will even move an christmas tree from the meerkat enclosure over to the lions', which will be catnip for them I bet.

Photo: SF Zoo, via Marianne Hale

And now, for your late afternoon moment of awwww, we give you an alligator's affection for a turtle, care of the folks at the San Francisco Zoo.

In a jarring move sure to send local drag queens running for the glass pipe, the San Francisco Zoo plans to rename a new Siberian tiger "Martha." Which wouldn't be so criminal if its given name, "Shasta," weren't so rad. SF Appeal reports: "The 10-year-old, 295 lb white Siberian tiger, currently named 'Shasta,' has been renamed Martha, after SFZS Board member Barnaby Conrad III successfully bid $20K to name her in honor of his wife, Martha Sutherland."

While that's all well and good, and we tip our hat to Mrs. Sutherland and Edward Albee's masterpiece, the name Martha never gave us an earworm like this. Also, why pay loads of cash to renane an animal, especially after someone who's still alive? Zoo animals are not benches or plaques.

Sad news, folks. This week at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom in Vallejo, the oldest elephant in the U.S. died. Taj, an Asian elephant, passed away on Monday. The Association of Zoos and Aquariums lists her birth year as 1940.

"She was first mentioned in records was in 1970, when she became a lead elephant for Circus Vargas, " reports SF Appeal. "Taj traveled the country as a performing circus elephant until 1976, when she was given to the Hari Krishna religious group, which used her as a symbolic part of their ceremonies" until she became too "unruly" for the cult group.

She was then transferred to Six Flags Discovery Kingdom in 1978. RIP, big lady.

[SF Appeal]

Reindeer Holly, Velvet, Peppermint, and Belle arrived at the San Francisco Zoo this morning for the annual Reindeer Romp, which runs through New Year's Day. See more photos on Flickr and Facebook.

In addition to two new capybaras (the world's largest living rodents), the San Francisco Zoo welcomes this week-old flamingo chick to the family. Here the baby bird stands next to its father.

The chick is among three that hatched since last Friday from San Francisco Zoo's Chilean flamingo colony.

Photo: AP Photo/Jeff Chiu

You know the baby gorilla born at SF Zoo? The one whose biological mother abandoned it? Well, SF Zoo needs you help naming the tyke.

According to reports, "the contest runs from February 12 through March 5 and is open to children five years and older and to adults." The baby gorilla's name, however will not be picked by zoo officials; instead, "the animal's father, Oscar Jonesy, a dominant silverback gorilla, will get the final say." (The hell?) Judges will choose five names, "each attached to sticks of bamboo." The first stick Jonesy touches will be the winning name. So, you know, it chance will have a lot to do with it.

The winner will receive a zoo family membership "for the zoo closest to the winner's place of residency," a large gorilla stuffed animal, a framed photo of the infant gorilla with a footprint, a thirty minute Q&A with a gorilla keeper (either in person, via phone or internet depending on location of winner), and a gorgeous, black-market gorilla pelt. (Har.)

Oh, and we think "Bean" is a perfect name. "Bean" for the win!

You can enter to win at SFZoo.org.