Culinary punchline Guy Fieri, host of the Food Network's Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, now plans on squishing his toes into the wine-making game. According to Press Democrat, the noted shouter purchased a five-acre vineyard of pinot noir grapes in the Russian River Valley and "submitted an application to open a wine tasting room on Willowside Road."

We're sensing hints of Born Blonde by Nice 'n Easy, with subtle notes of Speedstick and Drakkar Noir.

The celebrity chef, who made headlines last year after his Times Square restaurant was the subject of an obliterating New York Times review, claims to be fascinated by the wine business and culture in Northern California.

"Ever since I moved to Sonoma County and saw all this incredible environment of wine, from the agricultural side of it to the business side of it, to the community involvement side of it ... I've just been in awe," Fieri explained to Press Democrat. "So my wife and I were talking about it, and saying, ‘Can we do that some day?'"

In addition to a tasting room, he also wants to create an environment "to educate children about cooking" and to throw totally rad parties that, naturally, will be on like Donkey Kong. He submitted an application to host up to 14 events per year at the space. As for the decor? Hopefully, his penchant for Ed Hardy attire won't be seen. The architects envision a place that's more Italian piazza — with "raised garden beds, olive trees and mountain views" — and less Sigma Alpha Epsilon goes to Napa.

No word yet as to when it will open. As for the name, Guy manages to warm our chilled gastronomic heart, saying, "Our son's names are Hunter and Ryder, so we'd call it the 'Hunt and Ryde.'"

Photo by Darwin Bell.

No!

Due to the awesome unseasonably cold weather the Bay Area has experienced over the last few months, an estimated 10 to 15 percent of Sonoma County's $400 million vino crop has succumbed to frost damage according to an NBC 4. (An aside: love NBC 4! Most entertaining newscast in the history of the world, ever!)

The crisp and energizing weather has also affected vineyards in Mendocino and Lake counties, "where damage to the crop is expected to be about 20 percent." According to a Napa Valley vintner spokesperson, NV has experience little to no crop damage "because most growers have adequate frost protection." (Oh, fighting words. Angela Channing would have you killed for such a verbal swipe.)