We know you're totally dying to find out what happened with some of the stories we told you about from San Mateo County a week or so ago. Dying! Who won that habanero burger contest? Electronic Arts, with 60 extra spicy pepper burgers consumed. Hot cha! What happened to those little majorette girls who were told they twirled too slowly to be in the Redwood City parade? They didn't perform. We're sure that extra three......

Entertainment galore from the ever-reliable SFPD Northern Station (.pdf). Not only the man featured in Leah Garchik's TIC on Friday (who was caught spraying graffiti on a billboard announcing the SFPD's Officer of the Month -- by the Officer of the Month. Ha!), but also a man dancing in a school auditorium after telling the principal he was a federal agent, a man hugging and licking a light pole, and a man unable to comply with officers' orders to kneel on the ground because the knife he was trying to conceal in his jeans pocket was too large. One less felon on the streets -- they finally caught the bail-skipping Village People cop! Victor Willis's sad saga has finally ended, as an officer in South SF stopped him with a female companion, and found cocaine and other drug paraphernalia in the car. Willis refused to give his name but was ID'ed by his snazzy 'fro and police officer uniform fingerprints at the station. And Berkeley is still reeling from the house party shooting this weekend. Parent Aderian Gaines was hosting a party at his house for his teenagers, so he could supervise and make sure they were safe. When Gaines confronted a guest carrying a gun, the guest shot him and fled the scene. The authorities say the party might have gotten out of hand because invitations were sent out by text message, and encourage you to invite people to your parties through "non-Internet" means in the future. ...

Victor Willis, the Village People cop, is the gift that keeps giving to the Blotter patrol! (We especially liked the headline, "Willis's destiny is the J-A-I-L" from the San Mateo County Times.) Willis failed to show up for court -- again -- despite the fact that his lawyer's worked out a plea bargain where if he surrenders, he'll serve 16 months. America's Most Wanted had a film crew on site to film what turned out to be the no-show. And hey -- we had no idea Willis had been married to Phylicia Rashad! San Francisco Superior Court judge Newtom Lam's mother died of several heart attacks three days after being struck by a cable car on a blind hill at Filbert and Mason. At the time of the accident, Mrs. Lam seemed okay and was speaking with investigators, but it turns out she fractured her skull and had broken her ribs, collarbone, and hip as well. Walk SF is holding a vigil on Monday at noon and participants should bring bells. ...and you thought you were unenthusiastic about school starting again! San Jose State put out a nationwide APB when a meteorology professor went AWOL for the first week of class. The professor hadn't called in, hadn't been seen since finals last semester, and was reported to have been having "employment and personal issues." He was found when someone at a Comfort Inn in Pennsylvania looked up from browsing Merc News articles online and saw the very guy whose picture was filling up the screen. Turns out the professor had been hiding out there for over a month. ...

The anti-war protestor hit in the jaw with a wooden dowel that was fired by the Oakland police as "non-lethal crowd control" back in 2003 (and who was our yoga teacher's yoga teacher, for what it's worth) has settled with the City of Oakland for $210,000. One of her co-protestors got a settlement of $500,000. You know, this seems remarkably similar to our new obsession, that new game show Deal or No Deal. Speaking of TV shows... guess who's going to be on America's Most Wanted? The cop from the Village People! As you may recall, Victor Willis from Daly City has a bench warrant out for his arrest after failing to show up in court on his coke possession charges. Remember, folks -- the true Macho Man respects the law. The America's Most Wanted episode will probably air around February. And the Merc News ominously intones, "it's beginning to look a lot NOT like Christmas!!!" in a story about two 18-year-olds in Redwood City who've been on a holiday-accessory crime spree this year. Some of their haul included, among other things, a moose-head Christmas wreath that sings "Here Comes Santa Claus." Dude. We are totally going to get ourselves one of those too! ...