Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 65. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 1 (Frank Jordan). Minority count: 3 (4.6%). Hats, capes, tiaras: 1, 0, 0. Eyepatches, leis, shrugs/stoles/shawls: 1, 5, 3. Getty v. Traina: 3-1. Stanlee Gatti count: 1. Number of people pictured with mouth agape: 1, at the SFMOMA Wayne Thiebaud lunch. Number of artists listed as being featured on Gordon Getty's vanity project, "Songs by American......

There's no Swells society column today! Sad! So we're doing a Fake Question Time By The Numbers instead. Number of people in attendance: 200. Number of chickens: 6. Number of times Angela Alioto referred to "Bessie," a 94-year-old homeless woman she's befriended: 6. Number of questions Gavin collected: 2 inches of cards (We'd estimate maybe around 100). Number of questions Gavin read: About 10 (grouped into categories, except for our question, which he did not......

Last week's winner, the Bay Guardian. Tim Redmond wants.... Ques-tion TIME! Ques-tion TIME! Also -- impeach! And be nicer to pigeons. Chris Daly likes putting city propositions on the ballot. Ed Jew -- get to know him now, since he didn't get any coverage during the election. A tattoo artist shot in the head in East Oakland. Buy a San Francisco Values t-shirt from the Guardian. Cover articles: The Year In Music (why the Bay......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 74. Number of people pictured whose names we recognize: 12. (representative sample: Jonny Moseley, the omnipresent George and Charlotte Shultz, Gavin and child model Brittanie Mountz, Stephan Jenkins of Third Eye Blind.) Minority count: 1 (1.38888%.) Getty v. Traina: 5-30. This week's event is a party at the DeYoung museum thrown by Dede Wilsey in honor of her son Trevor Traina's recent marriage! (30......

A few days late! Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells column: 76. Number of people pictured whose names we recognize: 3. (Trevor Traina, Damon White, Paula LeDuc.) Minority count: 5 (6.5%). Number of hats: 12. (all at polo game. Headband in spa not counted.) Getty v. Traina: 0-1. (Trevor Traina pictured at right.) Stanlee Gatti count: 3. Number of Ferrari tail lights destroyed by errant polo balls: 1. Number of mentions of......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells: 83. Total number of people pictured whose names we recognize: 5 (Carole Shorenstein Hays, and the Emerson String Quartet, which count for 4.) Minority count: 7 (about 8%). Getty v. Traina: 0-1. Congratulations on your wedding, Trevor Traina! Number of hats: 1. Number of horses: 2. Number of female Iron Chefs: 1. Height of the mini-home designed by super home builder Bob Flury as a steeplechase......

Total number of people in this week's Swells column: 61. Number of people pictured whose names we recognize: 4. (all at one party: Denise Hale, Trevor Traina, Vanessa Getty, and Stephan "Semi-Charmed Kind of Life" Jenkins.) Minority count: 0 (0%). Number of hats: 7. Getty v. Traina: 1-3. Number of feet Boaz Mazor's cell phone fell into Lake Tahoe: 17. Chef Franc Harris dove into the lake the next day to pick it up. Number......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells: 55. Number of pictured people whose names we recognize: 1 (Gavin Newsom's sister). Minority count: 7 (about 15%, and not counting the Egyptian mummy). Getty v. Traina: 2-2. (counting Gavin Newsom's sister as a Getty; counting the anonymous person who claimed to be Trevor Traina as a Traina.) Number of receding male hairlines: 16. Number of non-receding male hairlines: 5. Number of hats: 2. Numbers in......