Last week's winner, the Metro! Hilarious letter from a candidate for the SJ city council that 1) misspells Ron Gonzales's name and 2) gets the date of the election wrong. (Hey Metro, why aren't your letters online?) Gary Singh had a bitch of a time trying to get a burrito in SJ on May 1. Closing down the jailhouse law libraries, and no, the SJ Fourth Street Bowl will not be closing. Chinese youth orchestra......

Well, L'affaire Leon at the Weekly certainly didn't come to a conclusion we expected. We crawled out of bed this morning only to read that he'll no longer be appearing in their pages. If you want to read his Infiltrator features, you'll have to buy his books. But was this really all Harmon's fault? Or is it a symptom of much bigger problems at the Weekly? Morale, and therefore quality, may be in decline......

Before we get into it -- ding ding ding! Envision a scantily-clad lady with a placard reading Round Three! Alt-weekly fight! If this were a schoolyard, we'd all be surrounding the SFBG and the Weekly in a circle. The Weekly lunges! And the SFBG throws a punch back! Oooooh! (Online only -- and geez Louise, the Weekly's essay is loooooong. We got a cramp in our mouse finger scrolling down.) Okay, onto the actual weeklies. Last week's winner (who's featuring last week's cover on its website), the Guardian. Dude, we are so not prepared for a Katrina-type disaster. Cover article: nuclear power is bad. Hats! If the restaurant Maverick were in your neighborhood, you'd be a lucky person. People complain about their, um, endowments. And oh yeah, we threw out some shiny insert about food. The Weekly: Matt Smith in rare form, on various humiliations visited on the white race by SF last week. The Chron's Burning Man coverage is only the beginning of the Smith attack! The Infiltrator tries to get his cat cloned. Tommy Craggs on the new A's stadium (lots of diagrams). Meredith Brody's father reminisces about his dinner with Kinsey (no number on the scale revealed.) OK Then on anti FEMA music. Canada, the new Montreal! And the Bouncer goes to the Lone Palm. After the jump: The East Bay Express, the Metro, and the pick of the week....

Last week's winner, the SF Weekly: Tommy Craggs, like Tony Toni Tone, has done it again! This week, he uses the Microsoft Word auto-summarizer to read last week's interminable Sean Penn in Iran articles from the Chron! Could it be that Mr. Craggs heard our desperate cries for help? In other news, Matt Smith hates on Chris Daly's Rincon Hill deal, the Infiltrator pretends to Christian rock, and the cover article's about heavy metal Thor. Savage Love: you know, if you start a letter to Dan with "I'm straight, I'm smart, I'm funny, and I'm hot," you kind of get what you deserve. Next: the Metro! RIP, Bob Moog. The war on terror seemed a little overblown in Lodi. Spongebob Squarepants at Great America! Cover: San Jose gang war. And Secret Asian Man eats your hate up like love. The Guardian and the East Bay Express after the jump, plus the pick of the week! ...

For some reason, last week's winner, the East Bay Express, was not delivered to our usual pickup spot this week, so we gotta write the summary based on the website. Cover article about Eddy Zheng, just like the Bay Guardian. Someone sues in small claims court for $7.55 (over a hair in the plaintiff's soup.) Rock meltdowns -- and speaking of which, the Dinosaur Jr. reunion tour! Oh, SF Weekly -- your Karen Carpenter Superstar cover article reenacting the Gaverly romance with Barbie-esque dolls is too good to be true!!!!! Open up Adobe for these pics, folks, the .pdfs are worth the wait!! Tommy Craggs, you're a genius! A GENIUS!!! Additional bonus: are you an Apologist for douchebag Bob Novak? This is bullsh**! And Savage is back, about the outing of the guy who worked for Santorum (capital S, not the other kind) and the guy who had sex with a horse in Washington state. (and while we're on the political, check Savage out in his guest blogging for Andrew Sullivan!) The horse-sex-less Guardian and the pick of the week, after the jump. ...

We're a little jealous of District Five. How come they get cool supervisors that open up their offices to the public, put art on the walls, and dispense wine and snacks? We'd like to suggest to Sophie Maxwell that maybe an occassional open house could do wonders for her public image in District Ten. Either that, or maybe start a blog that allows comments. At least the light in her office was on past......

This just slipped into our inbox from a mole at the Chron. It was forwarded to the all-staff mailing list by none other than Sharon Stone's former paramour and glurgy TV shill Phil Bronstein: -----Original Message----- From: [REDACTED] Sent: Wednesday, January 12, 2005 8:15 AM To: Bronstein, Phil Subject: Chronicle SMOKERS I've written a few times before, but never have seen a response. I live in the neighborhood and walk to work in the financial......