The spectrum of coke rage runs wide. It can go from harmless rolling of the eyes and a sigh to unnecessary shouting to Lindsay Lohan. For some, it goes much further. Take, for example, tenacious Juanita Marie Jones, 53, of Rochelle, GA. After receiving fake cocaine -- and, oh Jesus, the frenzy of mixed emotions one feels after buying bunk junk -- she went to the police in an effort to get her money back.......

Hey -- we're not doing our usual light-hearted romp through the Swells society column this weekend, because we've got sad news. The doyenne of Swells, Catherine Bigelow, announced in this week's column that she's been asked to take the Chron's "voluntary buyout package," so this is it for your mathematically-inclined socialite review. Best of luck to you, C.Big, and we know you'll end up on your feet, tripping the light fantastic, and we hope you'll......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 67. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 11 (including two pictures of Gavin, one of Jennifer Siebel, and director Chris Columbus.) Minority count: 4 (6%) Getty v. Traina: 2-2. Percentage of featured parties with decor designed by Stanlee Gatti: 66% (2/3). The last time Paul Discoe wore shoes: 1967. "I'm a builder. When I pour concrete, I wear zoris. And when I wear......

We're covering for SFist Jon today! --Left in SF asks progressives to play nice in the Migden-Leno race. Hilariously, Chris Daly refuses, twice. --Beyond Chron gives the lowdown on David Latterman and Rich DeLeon's SPUR talk about recent city voting trends. --PartyParty is unhappy about Gavin Newsom's plans to veto the 6 month trial of car-free Saturdays in Golden Gate Park (despite reports saying that it doesn't reduce the number of park visitors). --Getty v.......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 48. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 2 (Kamala Harris and Willie Brown, at separate events). Minority count: 3 (the two we recognized plus one more, or 6.25%). Getty v. Traina: 0-4. Gavin Newsom count: 0. Ironically, Swells appears to be the only Newsom-free zone in the entire Chronicle. When Dede Wilsey expects her latest project, the UCSF Mission Bay hospital, to be......

Breaking news on a Friday afternoon -- Gavin Newsom's chief of staff Steve Kawa has resigned. Stated reason: "I want to spend more time with my amazing family." Okay, an announcement made at 3:42 p.m. on a Friday, the spending more time with my family excuse -- obviously this is really big news! Problem is.... we have absolutely no idea what the significance of this is to the Newsom administration. Is this good for Newsom?......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 73. Total number of people pictured whom we recognize: 11. Minority count: 11. Not the same 11 whom we recognized. (15.3%) Getty v. Traina: 6-1. Some Gettys went to two parties. Hats, capes, tiaras: 2, 1, 0. This doesn't count the mention of Brittanie Mountz in a newsboy cap, accompanying Gavin to Denise Hale's Ritz-Carlton party. Number of times Brittanie was caught drinking: 0.......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 80. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 10 (including Charlotte Shultz, Gavin, Gavin's sister and brother in law, and Dixie Carter). Minority count: 14 (17.5%). The picture of the African-American family quartet with their father was a nice touch. Getty v. Traina: 6-1. Hats, capes, tiaras: 0, 4, 0. Rumored asking price for Gladyne K. Mitchell's 1927 Italianate palazzo, in which the Boys......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 74. Number of people pictured whose names we recognize: 12. (representative sample: Jonny Moseley, the omnipresent George and Charlotte Shultz, Gavin and child model Brittanie Mountz, Stephan Jenkins of Third Eye Blind.) Minority count: 1 (1.38888%.) Getty v. Traina: 5-30. This week's event is a party at the DeYoung museum thrown by Dede Wilsey in honor of her son Trevor Traina's recent marriage! (30......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 78. Number of people pictured whose names we recognize: 6 (George and Charlotte Shultz (listed twice), Dede Wilsey, Don Shula). Minority count: 0. (0%) Getty v. Traina: 0-1. Number of hats: 15 (approx. 20%). Number of references to The Sound of Music: 2. Number of parties declared "a hostess's worst nightmare": 1. Number of deadly bullet-like pine cones that fell from the towering sugar......

We had so much fun with our first caption contest that we're doing it again! What in the Sam Hill is going on here between Gavin Newsom and girlfriend Sofia Milos, at Danielle Steele's party for the Nick Traina Foundation? Post your captions in the comments; best caption wins unspecified prizes! The picture is from this Sunday Swells society column. The caption given by the ever-diplomatic Chronicle is "The GavLos share a tender moment." We......