Choose your allusion-- the sword of Damocles finally striking, the chickens coming home to roost, karma being an ill-tempered bitch-- but Barry Lamar is now up against it for breaking the law, breaking the law. Personally, we were a bit stunned that it happened coming as it did years after the actual case, but we're cavemen-- we fell on some ice and was later thawed by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses us! ...

Ahem...... Perhaps you would like a preview of the upcoming season from a totally official source? Well, you’re obviously not going to get that from us, but we are pleased to bring you the very first installment of A’s Anatomy; where the green and gold will be dissected all season, and no one will be spared, even if you’re Billy Beane and his BFF. (Just kidding, Bob Geren; welcome aboard!) ...

If you'd told us last week that we were going to really really dig the new Lone Ranger comic book from Dynamite, we'd have been like, "aw, fiddlesticks." We might've thought that the only way to do a good Lone Ranger would be tongue-in-cheek; giant swaggering guns, aw-shucks hickishness, maybe a Bruce Campbell smirk. Brett Matthews, Sergio Carriello, Dean White, John Cassaday, and Simon Bowland have hit upon great dialog, snazzy characters, and an......

You know how everyone says San Francisco is a little bubble utopia isolated from the realities of the rest of the world? Well, you might as well embrace it this Labor Day, because the eastbound Bay Bridge is closed all weekend. Yes yes, you probably already know, since Caltrans has commissioned every single flashing road sign in the entire state to remind you for the last two weeks. We feel badly for any Amber Alert......

The Giants won (won!) their tenth out of thirteen games as Noah "Mr. August" Lowry pitched a 4-1 win over the Wild Card leading Cincinnati Reds, their second win in a row over the Reds. Sabaen's mid-season pickups are finally showing signs of life as Mike Stanton got the save and Shea Hillenbrand hit a two run home run. The Giants now find themselves three games back in the NL and 3 1/2 out of the Wild Card and with the Mets and Cardinals now flailing..... ...

Shards of what remain of Barry Zito and the rest of Oakland A's pitching staff are still being recovered after yesterday's 14-0 threshing at the hands of the Texas Rangers. We're certain the Arlington faithful are downright giddy about their latent power display, as well they should be. This beating reminded everyone that there is-indeed--a real pennant race fomenting in the AL West. However, the Rangers should take a very hard look at the all-encompassing big picture scoreboard-the Athletics won that series by dominating the small things. And they beat Texas by going toe-to-toe with one of the best offenses in the American League. Moreover, the real battle was won in the trenches-through superior bullpen action, sans Joe Kennedy, Scott Sauerbeck and the rest of the DL boys, a smothering defense and timely hitting from Jay Payton, not through caveman-like hacking at off-speed pitches that Ranger batters have mastered. ...

The Oakland A's will win the American League West. Yes, this year! We (SFist) are not accustomed to making barrel-chested predictions that eventually turn to fool's gold as it often does on ESPN's "Baseball Tonight" -- we're merely pointing out the obvious: the Oakland A's will win the AL West this year. Despite their anemic, Milton Bradley-less performance last night at the hands of the Los Angeles Angels and Joe Saunders-- who they made seem like a young Ron Guidry than the junk-ball throwing Tommy John clone that he is-- the A's will win more of those tightly-sewn games than the Angels, or god forbid, the perennial flame-out Texas Rangers. And they'll do it without resident genius Billy Beane making a nano-move during the trade deadline frenzy. ...

Frank Francisco of the Texas Rangers was sentenced for throwing a chair at mamma-taunting A's fan Craig Bueno, and hitting Bueno's wife Jennifer in the face. Francisco pled no contest to the charges of misdemeanor assault, and got three years on probation, 20 days in a sheriff's work program, 500 hours of community service and six months of anger management classes. Francisco can take those classes with fellow Ranger Kenny Rogers. Dude, someone found a foot in an Oakland park on Wednesday. Good thing Anna Ayala's still locked up or the foot would probably have turned up in a bowl of chili. And SF District 5 Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi took a break from coordinating his wardrobe with Matt Gonzalez's to stop some crime! P.J. Corkery and J.K. Dineen from the Ex report that Mirkarimi was walking on Webster Street and saw a "suspicious" guy pulling a knapsack out of the broken window of a parked car. Ross said, "Hey, that's not yours, put it down!" and the guy dropped the bag and fled. Turns out the car was owned by a tourist from Texas, who said, "I know nothing of Mr. Ross and his political ambitions, but he was honorable enough to get my belongings back and for that I am grateful." Ross, ever modest, told the Ex, "Please don't make me out to be the caped crusader, because I'm not. Anyone would do such a thing." Ross, you're our hero! ...

As football fades and a weary Bay Area turns to that moment when pitchers and catchers report, yet another reminder of baseball’s little steroid problem bobbed to the surface over the weekend as the publisher for Jose Canceco’s supposed tell-all book leaked some juicy little bits of gossip to the press. Canseco’s book, Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits, and How Baseball Got Big, will be released on February 21, and the bits of gossip were in this Sunday’s New York Daily News. In the book, Canseco claims that he was sort of like the Pied Piper of steroids, turning on all his teamates to the wonders of synthetic drugs; so much so, he was called “the Chemist.” He claims to have personally injected Mark McGwire in the ass in a bathroom stall when both were rookies and sat around another men’s room stall watching McGwire inject steroid poster boy Jason Giambi in the ass another year. Canseco also claims to have introduced steroids to Texas Rangers’ stars Juan Gonzalez, Ivan Rodriguez, and Rafael Palmerio when he was with the Rangers, an act which he claims was well-known by then-Rangers owner George W. Bush. And yes, it’s the same George W. we all know and love as our President. The very same President who famously called for a ban on steroids in a State of the Union speech....

Bay Area crime roundup...

We're only getting to this story now because it takes four days for magazines to travel across our great lands to us yokels out here in the Western hinterlands -- the New Yorker deigns to focus its little monocle on the far end of Democrat-Blue America and presents a rather one-sided hagiography of our boy wonder mayor, Gavin Newsom. ...

The story of the injured heckler out of Oakland Coliseum last night just keeps getting better and better....

Bay Area crime roundup...

Whether you like Barry Bonds or not as a person, you have to respect him (actually, be in awe of him) as a ballplayer. And since you probably don't ever have to have lunch with the guy, it seems best to reserve your judgment of him to what he does on the field. So in case you aren't a big seamhead, SFist wants to point out that Bonds hit the 699th home run of his......