Here's todays sports news...

Here's todays sports news...

We have to admit that we're not terribly excited about the All Star Game next Tuesday. None of the players who play really care despite the "This Time it Matters" hype and usually by the sixth inning, when most of the actual stars are flying back in their rented private jets, you get all the excitement of watching some reliever for the Devil Rays facing off against some guy from the Nationals. The only thing that will make it worth watching is to see the ball park and the city get shown off. Well, that and they're expecting so many boats in the Cove that the Giants will only allow boats that register to be out there. We love when the Cove is filled with boats. ...

If you happen to be walking down the street this week and hear this sonic boom over your head and the street rumble, it's not the Kin Jong Il finally launching one of his Dong Rockets, it's just that time of the year again, Fleet Week. This year featuring, once again, the Blue Angels. ...

Otherwise known as stories we missed while we were on vacation... -The last time we heard from Krissy Keefer, the Green candidate for Congress, she and some of her gal-pals were banging the Taiko drum and handing out cookies to celebrate her official entrance into the race. We maybe a little fuzzy on our American history, but we think Lincoln started that way too. Anyways, we hadn't heard from her since then but last week, she and her Merry Band of Dancers took part in a celebration of Fidel Castro's 80th birthday, which the San Francisco Sentinel described as a "spectacular evening ensemble of music, song, dance and poetry." Keefer's dance troupe performed and Keefer performed the monologue during the performance. You know, nothing says "striving for mainstream political acceptance" like staging dance performances to celebrate Fidel Castro. While it's not official, word has it that Keefer is in talks to take part in a new VH-1 reality show "Dancing With Dictators." It's not know yet who'll she be dancing with, but we here the Stacey Keibler/Mahmoud Ahmadinejad team will be pretty hard to beat. ...

The battle over lap dances in strip clubs moved to the Entertainment Commission last Friday as they held an often contentious, standing-room-only hearing on the issue. During the meeting, strippers, err "exotic dancers," testified in front of the commission to say that the proposed new rules, that calling for the ending of private rooms and booths and it's possible ending of lap dancing, could impede their ability to make money. In our minds, the testimony was given like something out of "Hot for Teacher" in which the moment the dancer got up to the podium, they tore their clothes off to reveal slinky lingerie underneath, but we have a feeling things didn't happen that way (BTW, while searching for the "Hot For Teacher" clip we also stumbled upon a bootleg video of VH doing it live in an outdoor concert in 1984 and it is awesome). Oh well. Also testifying in support of the legislation were local Bay Area rappers who claimed that no more lap dances in strip clubs would hurt their ability to "be gangsta." ...

Let's see, here's a list of things in San Francisco you can't do: -Smoke (tobacco, that is). -Put left-over food in a Styrofoam container -Go shopping with plastic bags -Stop somebody from taking a dump on the street And now we can add another thing to the list-- no more "private dancing" in private booths at strip clubs. All of this thanks to the Commission on the Status of Women who went and gone did it and passed a bill banning private booths. The decision is now up to the Board of Supervisors who have the final say on this as we guess the Commission on the Status of Drunk, Horny Frat Boys were too hungover to weigh in on the subject. And if there's anything out there that deserves to be put on a ballot and voted on we say it's this. We mean, wouldn't the campaign commercials (usually probably airing at like 1 in the morning) be awesome? "Biff's buddies wanted to get him a special lap dance for his bachelor party, but thanks to a bunch of freedom-loving Feminazis, he was unable to. Because of them, he had to have his bachelor party at Chuck E. Cheese...." ...

Wednesday night, a San Francisco commission is all set to take up one of the pre-eminent issues facing our fair city-- private booths in strip clubs. For those who have never frequented a strip club (we, of course, find strip clubs exploitive of women and those photos that circulated around the internet of SFist at the strip club are totally false and it wasn't our idea and we didn't pay for it!!!!), private booths are places where you can go and get a "special" kind of lap dance for extra money, all depending on the amount of money. Hey, sometimes you need a little privacy. The issue is whether to allow them or not. ...

There's a subculture of women in Japan who go bonkers for dudes with the Ziggy Stardust look. Or at least that's what we concluded after we saw the West Coast premiere of The Great Happiness Space: Tale of an Osaka Love Thief (GHSTOLT) at the Women's Building on Saturday. Those dudes have some freaking crazy hairdos! Imagine a mullet mated with a peacock and gave birth to a Las Vegas showgirl head-dress. Really we......

...because we like big butts and we cannot lie. Looking at the Weeklies splayed out on our desk, it's an endless promise of fun. Let's ruin the illusion and dive right in. Last week's winner, the SF Weekly, sports Harmon Leon's absolutely f**king genius Infiltration of a Promise Keepers meeting. (Did you know that the busiest weekend for strip clubs in Indianapolis isn't during the 500, it's during the PK convention?) This week, no......

Picture this story with the Drudge Report flashing lights, but we have an exclusive, late-breaking and developing story from The Weekly World News: ALIENS ARE COMING TO SAN FRANCISCO! We repeat, ALIENS ARE COMING TO SAN FRANCISCO. According to the story (which is so hot that it's not linked to, and the fact that the Weekly World News doesn't put their stories online is criminal), the aliens in question are from Mercury and are said to be "short" and "red-skinned." Last week, the state legislature and the Governor voted to give a square mile in between China Town and Nob Hill (there goes the strip clubs) to the aliens from Mercury, or as there known Mercurians. With the land given to them, the Mercurians will build housing for themselves "made of solidified liquid mercury and powered by solar panels" something that will make the Mayor happy because it's in keeping with his big Green Initiative. ...

New York Times finally gets hip to Berkeley proposition....