Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 67. Total number of people pictured whom we recognize: 4 (including Molly Sims and her BFF Jennifer Siebel.) Minority count: 4 (5.8%). Getty v. Traina: 1-0 (counting Gavin's sister as a Getty) Number of countries visited by Denise Hale to celebrate her April birthday: 3 (India, Serbia, Italy). The age of children being compared to "a natural phenomenon where a river comes in and......

Number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 101. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 5 (including Rita Moreno, Justice Harry Low, and Wonder Woman). Minority count: 18 (about 18%) -- there's a benefit for the Chinese-American Int'l School this week. Hats, scarves and wraps, tiaras: 6 (including a big Beach Blanket Babylon one), 6, 0. Getty v. Traina: 5-0. Number of Gettys pictured that are actually Gavin Newsom: 4. Number of......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 67. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 11 (including two pictures of Gavin, one of Jennifer Siebel, and director Chris Columbus.) Minority count: 4 (6%) Getty v. Traina: 2-2. Percentage of featured parties with decor designed by Stanlee Gatti: 66% (2/3). The last time Paul Discoe wore shoes: 1967. "I'm a builder. When I pour concrete, I wear zoris. And when I wear......

(A little late, because we're fixing our servers around here today.) Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 70. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 8 (including Charlotte Maillard Shultz, Stephan Jenkins, and a certain precious Bumblebee!) Minority count: 7 (10%). Getty v. Traina: 1-3, with Gettys represented by Swells stalwart Gavin Newsom. Bumblebee sightings: 2! Ms. Jennifer Siebel attended a benefit party/auction for Tipping Point, and will also be......

It's the third annual San Francisco Notable Portrait Auction, to benefit Creativity Explored! We love this event. Creativity Explored is dedicated to promoting works by local developmentally disabled artists, and they invite a group of local celebs to sit for portraits by their artists, and then auction them off with the celebs in attendance. Jonathan Richman (!!!!) will also be playing. The event is this Thursday, April 12 at 111 Minna, and you can......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 56. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 4 (including Ben Fong-Torres and Mark Fainaru-Wada). Minority count: 11 (19.6%, mostly jazz musicians). Hats, capes, tiaras: 6 (4 fezzes, as requested by the SF Jazz party), 0, 0. Getty v. Traina: 3-0. SFist staffer count!: 1! Whoooo SFist Mary! Stanlee Gatti count: 2 -- one in the text and one in the pictured (Gatti pictured......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 65. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 1 (Frank Jordan). Minority count: 3 (4.6%). Hats, capes, tiaras: 1, 0, 0. Eyepatches, leis, shrugs/stoles/shawls: 1, 5, 3. Getty v. Traina: 3-1. Stanlee Gatti count: 1. Number of people pictured with mouth agape: 1, at the SFMOMA Wayne Thiebaud lunch. Number of artists listed as being featured on Gordon Getty's vanity project, "Songs by American......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 72. Total number of people pictured whom we recognize: 7 (including Bette Midler and Martin Yan from Yan Can Cook) Minority count: 22 (30.6%). The two Chinese dragons pictured are not included in the count. Getty v. Traina: 1-0. Gavin is mentioned as attending a UCSF fundraiser, but not pictured. Hats, capes, tiaras: 2, 0, 1. We're counting the round thing on one of......

SFiS -- more than just SFist minus the T! We give the new glossy advertorial section of the Chronicle our patented By The Numbers treatment below. (Warning -- SFiS only appears in .pdf form so many, but not all, of the links featured here will require Adobe Acrobat.) Average cost of items promoted in SFiS (not including ads): $399.91. Number of Catherine Bigelow columns: 6. (new recaps of Gordon Getty's birthday party, the Red Tie......

More balletomania! We've read so much coverage of the 74th SF ballet opening night gala, we're starting to expect to see ourselves in these pictures! Number of people pictured in this week's Swells society columns: 48. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 4 (Dededededededededede, the Shultzes, and Michela Alioto-Pier). Minority count: 4 (approx. 10%). Getty v. Traina: Again, a pity Gavin Newsom is in Davos -- Dede Wilsey again crushes the competition in favor......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 67. Number of people pictured whose names we recognize: 8 (Trainas, Gettys, and figures in local politics only, including on-the-way-out Steve Kawa). Minority count: 4 (6%). Hats, capes, tiaras: 0, 0, 0 (but Gavin's hair looks a little funny). Getty v. Traina: 6-12. It's Dede Wilsey's Christmas party, that's why!!! Dede had laryngitis but wore Chanel and had the best hors d'oeuvres in town......

We got a sneak preview of the Jan. 2007 W Magazine article about the San Francisco social life of the Gettys and the Trainas that's referenced in this week's Swells society column. Of course we're giving it the trademarked SFist Society By The Numbers treatment! The article's not online but you should be able to buy it on the newsstands by next week. The number of ramekins Ann Getty is filling with souffle batter for......

--Last Tuesday, a 300-pound woman beat up the DPT officer trying to ticket her car. --There weren't as many shoppers in Hayes Valley as there were in Union Square. --Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf have sold their Tiburon house at a loss. --Things they hate at Cal. --Stanlee Gatti's art exhibition. --Ed Jew was wearing a jade pig necklace for good luck during the election ballot-counting. --They might lower cable car fares for kids......

Happy Thanksgiving! --Speaking of Thanksgiving, thanks very much to Pat Murphy of the San Francisco Sentinel, who was nice enough to pass along William Wilson's picture of Gavin and squeeze of the moment Jennifer Siebel. Here's another picture of the couple at Stanlee Gatti's art exhibition. --It looks like after the provisional ballots are counted, incumbent Johnnie Carter may just squeak by John Rizzo (the Green Party candidate) for the SF Community College board,......

We missed you last week, Swells! Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 59. Total number of people pictured whom we recognize: 8 (including Tracy Chapman, Dianne Feinstein, and... hey! Welcome back, Charlotte Maillard Shultz!) Minority count: 3 (5%). Getty v. Traina: 3-1. Al Wilsey is counted as a Traina. Hats, capes, tiaras: 0, 0, 0. Stanlee Gatti count: 2. The number of square feet that Dianne Feinstein says former Petaluma......

SFist's new photo editor, Jim Herd, went to the Conservatory of Flowers to take these wonderful pictures of flowers, flowers, and more flowers. On November 17th, the Conservatory will debut their winter installations with an Opening-night preview and cocktail reception in celebration of "One: An Earth Installation" by Stanlee Gatti on the 16th. Prices are too much for our measly blogging wages (you do know we actually write SFist in Bangalore for several pennies a day, right?) but you can bet it'll be a fully swank occasion that SFist Rita will no doubt be able to write about in her Swells by the Numbers column and to which we'll be cursing our fate about not being invited. Could we even have a Gaviffer sighting? We can only hope so. ...

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 54. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 8. We are now conceding that we probably don't "recognize" any of the Gettys or Trainas (except Gavin, who does not appear this week). Minority count: 10 (18.5%). Getty v. Traina: 7-10. Hats, capes, tiaras: 6, 0, 1. We've classified Cynthia Bowman's halo as a tiara. Stanlee Gatti count: 1. (in a forthcoming W Magazine spread.)......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 59. Total number of people pictured whom we recognize: 6, though we must confess that if it didn't say "former mayor" in front of Art Agnos's name, we probably wouldn't recognize it. Minority count: 2 (approximately 3%). Getty v. Traina: 2-3. Hats, capes, tiaras: 1, 0, 0. Ranking of this week's benefit parties, from most money raised to least: San Francisco Parks Trust ($275K),......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 73. Total number of people pictured whom we recognize: 11. Minority count: 11. Not the same 11 whom we recognized. (15.3%) Getty v. Traina: 6-1. Some Gettys went to two parties. Hats, capes, tiaras: 2, 1, 0. This doesn't count the mention of Brittanie Mountz in a newsboy cap, accompanying Gavin to Denise Hale's Ritz-Carlton party. Number of times Brittanie was caught drinking: 0.......

Total number of people pictured in the Chron's Symphony Opening Night article: 23. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 6 (Gavin, Brittanie Mountz, Billy and Vanessa Getty, Yurie Pascarella (the hostess in last week's Swells) -- and an uncredited Catherine Bigelow!) Minority count: 4 (17%). Getty v. Traina: 5-2. Number of hats: 0. Years they've been having the Symphony Gala: 95. Stanlee Gatti count: 2. Number of chilly patrons in the tent: 740. Amount......

A few days late! Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells column: 76. Number of people pictured whose names we recognize: 3. (Trevor Traina, Damon White, Paula LeDuc.) Minority count: 5 (6.5%). Number of hats: 12. (all at polo game. Headband in spa not counted.) Getty v. Traina: 0-1. (Trevor Traina pictured at right.) Stanlee Gatti count: 3. Number of Ferrari tail lights destroyed by errant polo balls: 1. Number of mentions of......

Okay, we finally got out of the house and picked up a hard copy of the Bay Guardian. And yes -- we're in it! Your SFist editors are right behind the guy making what looks like a less-than sign with his right hand, and right in front of what looks like a giant inflatable beer, on page 53. As an extra bonus We Read The Weeklies feature this week, we present: The Best of the......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 51. (Tony Blair and Ben Fong-Torres both pictured, and thus counted, twice). Number of people in pictures whose names we recognize: 10. (Tony Blair, both Shultzes, Gavin the Newsom, Stanlee Gatti, Joanne Hayes-White, Heather Fong, Milton Friedman, Ben Fong-Torres, Sydney Kohara.) After some deliberation, we did not count Ray Dolby (founder of Dolby Labs) or anyone from Jefferson Airplane. Number of people from Jefferson......

We stole modified this column idea from Gothamist for Catherine Bigelow's Swells, the Chron's page-long Sunday society column-- but why don't we have a lurid weddings section in the Chron like the NYT does? Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells: 51 (plus two pictures of groups). Number of pictured people whose names we recognize: 5. George and Charlotte Shultz; Gavin (in plastic glasses); Matthew Barney and Bjork (blurry). Minority count: 6. (12%;......

So best is back!!! And do we see..... a Kimberly Guilfoyle-Newsom-Newsom in the future?? Matier and Ross report that Gav and Kim went together to dinner at Enrico's and then out for drinks at the Tosca (where, you may recall, Harper's took those racy photos at the pool table -- oops, no, wait, is that Matty Gonzo???). Gav slunk into Enrico's wearing a heavy coat (since it's been so cold around here lately) and a Yankees cap, gifted by Kim. Kimbers, who we assume is in town for the pit bull panel, was beaming throughout the meal with ex-Da Mayor Willie Brown and Stanlee Gatti, and Gav reportedly repeatedly referred to her as "my wife." Wow, drink and dial really does work! Try it yourself!...