(By Joe K.) Some terrible yet highly amusing sports-specific parodies of meth ads. [the great barstoolio]Still not offended? How 'bout some "baby drinking a beer at the ballpark" footage? [Bugs & Cranks]Seeing the 49ers' new free agents and rookies in uniform at the first minicamp always gives one a tremendous feeling. [NFL.com]At said minicamp, UC Davis nobody J.T. O'Sullivan declared to be fully in the mix for the starting QB position. [sacbee]......

(By Joe K.) Brazilian soccer superstar Ronaldo nailed in tranny hooker scandal. This is too a local interest story. [AP]The Giants without Barry Bonds is like Polk Street without tranny hookers. [Wall Street Journal]The A’s, racking up wins like an escort racking up cold sores, move into a tie for the AL West lead. [SFGate] Hey! Did I mention there was a tranny hooker scandal this week in sports? [Outsports] Image: Wikicommons......

By Joe Kukura Football, people! Unless you live under the worst toupee in sports broadcasting, you know that the NFL Draft was this weekend. Endless hours of live intrigue and analysis, both Saturday and Sunday, nonstop on two different cable channels – with no actual sports of any sort being played at all. Just your NFL team’s future stars or GHB scofflaws being selected and introduced in front of the unpredictable rowdies assembled at......

Please welcome Joe K (AKA DJTennessee) who has made the leap from commenter to contributor. He'll be writing about sporting events that many of you seem to enjoy. Yay, Joe K! What's more, please welcome his new bi-weekly sports brief. It's like Day Around the Bay, but with ball throwing, defensive tackles, using last names, home runs, less homosexuality, and gruff stuff like that there. Alex Smith turns up drunk, tonguing females on gossip......

Show is over, everyone. The torch is on its way to South America now. To check out images of today's flame switcheroo acrion--including "No MSG" man and more--go here. Whew. brochtrup: "no ceremonies. at all. pft." (3:52) njudah: "flight of the valkryies: the helis covering the torch are swarming my house!" (3:50) brochtrup: "'torch relay over;' presidio park area to hold closing ceremonies now. what?" (3:30) brochtrup: "coming out of a federal police radio......

You know, we normally hate bus-line disruptions, but we can ALMOST make an exception for this weekend's: "On Saturday, March 15, San Francisco Little League Baseball will open the 2008 season with a parade from the Presidio to Marina Middle School." A parade! A cute little baseball parade! TOO ADORABLE! This makes us want to have a baby so we can raise it for 8 years and then buy it a little pinstripe costume......

Students at Encinal High School walked out of their classrooms today in response to proposed budget cuts. Last night the school board held a tense meeting that went well into the wee hours of the morning, voting to increase class sizes by cutting advanced placement classes, most high school sports, music in the elementary schools, and counselors in the middle schools, reports NBC 11. Students walked out today, marching straight over to the school......

Photo: Jim Herd At first, we thought this was a bunch of art students or gamesters when we saw people setting up cones and bowling balls on a steep hill. Sidewalk bowling? Appears to be an exercise class, with some people forced to run uphill while others do bowling ball pushups in a kind of urban basic training. Strange.......

Once again proving that the Beard might just be the coolest person on the planet, Deadspin tips us off that Baron Davis has filmed a commercial for Reebok consisting of him riding around on roller skates to the music of New Edition's "Cool it Now." ...

Today a federal judge told the prosecutors to "re-craft its perjury case against Barry Bonds." The judge on the Bonds case, Susan Illston, claims that they "improperly lumped multiple alleged offenses into each of four counts of its indictment of the former Giants star." Whoops. Illston slammed the Bonds indictment, which was handed up last November, as "duplicitous." According to the Chron: By law, the government can only accuse a person of one crime......

Here's todays sports news...

As we enter Day 10 of the Lance Kiffin hostage situation. ...

Just some random scribbling on a game that is still reverberating through our hungover, overstuffed brains.......

You have, well, two entire days to fill out and return your application to become a torchbearer for the San Francisco leg of the Beijing 2008 Olympic Torch Relay. The San Francisco relay -- which is entitled, dear Christ, "A Sustainable Journey" -- is the only North American stop on the Olympic Torch Relay, which will make the sporty flame's U.S. visit that more special to us in the Bay Area. Or not. In......

Winning the title of first football player to be nabbed in the BALCO scandal, ex-49ers defensive lineman Dana Stubblefield was charged with lying to a federal agent when he denied taking steroids. Oh, Dana. he is expected to plead guilty in a San Francisco federal courtroom later on today. This comes on the heels of former Olympic athlete Marion Jones receiving a six month sentence for her involvement in the BALCO scandal. And now......

There was no sign of Mark "Cutback" Davis or Bob "Jungle Death" Gerard in the waves off Pillar Point on Saturday, but 24 of the world's ballsiest surfers were there to test their mettle against the huge, angry swell that is the Mavericks break. When the foam cleared and the judges scorecards were tallied, it was 24-year-old Greg Long from San Clemente, SoCal that ended up taking home the title of Mavericks Big Wave champion for 2008.

Twenty-four of the world's most bitchin-ass surfers are on their way to Half Moon bay for a dangerous showdown at this year's 2008 Mavericks Surf Contest. Shore stars like Shawn Rhodes, Greg Long (San Clemente FTW), Brock Little, Randy Cone, Santa Cruz's Tyler Smith, and more will take part in tomorrow's dangerous and exhilarating surf contest. The cold waters of Half Moon Bay combined with the Pacific storm winter weather make some of "the most dangerous waves in the world." This battle of the sea is not to be missed. Dude....

What with last week's and (and presumably this week's) manic storm activity, John Vlahides at 71Miles reports that this week is the week to play hooky. Reporting that the Sierra Crest is "dumping over ten feet of feather-light snow," why not take a day or three off of work to head up to higher altitudes and frolic in the cold? Places like "Squaw Valley," "Kirkwood," and "Heavenly" - terms typically overheard from the mouths......

* Jacksonville vs Pittsburgh Saturday, January 5, 5:00 PM PST Wild Card 2008 The Purists' Battle This is the game that John Madden has been eeeagerly awaiting. A matchup of two classically built, smashmouth NFL franchises in a cold weather playoff game. Pound the rock. Control the line. Stick 'em on D. This is a football game for the NFL purist. Can't wait. Photo via the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette......

The NFL's 2008 Wild Card Wknd has arrived at the same time as this rainstorm front......

Here's todays sports stories...

Here's todays sports news...

Here is today's sports news...

Reporting from the snow-dappled streets of Chicago, it's your American Football Spectacular preview for this Saturday night's battle at The Stick as The Queen City's feline football franchise comes to town....

Yesterday, David Hazinski attempted to harness the awesome power of the world wide web with this colonel of wisdom about the currant state of journalism. In his op-ed peace for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, he informs us that such journalistic mediums as CNN YouTube debates, political blogs, and cellphone videos are, in a word, crap. At least when it comes to giving and receiving accurate, Pulitzer-worthy information. Granite, the only time we here at SFist......

After all the hype and after all the expectations, we have to admit the steroid report was pretty much a yawner. We wanted names, damnit, lots and lots of names. Juicy names. Big names. Super Colossus Names. Instead we got Gregg Zaun. Bo-ring. The list was mainly a bunch of journeymen and never-were's from the 90's and who cares about them? Wasn't this whole thing about nailing the big boys? ...

Former Senate Majority Leader (and current Boston Red Sox director) George Mitchell just announced the results of his 20-month, $20 million investigation into allegations of widespread steroid usage in baseball. The long-awaited, 409-page Mitchell Report (document here) identifies more than 80 current and former players as being linked to using performance-enhancing drugs. While the report casts blame on the lack of institutional control within baseball as much as the players themselves that cheated, what......

Here's todays sports news...

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start: when Alex Smith got injured, there was some back-and-forth about whether or not he was healthy. While this was going on, Nolan made the occasional subtle and not-so-subtle dig at Smith for not being sufficiently tough. Cue speculation and rumormongering approaching Brangelina levels. The Merc apparently had heard some other Niners joining in on the Smith dog pile and asked Alex about it. Alex went a wee bit on the ballistic side and accused Nolan of trying to turn the team against him, making him play when he wasn't healthy, and for generally being a big poopy-head. This all hit the press sometime yesterday and, well, hello hullabaloo. Naturally, the two parties met and issued statements talking about how their relationship is all :) and not :( ...

Egads. A man fell to his death yesterday at Monster Park after falling 20 feet from the upper concourse area of the stadium to the concrete mezzanine below. Scary. And sad. According to the Chronicle, the 31-year-old sports fan "went to the concession area between sections 5 and 7 to hang out during halftime about 2:20 p.m. and fell over a wall to the floor below." After two other accidents that happened in the......