-- The Shining (1980): "Honey, I'm home," "Here's Johnny!" etcetera, etcetera, Kubrick, and so forth. (No one wields a baseball bat like Shelley Duvall. So awkward. Also, what ever happened to her?) Screens at midnight (okay, 11:55 p.m.) at the Clay.

-- Heat: The Endup gets Warholian on you with a club night dedicated to Andrew's Factory and all the wonderful superstars, nuts, and sex symbols it produced. DJ Donimo and DJ6 pump out indie electro remixes. Special drag-y appearances by BeBe Sweetbriar as Donna Summer and Mercedez Munro as Grace Jones. Goes from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m. at the Endup; $5.

-- San Francisco Hip Hop Dance Fest: Over 20 hip hop acts have one serious danceoff. It's on. Starts tonight (and continues through Sunday) at 8 p.m. at Palace of Fine Arts; $35.

-- The Jesus Roast: Expect "Jesus, you totally suck!" hilarity -- but much more clever, of course -- as God's hippie offspring gets skewered. Local comedians perform as Friars Club regulars and Biblical celebrities (Howard Stone as Jackie Mason, Will Durst as Judas, Mickey Joseph as Phil Silvers, Marga Gomez as Pontius Pilot, Johnny Steele as Frank Sinatra, Will Franken as Mohammad, Mike Bossier as Alec Baldwin, Debi Durst as The Virgin Mary, Mari Esther Kaplan as Joan Rivers, Tom Smith as Bacchus, Candy Churilla as Mary Magdelan, Colin Mahan as Mel Gibson, Randy Houser as Hercules, Doug Ferrari as Doug Ferrari, Stephanie Goldstein as Mother Theresa, Nick Leonard as Satan, and Kurt Weitzmann as the one and only Jesus H. Fucking Christ -- congratulations, you're all going to straight to hell. See you there), so you really don't to miss this night of sheer, beautiful blasphemy. Starts at 7:30 p.m. at Broadway Studios; $12.

--Money. Please, people, please: If you’re paying cash, get it out of your purse/backpack/pocket/shoe before you climb the stairs. It’s beyond annoying to see someone talking on a cellphone, carrying a purse or backpack that could easily hold the Grand Canyon, spending five minutes leaning on the fare box, blocking everyone else’s efforts to get on the bus, counting out pennies from the nether reaches of their bag.

“Why do some buses turn around mid run?”

There can be several reasons why buses turn around mid-run. An important first point to make is that there are motor coaches (diesel buses) and trolley coaches (buses on wires). Motor coaches very rarely – if ever – switch back or turn around mid-run. For the most part, motor coaches will go to the end of the line and then deadhead to a specific point as instructed by Central if they’re behind and need to get back on schedule, or to pull into the barn. Some motor coaches during commute hours are pulling in or out of the barn and are instructed to do a portion of a different buses’ busy route on the way to the start point of their actual route. Of course, if there are mechanical problems the motor coach may deadhead back to the barn from any point in the run.

Since they’re on wires, trolley coaches are like trains – they’re essentially on an electric overhead track and must follow the pattern of the wires to get anywhere. Some of the newer trolleys can go off the wires in order to turn around or go off-route at need, but when they do this they are only capable of traveling a short distance at a very slow speed. The reason trolleys turn around mid-route is there are only a few spots where the wires enable turning. If the buses are stacked up, or a given bus is behind schedule, they must use one of these designated spots to turn around because there are of necessity no short-cuts and obviously trolleys cannot pass each other – they’d have to de-wire to do so, and we all know what a pain that is! Since the trolleys have to stay on the wire, when a trolley needs to pull into the barn for whatever reason, unlike motor coaches they don’t deadhead back to a particular spot. Instead they continue taking on passengers up until the point that they can use the wires to turn off-route and get back to the barn. This means that the bus only serves part of its usual route. A good example would be the 14-Mission: if the bus is scheduled to pull into the barn but is currently in-service at, say, top of the hill Daly City, the driver will continue to pick up passengers until the turn-off point around 26th & Mission and won’t finish the route all the way to downtown. By the same token, trolleys pulling out from the barn may begin the run mid-route. Good drivers – or maybe I should say drivers who possess simple courtesy skills – will notify passengers at the time of boarding if the bus isn’t going to complete the route. As I’m sure many of you know, bad drivers just throw your ass off without any explanation.

...as for the bathroom, this is a HUGE problem. A lot of drivers carry around empty plastic bottles…

There’s something called a ‘702’, which is a code that drivers can radio in to Central that allows them to take up to twenty minutes to go to the bathroom. The problem with this is that you’ve got twenty minutes when the bus is not picking up passengers and is obviously not going to be on time. This means the bus must go out of service and ‘deadhead’ (go forward without passengers) to the next possible point where it can catch up with the schedule. This is why you see some buses hauling butt without anybody onboard. Obviously you can really piss off not only the public, but your fellow drivers, inspectors, barn supervisors, etc. if you routinely take a lot of 702s so really there’s a motivation to avoid it if at all possible. I run into the bathroom issue often. I’ve almost peed my pants on many occasions (I know why they’re made of indestructible polyester!) I take my fair share of 702s, but try not to abuse it. But if there’s no bathroom at the end of the line, you really have no choice. Kidney and bladder infection rates are very high among MUNI drivers. We bitch and bitch and bitch and beg and cry trying to get more bathrooms, but somehow don’t materialize. Once in awhile the big bosses will cave to driver pressure and install a Port-O-Potty at the end of a line, but these are almost always broken into right away and rendered unusable.