Ladies, please sit down for this one. Hell, you guys should sit too. See, San Diego resident Alfred G. Rava sued the Oakland A's. Why? Well, on Mother's Day of 2004, the Oakland A's had a Mother's Day event. Said day celebrating certain vagina owners went like this: Before the game there was "a fight-breast-cancer 5K run before the game, free mammograms, and the first 7,500 women through the gate got floppy plaid sun hats from Macy's." Pretty cool, huh? Well, Rava, a San Diego attorney who happened to be in Oakland and at the ballpark that day, was so incensed at not receiving his own free floppy hat that he sued. What's more, a judge just gave "preliminary approval to a $510,000 settlement -- roughly half to lawyers and the rest to the victims."

According to ESPN, all you male victims female oppression can claim a small victory for mankind.

If you can prove you were one of the first 7,500 people there that day, you get $50 in cash, two-for-one A's tickets and a $25 Macy's coupon. It won't be hard. All you have to do is (A) state under oath that you are a male, (B) show some kind of receipt for your ticket and (C) swear you were there early. That's good enough. There's no video, and nobody's going to spend $5,000 deposing you over $100.

Oh yeah, you'll also spend eternity in hell if you try claiming this prize.

ESPN's Rick Reilly gives his thoughts about Rava, saying, "Personally, I find Mr. Rava as odorous as a bag of dyspeptic hamsters ... When they wrote California's Unruh Civil Rights Act in 1959 -- the act Rava sues with -- they never thought soulless creatures like him would someday slink about the earth."

We, however, think Rava is doing God's work on behalf of oppressed XY-chromosome carriers throughout the U.S. We salute you, Rava.

Aside from Juanita More's party at Bambuddha Lounge, the Frameline Film Fest, KRON4 fag hag Jan Wahl's coverage of the parade, the meth cloud that will hover above Beck's Motor Lodge, and the bittersweet tang of buried shame rising to the surface, we can't say we're looking forward to this month's melee. We're just that cool. Or bitter. Or both.

What about you, San Franciscans? Any plans for the big weekend?