Last week's two-peat winner, the Guardian: Angry, angry about the Village Voice's buyout of the New Times. Gavin Newsom -- in the pocket of the business community elites? Say it ain't so! Arlene Ackerman, bristling at public review? Say it ain't so! Annalee Newitz went to a Nick Denton party. Cover article: We're talkin' LO, LO, LO, L-O-V-E, LO, LO, LO. (Will Ashlee Simpson ever go away? That song's kinda catchy, though.) That teensy little restaurant on the corner of 18th and Mission, which is now Burmese food. Hey guys, when you roll over "cheap eats" on the homepage, it still says "Dan" Leone.) And hey, the sex columnist moved to the back! (the back of the weekly, that is.) The Metro: Radio radio. Something about a Neolithic goddess. Cover article: The science of pick-up artists. Jerk chicken. The Police tribute band Stung in Redwood City. Hyphy, the West Coast answer to crunk. The Asian Excellence Awards in Secret Asian Man. Hey, we totally had a good time watching those! C'mon, they were sponsored by XO! ...

Last week's winner, the SF Weekly: Tommy Craggs, like Tony Toni Tone, has done it again! This week, he uses the Microsoft Word auto-summarizer to read last week's interminable Sean Penn in Iran articles from the Chron! Could it be that Mr. Craggs heard our desperate cries for help? In other news, Matt Smith hates on Chris Daly's Rincon Hill deal, the Infiltrator pretends to Christian rock, and the cover article's about heavy metal Thor. Savage Love: you know, if you start a letter to Dan with "I'm straight, I'm smart, I'm funny, and I'm hot," you kind of get what you deserve. Next: the Metro! RIP, Bob Moog. The war on terror seemed a little overblown in Lodi. Spongebob Squarepants at Great America! Cover: San Jose gang war. And Secret Asian Man eats your hate up like love. The Guardian and the East Bay Express after the jump, plus the pick of the week! ...