Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start: when Alex Smith got injured, there was some back-and-forth about whether or not he was healthy. While this was going on, Nolan made the occasional subtle and not-so-subtle dig at Smith for not being sufficiently tough. Cue speculation and rumormongering approaching Brangelina levels. The Merc apparently had heard some other Niners joining in on the Smith dog pile and asked Alex about it. Alex went a wee bit on the ballistic side and accused Nolan of trying to turn the team against him, making him play when he wasn't healthy, and for generally being a big poopy-head. This all hit the press sometime yesterday and, well, hello hullabaloo. Naturally, the two parties met and issued statements talking about how their relationship is all :) and not :(

So now you have the franchise QB fighting with the Face of the Franchise and, no, that's never a good thing.

The question of what to do now has landed on the not-very capable laps of the York's who have to figure out a way though this mess. They now basically have three choices: negotiate some sort of detente between the two, get rid of Nolan, or get rid of Smith. Ideally, the negotiation thing would be easiest way out of it but maybe not the best solution. So, then, who should go?

Arguments in favor of keeping Nolan: He looks really good in a suit.
Arguments for keeping Smith: the Niners gave him a lot of money.

Man, what a big game that Steelers/Pats game was supposed to be. We woke up yesterday morning looking forward to sitting down and watching us some really good football between two really good games only to discover that the game wasn't on because due to the NFL's stupid rules about TV games, we were forced to watch…

Vikings 27 49ers 7- Seriously, there's something wrong about the fact the NFL forces everyone to have to watch this crap. Shouldn't they at least create some sort of Mercy Rule that says that if a team has only three wins and they're down by around 20 at halftime that we should be allowed to watch other games? Okay, yes, the Niners held Adrian Peterson to almost zero yards, but they lost mainly because they gave up ten points on five turnovers, a dangerous proposition when you can't score. They also gave up an 84 yard run by Chester Taylor that looked like at least five or six Niners had a chance to tackle him but nobody could. And now Dilfer's down and Alex Smith is either healthy or about to have season-ending surgery and one of the most historically inept offenses in NFL history could be possibly led by the third string QB. This franchise is shite.

"Yes, it's true what they say, every dog has his day"- the Kinks

49ers 37 Cardinals 31- Now, that's what we call a game: back and forth scoring, a last-minute drive followed by another last minute drive, a missed field goal, and then the winning touchdown on a fumble in the end zone. And that doesn't even accurately describe the last furious minutes of regulation time and the overtime. The Cards had a big play that should have won the game as the kicker made the kick, but it was called back by a delay of game penalty and the kicker missed the ensuing kick. That never happens. But the big deal, other than the win obviously, is that the Niners actually showed some offensive game. They did weird things like using a spread offense or crossing patterns and some guy we barely remember named Frank Gore was given the ball a whole bunch of times. That guy is good-- maybe the Niners should give him the ball more? How big of a deal was this game?

Raiders 20 Chiefs 17- Here's the other shocker of the day as the Raiders had a lead and actually held it. This despite the fact some dude on the Chiefs named Kolby Smith ran for 150 yards against the Raiders. The hero for the Raiders was Justin Fargas who ran for 139 yards. Fargas has become our favorite Raider mainly because of his name: Justin Fargas sounds like a name in some pulp fiction police story, like he's the hard-nosed police investigator who always skirts the law and we can just see some Police Sergeant banging his table and exclaiming loudly "Get me Fargas!" Anyways, this was the first Raiders victory in six games, their first win in 9 games against the Chiefs, and first in 17 tries against AFC West opponents.

If there's anybody in the city taking more heat than Mike Nolan, it's his quarterback, Alex Smith. Smith stands accused by the Faithful of not very being good. The evidence? Overthrowing Receivers. Underthrowing Receivers. Not seeing open Receivers. The numbers back up the evidence-- he has a preposterously low QB rating (57.2) and completion percentage (48.7). He is also 11-19 as a starting QB. In the games we've watched, Smith looked like the same QB he was when he first started-- skittish and inaccurate-- so much so, the Faithful are muttering that Smith, as a #1 draft pick, has been a bust of Lucy Pinder-like proportions (sort of NSFW-y).

There are many theories out there for his general awfulness. Is he still hurt? Is the new offensive coordinator lame? Was the brief glimmer of decent play all due to Norv? He also played in a spread offense in college and there's a theory that QBs who play in gimmicky college offenses don't do well in the NFL. And maybe he just isn't a very good QB?

And speaking of #1 draft picks, there is the Raiders. The only reason to care about the Raiders right now is the eventual Coming of JaMarcus. After all, what else do Raiders fans have left to care about? The Raiders are like this season of "Heroes"-- boring and awful with only the possibility of something interesting happening towards the end as the only reason to keep watching-- Save the QB, Save the World. So why isn't the big guy playing? Is he not ready yet? Or maybe it's because whenever Al reappears from his cryogenic freezer, he mandates that the Raiders still need to just win, baby. After all, the AFC West is God-awful and a Raiders' Colorado Rockies-like run can actually send them into the playoffs and that probably won't happen with JaMarcus at the helm. Then again, it probably won't happen with Josh or Daunte and Andrew at the helm either.

After staunching out the Arizona Cardinals last week, the Niners head to St. Louis to try to get ahead at the expense of the reeling Rams and bolt further ahead in the race for the NFC West.

* San Francisco vs. St. Louis
Sunday, September 16, 2007. 10:00 AM, PST.
Week 02
The Battle Of Overcoming

STL has been hit hard by the injury bug. Their players've been dropping by the wayside as quickly as our government's rationales for the Iraq war! The Rams already lost their best player, all-world offensive line cornerstone Orlando Pace, for the year with a shoulder injury. WR Torry Holt's knee is bothering him, OLB Pisa Tinoisamoa's ankle is tweaked, WR Issac Bruce is old, and CB Tye Hill just broke a bone in his back during practice. Broke his back. Yiii.

Needless to say, this is a team that the even the sluggish 49er team from the first three-quarters of the week 1 game against Arizona might match up favorable against. The Rams will only be dressing three cornerbacks for this game fer-pete's-sake!

But here's where things become even darker for the Rams' chances: RB Frank Gore's mother Liz passed away this week. She was the guiding light in his life, and the strong matriarch of his family. Knowing Frank's ferocious drive to do his best on the field for sake of his team and his family and those who believe in him, we fear for those who dare to stand in his path this Sunday.

Next up on your American Football Spectacular: The Oakland Raiders go to the mile-high city of Denver where a most-evil blocking scheme lurks, built to break men's hearts, knees, and fantasy teams...

Yesterday, the gentleman who came to be called The Genius passed away from leukemia at the age of 75.

The importance of Bill Walsh to San Francisco sports, and the whole of the National Football League, cannot be overstated. He changed the game. He changed the sports landscape of the Bay Area. And he did it in a way that no one had ever done before: the philosophy of attack that became known as the West Coast Offense.

An innovator, a brilliant motivator, a ferociously-focused competitor with a sly sense of humor, Walsh was the man who rebuilt the San Francisco 49ers into the greatest American football organization that the NFL had yet seen.

Rare is the man who can outpace his own disappointment. Walsh chafed at being an NFL assistant for more years than he expected. He wanted to run his own squad. When he finally got his shot as a head coach in 1979 with the sad-sack 49ers, he was 47. It was later in the day than he'd expected to run a team.

There's usually two ways we go about doing this. One of them is to compare something in sports to something in pop culture. Like "What Member of the 2006 Yankees is Like a cast-member of 'Saved by the Bell'" or "the Giants outfield is pretty much the baseball equivelant of Larry, Darryl, and Darryl." The other way is to break something down by relating something to quotes from some popular form of entertainment.

So, in keeping with this tradition, we here at SFist will break down the upcoming NFL season with quotes from one of our favorite personages of pop culture-- Moliere. Cause nothing says American football like Enlightenment-era French dramatists. Grab a seat, put on some chamber music, and put on your favorite wig as SFist takes a look at the new NFL year!

So this year, as we approach NFL '06, we read through the experts to see what they have to say about our two local teams. This year, they all pretty much said the same thing about both of our local teams. In fact, we could sum it up in two words: last place.

How dreary is this season looking? On Deadspin, the writer of the Raiders' preview refused to discuss the current team, only his Raiders memories, and the writer for the 49ers admits he hasn't really cared since Steve Young left.

But wait, isn't there more to the teams other than being doomed to last place? Well, yes. The general consensus on the 49ers seems to be that they're bad, but not as bad as last year, mainly because it's almost mathematically impossible for a team to be that bad two years in a row. And the general consensus for the Raiders seems to be "what the?" as in "what the hell are they thinking."

Quarterback plays a large part in the thinking, mainly in that Aaron Brooks is destined to break break your heart. Which we know because he broke our heart two years ago in Fantasy Football. As for Alex Smith? All Peter King could say about him is that he's a really nice guy. Apparently, so is Vernon Davis because that's all the TMQ could say about the Niners. Alas, we all know what happens to nice guys.

Well, there are some nice things being said about both teams. ESPN says the Raiders are making the right moves but are still a last place team. And Ron Borges of MSNBC Sports says if things break right, the Raiders could surprise. ESPN also has some love for Mike Nolan and says he's the right guy at the right time but still hampered by the previous guys.

So see, it's not that bad, Bay Area football fans. With a little luck, the Raiders can compete and the Niners can compete in 2008. Until then, well, isn't watching football really about drinking a lot of beer and eating really disgusting food with the buddies? We'll always have Pat O'Shea's