Yay! Exciting news. We just love award shows! And now we have something to look forward to. Something to be proud of. Something that will take our gaze off of Ryan Seacrest’s creepy, over-animated mouth. Wait, what? The San Francisco cast of Jersey Boys is performing at the Emmys? Whoop-dee-do. How are we supposed to get excited about that? Sorry to be a tease, but we do have one thing to look forward to......

Our theory is this: American Idol is like sex, in that it's freakin sweet when it's going on, but a few minutes after it ends you've forgotten most of it. We know, it's so clever. So that's our theory about sex. We mean, about American Idol. The show's in San Francisco this week, which means the Patented Autohydraulic Seacresting Device does his stand-ups next to some slanty houses and the GG bridge. This is the......