KGO7's Dan Noyes has it that cocaine-and-booze-free Ruby Tourk has already written two chapters of a hopefully-soon-to-be-published self-help book, which will detail her “‘hitting rock bottom with Newsom after 20 years of alcoholism and coke use.’” As you remember, while married to Gavin Newsom’s former campaign manager and best buddy, Alex Tourk, Ruby was also Newsom’s party pit-stop for a spell. (And there’s the most darling Facebook picture of her tapping away at her......

Buried at the bottom of Sunday's Matier & Ross column is a blurb detailing the lengths ABC 7's Dan Noyes has been going to try and get an interview with everyone’s favorite femme fatale, Ruby Tourk. In the blurb, there's a few mildly snarky comments about Dan trying once again to get Gavin and how he's trying to stir things up with the issue of Ruby's time off. ...

Remember that mini-scandal concerning Ruby Tourk's timesheets and her disability leave? Well, ABC 7's spunky I Team has more on the story as they got their hands on Ruby's timesheets and discovered that a a lot of her sheets were either signed by her, by random people or by nobody. That would be 42 out of 65 timesheets. Some of them were even signed off by hubby Alex and a few by Epstein's mother. ...

Last week's winner, the SF Weekly: Those of you longing for less Newsom news, the Weekly is your place! It's an entirely Ruby Tourk-free issue (except for the first two paragraphs of Matt Smith, at which point he then changes the subject entirely to talk some more about the city golf courses). More letters about Jade-Blue Eclipse. Has Nancy Pelosi had a facelift? People upset about the increase in fees for a state medical marijuana......

We have no illusions anyone's going to read this column today what with all this news about Gavin Newsom's affair with his campaign manager's wife -- but we soldier on nonetheless. Last week's winner, the SF Weekly. Matt Smith rails about some kind of corruption at SFO. No, not an affair with your campaign manager's wife. The Apologist is leaving the Weekly -- oh no! The final Apologist -- are you an Apologist for the......