Last week's winner, the Bay Guardian. The theme of the Local News section is "Editor's note: Alix Rosenthal [District 8 candidate] is the domestic partner of Guardian city editor Steven T. Jones. Jones did not participate in the assigning, writing, or editing of this story," as the Guardian weighs in on both the Castro Halloween fight and an update on the Pendulum. Also, Chris Daly can't get any documents under the sunshine laws either. Why......

Last week's winner, the East Bay Express: Vote for SFist in the EBX Readers' Poll! We love the chicken holding a sword with its foot in this week's Dream Comic. A company that puts prank pink flamingos on people's lawns (called "Flamingo Surprise"). Cover article: The Coup, along with that picture of their album with the World Trade Center blowing up. Rob Harvilla tells us his departure for the Village Voice isn't us, it's him. Good luck out there on the cold East Coast, Rob! Have fun with Christgau! Lit section. Hyphy hyphy hyphy hyphy hyphy. And SFist Eve's horoscope: she's going to "find the passion to unite what at first glance seems like an unlikely gathering of associates." That's us over here at SFist! The SF Weekly: Vote for SFist in the SF Weekly Readers' Poll! The Apologist on the 1906 festivities, titled "Ready to Rumble." ("Honestly, I'm disgusted. This is a time to be celebrating earthquakes, not studying them." Ha!). Sucka Free City columnist (male) gives birth on Second Life. It's a girl! Cover article: Jewel thieves. Book section: The guilty pleasure of the Da Vinci Code. SFIFF. Meredith eats French! Good thing Ced's away, as we expect he was driven to heights of fury by the part where Meredith asks why a confit of rabbit isn't the same as a rabbit terrine. (We don't know the difference but we're sure our Gastronome does!). And Dan Savage infuriates bisexuals again. The Guardian and the Metro, after the jump, along with the Weekly of the Week....

Our secret boyfriend is breaking up with us! The Village Voice media juggernaut has just announced that our WRTW crush Rob Harvilla is taking over the New York flagship alt-paper's music editorship, replacing poor beleaguered Chuck Eddy at the helm. What will we do without the Cred Sheet or Down In Front? Who will we crush on in the alt-weekly music realm now? Todd Inoue of the SJ Metro, you're our only hope! Rubbing salt......

Last week's winner, the Guardian: Hey, we've received late-breaking word of some layoffs at the Bay Area's Oldest Alternative Newspaper. Hope you guys are all doing okay. Onto the pre-layoff news: It's the Freedom of Information issue! Hey, here's some free information -- the Guardian laid off some people. Slumlords, first in a three-part series. Cover: FOIA, FOIA, FOIA. Vanessa Hua gets some love for breaking the Kevin Shelley story. RIP, Octavia Butler. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs are so much better than No Doubt! New DVD magazine by McSweeney's. Bars and Clubs insert: how to open your own bar, and barronista gossip. And SFist Eve's horoscope: a gust of wind could destroy your potential this week, so proteck ya neck! (don't feel bad, SFist Eve, our horoscope says that our inner fears have paralyzed us. Why, we can hardly move our fingers to type this post!) Next, the East Bay Express: Bottom Feeder! A collection of funny Jerry Brown quotes, and an update on the social worker that let a teenager slash an old lady's throat in Berkeley. Ferries aren't really going to save us in an earthquake, are they? (no.) Cover: using citrus-based anti-bacterial lotions to stop AIDS (really!). Chinese buffets. Rob Harvilla warns about the dangers of Dem Franchise Boyz's song "Lean wit It, Rock with it": "If you lean wit it at the exact moment the person behind you chooses to rock wit it, you may collide and knock each other unconscious." That wins the prestigious "sentence of the alternative week" award! And trendy band alert: Arctic Monkeys. And hey, the SF Weekly's Nate Cavalieri shows up across the bay! Lean wit the SF Weekly, rock wit the Metro, after the jump. Also, the weekly of the week!...

Last week's winner, the Guardian: Gavin just wants to be able to park his cars downtown, guys! Congratulations, A.C. Thompson, for winning a Polk Award for your article about the deplorable conditions in SF public housing! Cover: This week in Steven Jones's ongoing Burning Man series -- Burning Man goes to Katrina. A review of 50 Cent's videogame, f/ the vocal talents of G-Unit, Dre, and Eminem. Get Rich Or Die Trying indeed. Someone yells at the Sonic Reducer to stop chewing her gum so loud at the Jeff Tweedy show. Email newsletter Books To Watch Out For, by the former publisher of the Feminist Bookstore News. We're signing up right now! And the newest restaurant at 22nd and Guerrero. The East Bay Express: A profile of the very busy doctor trying to recall Schwarzenegger. Goth-metal scapegoating in the Scott Dyleski trial. Cover article: Couples who buy houses instead of getting married. Peaches Christ went to Penn State? Go Nittany Lions! Ayelet Waldman's entertaining solipsism continues. Our secret boyfriend Rob Harvilla goes to the 107.7 Bone Rock Girl competition. Going all James Frey on Motley Crue's The Dirt. And SFist Eve is at the helm of her personal Starship Enterprise! Beam us up, SFist Eve! After the jump, the SF Weekly and the SJ Metro, and the Pick of the Week. ...

...because this week they're not that long! We'll start, as always, with last week's winner, the East Bay Express. Cover story is on the Richmond Steelers midget football team -- no, really, it is! Bottom Feeder on animal rights activists who've crossed the line. Cityside on the conflict between industry and residence in Oakland. Justin Benton on the Seldom Seen Acting Company. SFist Sarah, do you know Ramen freak Mira? We prove ourselves to......

...because we think they're cute and tiny! We totally didn't Read the Weeklies last week, which is in direct opposition to our What Would Rita Do? bracelet. With a break like that, we don't even remember who won last week, so let's start fresh, with the East Bay Express. Cute chicken on the cover, story is on how the avian flu is harder to prevent in free-range and cage-free poultry. Fascinating stuff. Dog-f**ker isn't......