Check out The Bigamist tonight at the Balboa's Reel SF film fest! And Santa Claus legends negatively impact yet another man -- a guy in Hayward, high on unspecified drugs, got stuck trying to sneak back into his house through the chimney, naked. He was trying to rappel down the chimney using the cable TV wire on the roof when the cable snapped and he got stuck three-quarters of the way down. He was stuck there from about 2:30-6:30 a.m., when a neighbor overheard his cries for help. It then took the cops about an hour to push him back up. Four triathletes had to be rescued from the San Francisco bay by the SFPD boat crew and the Coast Guard, after they were swept into strong-moving currents Sunday morning that outpaced their companion safety boats. This is why we compete in the TV-watching/book-reading/music-listening Our Couch Triathlon every weekend instead! And this is a little outside of our coverage area, but a Santa Cruz woman is in custody after biting off the fingertip of a guy she was fighting with. Authorities say alcohol may have been a contributing factor (no way!). On the bright side, that guy can make some quick bucks selling that fingertip to someone who wants to dunk it in a bowl of Wendy's chili. ...

Check out Barbary Coast this Sunday and Monday at the Balboa's Reel SF film festival! Don't you think you'd want more protective clothing and not less when you're working in carpentry? Montclair residents called the cops on a guy buck-nekkid in his backyard, sawing wood (ha!). When a neighbor came by to complain, the woodworker seemed "unconcerned" and said he was running behind (ha!). When the cops arrived, the handyman said he was going to do some work underneath his house and didn't want to get his clothes dirty. Turns out the guy's been cited three times before in Berkeley for naked home repair. Five 8th graders at Stanford Middle School have been suspended after the school determined they were responsible for spray-painting graffiti on the school. The graffiti included anarchy signs, smiley faces, swastikas, references to Columbine, dirty pictures, and mean things about teachers. Quite a mix there. Authorities also report that at least one of the students suspended was a girl. ...and in this week's Susan Polk drama, oldest son Adam called his mother "bonkers" and "cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs" as she continued a third day of rambling questioning about whether he had been satanically abused and whether he had threatened to kill her in the past. Jurors were seen trying to conceal smiles and giggles through the testimony....

Go see Ladies They Talk About this Wednesday and Thursday at the Reel SF film fest at the Balboa! Santa Clara's high tech crime unit is preening itself after prevailing against a burglar who caused at least $750,000 in losses to local companies. A 6'5" African-American burglar with a shaved head (they called him "The Green Mile") was pretending to be a security guard, walking into companies like Cisco, eBay, Yahoo, and Google, and stealing......

There's something vaguely weird in reviewing a movie that came out in 1936 (Who is this young rising star Clark Gable? He's going to go far!), but we had a great time at the kickoff screening for the Balboa Theater's ever-popular Reel SF series, where the theater presents classic movies set in San Francisco. San Francisco is the famous disaster movie about the 1906 earthquake, and tells the story of a local hothead (Clark Gable) running for the Board of Supervisors. (Really! We're not making that up! Our favorite part of the movie, next to the earthquake, was the excellent election rally they held in what would have been District 3 if they'd had district elections back in 1906, where the candidate gives a boring speech about land use, announces, "free beer for everyone!", and then gets in a fight. We see a remake for District 6 with Chris Daly in the lead!) The hothead's in love with a showgirl (Jeannette MacDonald), who sings that famous "San Francisco/Open your Golden Gate" song they use now to kick off screenings at the Castro, over and over and over. Spencer Tracy is in the movie too, playing a priest. The Anita Loos (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes) screenplay translates remarkably well into the modern day (what? Conflict between downtown corporate interests and the supervisor looking out for the little guy?) and everyone in the audience had a thoroughly good time. The Balboa is screening San Francisco tonight and tomorrow in tribute to the 100th anniversary of the Big Quake, and the Tuesday the 18th screening will be preceded by vintage fillms (some in 3-D) from 1906, live performances, and a "special surprise guest." Go check out San Francisco's Gone With The Wind yourself, and like us, spend the next day vainly trying to get "San Francisco, Open Your Golden Gate" out of your head. San Francisco, showing 12:45, 4:45, 7:00 p.m. tonight Special Tuesday earthquake centennial screening: 7:00 p.m. Balboa Theater 3630 Balboa (between 37th and 38th Avenues)....

See The Lineup and Dirty Harry tonight at the second-to-last night of the Balboa's Reel SF film fest! A disgruntled former employee stormed the Conard Community Services Center at 9th and Mission yesterday morning and shot a caseworker dead. It could have been much worse, but for the quick thinking of another employee, a man coming by to pick up a public assistance check, and a third homeless man in the area, who wrestled the shooter to the ground and disarmed him. The shooter was carrying a handgun, a shotgun, and an axe. Y'know, coming back and shooting up your former office just confirms that they were probably right to let you go in the first place. The finger lady's back in town! Anna Ayala was arraigned (check out that smirk!) in Santa Clara Superior Court yesterday, with a cheering crowd of 12 present. (They were asked to cover up their homemade INNOCENT shirts before entering the courtroom.) Ayala waved big and repeatedly mouthed "I love you" to them and the cameras, and let out a big whoop when the judge set bail at $500,000. Meanwhile, the cops are now searching a ranch in Mexico. And the student leader of the gay-straight alliance at Tamalpais High in Mill Valley has confessed to faking incidents of anti-gay vandalism at the school, saying that she just wanted some attention. The school had been investigating anti-gay graffiti on the walls and doors of openly gay teachers, and the vandalism of the gay-straight alliance student leader's car. The school has stripped the student, a wrestler, of her award for Best Student Athlete as a result. ...

See The Lady From Shanghai tonight at the Balboa's Reel SF Festival! A true lady from Shanghai, Julie Lee got indicted by the feds yesterday, for mail fraud and witness tampering, over her alleged money laundering for Kevin Shelley. Her attorney says he's never seen someone get busted by the city, the state, and the feds. Yahtzee! We are so sorry that SFist wasn't around at the time of the Noel-Knoller dog mauling case (RIP, Diane Whipple). The best were those line drawings! Hott! But we'll be covering the latest round of legal shenanigans: the California Court of Appeals just reinstated the second-degree murder charges against Knoller, ruling that the DA didn't need to prove that Knoller knew that the dogs would kill someone, just that she knew she couldn't control them. We've said it before, we'll say it again -- you name a dog "Bane," you probably have some kind of idea it might be a crazed killer. And we're going to cover this latest item briefly, but reluctantly, and we were really hoping not to cover it at all: the son of Oakland City Counsel president Ignacio de la Fuente was arrested on two charges of rape last week. De la Fuente, considered a leading candidate for Oakland City mayor, was understandably pretty upset about the news and has been accepting the condolences of the Oakland community. When asked how this would affect his mayoral chances, de la Fuente said, "The last thing on my mind is the mayor's race." ...

See Sudden Fear tonight at the Balboa's Reel SF film festival! Someone's killing pets in San Jose: neighborhood residents in Willow Glen had been getting -- and ignoring -- increasingly-threatening notes complaining about various pets over the past seven years -- until a King Charles spaniel named Jackson was killed last week. Jackson's owner had received two notes complaining about barking a few years ago, and then came home to find that Jackson had been poisoned with antifreeze. Another neighborhood resident's cat had been found killed seven years ago, with a note on its collar saying, "I warned you about your cat." Police are saying it's probably just a weird coincidence that a woman was murdered early Sunday morning in the Western Addition at Eddy and Divisadero was killed a few blocks away from where her father was killed two months ago. Man, you don't want two members of your family featured in the SFist Blotter! And a Pittsburg police officer shot in the line of duty over the weekend has died. His family is donating his organs. ...

Bono makes appearance at Glide Memorial on Sunday, singing "Stand By Me" and talked of meeting the pope and offering him his "fly" shades. San Jose State cheerleaders get into a somewhat violent altercation with fan who thought their routines bordered on the lascivious. It looks like the electioneering communication reform bill will become law in time for the next campaign period. Everyone's been assured that bloggers will be exempt. Nancy Pelosi gave Tom......