In a storyline ripped from a rejected Desperate Housewives spec, Laurie Ann Martinez, a psychologist at Folsom Prison, was charged with faking her own rape in order to get her stubborn husband to move the couple to a better neighborhood. Reasonable, right? No, that is not reasonable. That is terrible. Also, she was in cahoots with a friend during this faux rape/robbery ordeal. more ›

In an effort to become the most boring place on the world wide web -- or maybe it's just us? Since our friends post the most meh stuff now, we've resorted to following Arbor Mist's spectacular, frighteningly honest updates. Seriously. "Sparkling Raspberry put the sparkle in my smile ;)" beats the umpteenth pretentious Kanye West song lyric -- Facebook will "work with law enforcement agencies nationwide to remove accounts set up by inmates or posted on their behalf." Why? Well, according Associated Press, "prisoners are using the social networking site to stalk victims and direct criminal activity." more ›

KTVU reported on this evening's broadcast (but not online) about a pretty sad accident that occurred this morning in the warehouse of San Quentin State prison. An inmate, who arrived at the prison last November for selling and possessing drugs, suffered life-threatening injuries after being caught between a truck driven by an outside vendor and the loading dock. more ›

The man convicted of kidnapping, raping, and holding Jacyee Dugard in captivity for 18 years will be sent to the same prison as noted Manson Family founder Charles Manson at Corcoran State Prison. Sacramento Bee reports: "Upon arrival, Garrido was placed in a segregated cell for his own protection but, after processing, likely will be placed in the prison's protective housing unit with 14 other inmates, including cult leader Charles Manson and mass-murderer Juan Corona." more ›

After a dining hall riot broke out at San Quentin on Sunday, four prisoners were hospitalized with non-life-threatening injuries. The minor melee involved at least 200 convicts. No idea what, exactly, prompted the fisticuffs. However, the Examiner reports that "[t]he men ended up with stab and slash wounds after the riot erupted around 6:50 p.m." and no staff members were injured. more ›

Remember Nathan Simpson? The convict who escaped from a detention facility in Solano County on Sunday night? Well, he was caught. According to CBS 5, Simpson "was captured by special agents from the CDCR and arrested around 10 p.m. [Thursday night] and taken to California State Prison-Solano in Vacaville." Simpson is serving time for vehicle theft. [CBS 5] more ›

Have you seen this man? He's Nathan Simpson, 30, and he escaped from a detention facility in Solano County on Sunday night. CBS 5 reports: "Simpson is described as a white man with a thin build, fair complexion, brown hair and brown eyes. He is 6 feet 1 inch tall and weighs around 150 pounds. He was last seen wearing orange-colored jeans and shirt with the initials CDCR printed on the back." more ›

Amid this Monday swamp of owl starvation, Arizona rampage, and Dolores Park shooting, a silver lining shines through: Tom DeLay, former House majority leader during our country's darkest period, was sentenced to three years in jail today "for his role in a scheme to illegally funnel corporate money to Texas candidates in 2002." more ›

Santa Cruz was on the edge of its seat yesterday during the intense hunt for escaped fugitive Maurice Lamont Ainsworth Jr., who had escaped police custody yesterday while at Dominican Hospital for an MRI. Ainsworth, who is 6 feet 7 inches and weighs 270 pounds, overpowered the one sheriff's deputy who had accompanied him to the hospital, stole her gun, and escaped to a nearby preschool. more ›

While the rest of the Bay Areacelebrated the World Series victory, earnest-college-students-who-get-arrested-in-dangerous-countries-while-traveling-abroad poster girl Sarah Shourd, right, held candles during a vigil for her hiker pals still jailed in Iran. Alas, what with a record-breaking crowd gathered just across the Bay, Wednesday was not the best day to call attention to oneself or one's classmates. (AP Photo/Darryl Bush) more ›

Jerry Brown scored another coup (not that it will matter) when the state's prison guards' union endorsed him for governor. Sacto Bee reports, "California Correctional Peace Officers Association President Mike Jimenez said in a news release that the union's decision was guided by at 'tremendous need for reform and a pragmatic approach and understanding of the crisis that we see within the correctional system.'" more ›

Scott Thomas was sentenced to 26 years in the clink yesterday. If you recall, back in 2007 Thomas walked into Creighton’s Bakery and stabbed 15-year-old Loren Schaller five times, which severed her jugular vein. (She nearly bled to death, but a medical doctor in the area saw the attack and rushed over to stop the flow of blood until help arrived.) He also punctured the lung of 60-year-old Kermit Kubitz. The incident happened one day after Thomas was "released unsupervised from San Quentin State Prison." [via SFGate] more ›

A group of people are expected to hold a rally in front of the State Building in San Francisco today. It's part of "a statewide day of fasting and advocacy actions" geared at shedding light on prison overcrowding. BCN (via CBS 5) reports: "Prisoners and their supporters up and down California will be joining in the 'Starving for Justice' fast with the help of supporting groups like Californians United for a Responsible Budget, a statewide coalition of more than 40 organizations trying to curb prison spending by closing facilities and reducing the number of people incarcerated." more ›

Current TV journalist Laura Ling, who was arrested in North Korea for (accidentally?) crossing the border, will appear on Oprah today. Among other things, according to Gawker who already saw the show (damned time zones!), Ling will chat about not being able to take a proper shower and stinking up the place. Ick. Why would one ever admit to such a thing? more ›

A Dateline-worthy report from The Associated Press, according to NBC Bay Area, reveals that inmates "convicted of violent crimes are among those being freed early from California jails to save money, despite lawmakers' promises that they would exclude most dangerous prisoners and sex offenders." While a rape and/or murder conviction "forbids authorities from freeing prisoners early," criminals convicted of "assault with a deadly weapon, battery, domestic violence, and attacks on children and the elderly" have been released early before finishing their sentences. more ›

"San Quentin, from the ferry" by Jen Maiser. more ›

A quarantine has been "expanded" at San Quentin due to a probable outbreak of the swine flu epidemic. KTVU reports that "Luis Patino, a spokesman for the federal receiver who oversees medical care at the state's prisons, said Monday that 35 San Quentin prisoners have shown symptoms consistent with the H1N1 virus." What's more, "officials now have isolated 2,100 of the prison's 5,200 inmates. Last week, when the potential cases were limited to one cell block, 800 prisoners were quarantined." All of this, of course, is just precautionary as prison officials are still waiting for test results for confirmation. In related news, Ron Weasley also caught the virus. more ›

Ponzi-schemer and former non-executive chairman of the NASDAQ stock exchange Bernard Madoff was handed a 150 year prison sentence by U.S. District Judge Denny Chin this morning. In the courtroom, Madoff explained to Judge Chin, prosecutors and his victims that he thought he could "work his way out" of fraud and that he lives in a "tormented state." Also, he said that he "lied to his brother and sons and that his wife Ruth Madoff cries herself to sleep each night." Bernard, if you recall, plead guilty in March 2009 to 11 federal crimes, including securities fraud, wire fraud, mail fraud, money laundering, perjury, and false filings with the SEC. Read more about this morning's ruling at Gothamist. more ›

Concerned that today's sentencing will land, if all goes horribly wrong, Current TV journos Laura Ling and Euna Lee 12 years of hard labor inside a North Korean jail, we asked formerly-jailed journalist Josh Wolf for his thoughts on the brouhaha. more ›

While many chin-scratching political commentators claim that Laura Ling and Euna Lee, the two Current TV journalists who were sentenced to 12 years of hard labor in North Korea, are bargaining chips in a high stakes poker game who will be set free once negotiations begin (what, no chess metaphors? oh wait, that's just for the Middle East), you should know that North Korean prisons are no Martha Stewart-insider-trading spa retreats. Lee and Ling will not wax poetic to the media about the taste of lemon or monochromatic home accents during their incarcerations. North Korean hard labor prisons make Midnight Express look like after-school detention. The gulags of North Korea can involve torture, rape, beatings, and much worse. According to San Diego Union Tribune, "Grandsons are condemned to life-long terms as slave laborers alongside their grandfathers, both equally helpless in the brutal surroundings. Prisoners are arbitrarily murdered by security guards. Women suffer from forced abortions at the hands of unlicensed doctors. Newborn babies are beaten to death. And sons and daughters are publicly executed in front of their mothers." If their sentences are carried out, Ling and Lee could face these conditions in North Korea's gulag system. Our hearts go out to the two journos and their families. Seriously. more ›

"Former San Francisco Supervisor Ed Jew sentenced to five and a half years in prison for fraud & extortion," says CBS 5. more ›

Ex-Symbionese Liberation Army member Sara Jane Olson (AKA Kathleen Soliah) was released from prison today. Olson, the soccer mom who was arrested in 1999, was pinched for a 1975 police car bombing plot outside an IHOP in Los Angeles and the shooting death of a customer in the midst of a bank robbery in Northern California. According to reports, Olson will be "allowed to server her parole in Minnesota, where her family lives, instead of being forced to stay in California." more ›

Still sniveling over losing the election, Republican leaders like House Minority Leader John Boehner are seriously suggesting opening up historical landmark Alcatraz as the new Guantanamo Bay. See, Obama (rightfully) closed down Gitmo, the Bush administration's favorite rape camp for prisoners of war, just after setting up shop in the Oval Office. A few Republican leaders were less than thrilled to see this alleged freedom-fighting detainment camp close down, then, rather wittily, suggested sticking the prisoners in the heart of the San Francisco Bay. more ›

Clearly not willing to take on the "bitch" role in his new home, wife killer and former Linux computer programmer Hans Reiser was attacked in prison the other day. According to reports, Reiser is "recovering after he was beaten up by several prisoners this week." If you recall, the Oakland programmer and owner of Namesys, and the main developer of the ReiserFS and Reiser4 computer filesystems, murdered his mail-order wife after a nasty divorce. more ›

Recently transferred to federal prison in Oklahoma, former KGO radio host and child porn connoisseur Bernie Ward has been transported to a federal prison in eastern Texas to serve out the remainder of his seven-year sabbatical. Although it wasn't Ward's first choice -- his ideal jail was a minimum security prison in Lompoc -- FCI Beaumont holds low security male inmates and is a mere 35 miles from the Gulf of Mexico. Ward's release date, according to Dan Noyes, is December 21, 2014. See you then, Bernie! (KGO) more ›

At the risk of sounding too gay--God forbid--the Gate has an article today about integrating cell mates. Or something critical about race relations. Or about ponies and sunshine. We're can't tell you for sure. The accompanying photos have diverted our attention away from the pesky text. (Seriously, institutionalized racism has never seemed this hot.) more ›

Denied. more ›