--What with all the excitement about the arrest warrant for Ed Jew, we didn't get a chance to tell you about how just about 50 miles away, the Santa Clara DA's office had to drop the charges they brought against the now-former mayor of San Jose. (Overzealous.) --GASP!!! The Oakland Zoo's about to get two pandas!!!! --Sex for grades? --John McCain, Bill Richardson, and Barack Obama were in the area today. --Hybrids aren't clogging......

We're guessing most of you are hungover from St. Patrick's Day. We are too. But still, we're going to muddle on through our green haze and give you (drum roll please...) this Week In -ists....

God, we're so sick of Snakes on a Plane that we want to kill anyone and everyone that makes a "something on a something" joke. But then we realized that there was no way we could ever win this fight, and, hell, if you can't beat them, we might as well join them. And with that, you have the theme of this weeks' Gothamist network post. Austinist makes it easy for us, with Candidate on......

Last week's winner, the East Bay Express: Bottom Feeder on whether the Concord mayor is anti-abortion, and the bad body odor of a Berkeley narcotics officer alleged to be on the take. Photoshopping pandas in Oakland. (check out that awesome picture!) Do conservatives have fewer friends? Cover article: no, you can't void your mortgage by claiming that US currency has no value (this is a pretty cool article). Cafe Gratitude in Berkeley has bad service. I Like Eating charms us again with a visit to Rudy's Can't Fail Cafe. And Harvilla on the Kim Deal musical everyone's talking about. The Bay Guardian: Hey, new website design! Chris Daly for Assembly? An entertaining editors' note (scroll down) about whether or not the Guardian believes that vegetables feel pain as they're being digested! Oh, advertiser Rainbow Grocery, always on the cutting edge (ouch! watch that edge!) The inside scoop on the Haight-Ashbury Free Clinic brouhaha. Hating Berkeley law professor John Yoo ("torture is a-okay by me!"). On The Sidelines' hilarious cartoon about bands with three repeated word names ("Die Die Die?" "Tony Toni Tone?" "!!!" ?). Cover article: Matt Gonzalez on Jonestown (and the Guardian shamefacedly admits that they totally thought the Peoples' Temple was okay at the time.) Bettie Page lookalike contest at Thee Parkside this Friday. And SFist Eve's horoscope: it implies that she's currently in a "crazy place" right now -- hey, Double Team, that ain't nice! The SF Weekly and the Metro, after the jump -- along with the Weekly of the Week....

We'd like to point out that our fair state's evil anti-smoking laws have finally struck the Lone Palm -- we were told no more smoking last night. Almost makes us wanna move to a nice, tolerant red state where we can smoke and drink away our sense of impending doom like a normal human being. We had two new weekly features debut this week - the Trimethyldioxypurist will be bringing you slightly jittery thoughts......

Look, Jen, look! Oakland city counsel member Henry Chang announced yesterday that, after six years of wheedling, the Bay Area is officially getting a pair of pandas for the Oakland Zoo. ...

Oakland one step closer to dream of Giant Pandas....

Great White and Monterey Bay Aquarium....