Last week's winner, Bay Guardian: Craigslist is destroying the fabric of America. We love this new news shorts column: Daly! Mocking Jordana Thigpen. Tim Goodman the TV critic was on Nancy Grace the other day? About the murder rate? Was this an interview about Nash Bridges? British grocery stores. Cover article: indie boy and Mission resident Kelley Stoltz. Rilo Kiley overhype begins. Hey Trimethldioxypurist, check out this article on the French-press Starbucks challenge! Indiefest! Color a Curious George to win a family four-pack to see the movie. And SFist Eve's horoscope: recognize your own inner strength and don't be distractible (hey! look over there!) The SF Weekly: Cover article: Rilo Kiley overhype! Matt Smith on the central subway plan. PUNI suggests a "Folsom St. Prison Fair." Ha! In what was clearly going to be the cover article until the Rilo Kiley overhype began, an SF group producing radio shows for Nepal. Hey, the guy who produces the Daily Show is coming to town. Ced on Meredith. ...and oh no! Music columnist OK Then is leaving the Weekly too! What in the Tom Walsh is going on over there? After the jump: the East Bay Express and the Metro. ...

Last week's winner, the San Jose Metro. Phil Angelides made all his money in real estate. The Merc News gets in a screamy match with Baron Davis of the GSWarriors -- literally! Yay. Cover article: Muslim comedians (including this guy). Cirque du Soleil goes South Bay. Picture of Gillian Anderson looking like Madonna. And Straight Dope: can moms really lift cars off their children? Maybe. Next up, the SF Weekly. The editor's note re......

Before we get into it -- ding ding ding! Envision a scantily-clad lady with a placard reading Round Three! Alt-weekly fight! If this were a schoolyard, we'd all be surrounding the SFBG and the Weekly in a circle. The Weekly lunges! And the SFBG throws a punch back! Oooooh! (Online only -- and geez Louise, the Weekly's essay is loooooong. We got a cramp in our mouse finger scrolling down.) Okay, onto the actual weeklies. Last week's winner (who's featuring last week's cover on its website), the Guardian. Dude, we are so not prepared for a Katrina-type disaster. Cover article: nuclear power is bad. Hats! If the restaurant Maverick were in your neighborhood, you'd be a lucky person. People complain about their, um, endowments. And oh yeah, we threw out some shiny insert about food. The Weekly: Matt Smith in rare form, on various humiliations visited on the white race by SF last week. The Chron's Burning Man coverage is only the beginning of the Smith attack! The Infiltrator tries to get his cat cloned. Tommy Craggs on the new A's stadium (lots of diagrams). Meredith Brody's father reminisces about his dinner with Kinsey (no number on the scale revealed.) OK Then on anti FEMA music. Canada, the new Montreal! And the Bouncer goes to the Lone Palm. After the jump: The East Bay Express, the Metro, and the pick of the week....

Last week's winner, the SF Weekly. What, no Apologist this week? We have a confession to make -- we've been writing an "Are you an Apologist for SFist?" column in our head for ages! ("Do you think she really reads the Weeklies every week? a) With the number of comments they get, they should rename it "WHO reads We Read The Weeklies." b) Sure -- why else would you brag about staying informed about the latest public power issues? c) Hey, at least when she's writing that, she's not putting up those asinine Animal Reports."). Harmon Leon goes to Amber Frey's Learning Annex class. Cover article: anti-Muslim discrimination in local schools. OK Then interviews local music blogger Matt Ness. And Liz Phair, self-hating. TheGuardian: Tim Redmond on (you guessed it) public power! A.C. Thompson: did you know parolees are required to live in the county where they got arrested when they get out? Why? Annalee Newitz cracks open some fantasy novels. Cover: SFist Interview alum Steve Jones on his Burning Man project with the Flaming Lotus Girls. The sex columnist on cutting off that strip that holds your tongue in (the frenulum). And Sonic Reducer goes to Ozzfest. After the jump, the EBX and the pick of the week. (Apologist answer d: "I picked something this week; wanna see?")Last week's winner, the SF Weekly. What, no Apologist this week? We have a confession to make -- we've been writing an "Are you an Apologist for SFist?" column in our head for ages! ("Do you think she really reads the Weeklies every week? a) With the number of comments they get, they should rename it "WHO reads We Read The Weeklies." b) Sure -- why else would you brag about staying informed about the latest public power issues? c) Hey, at least when she's writing that, she's not putting up those asinine Animal Reports."). Harmon Leon goes to Amber Frey's Learning Annex class. Cover article: anti-Muslim discrimination in local schools. OK Then interviews local music blogger Matt Ness. And Liz Phair, self-hating. TheGuardian: Tim Redmond on (you guessed it) public power! A.C. Thompson: did you know parolees are required to live in the county where they got arrested when they get out? Why? Annalee Newitz cracks open some fantasy novels. Cover: SFist Interview alum Steve Jones on his Burning Man project with the Flaming Lotus Girls. The sex columnist on cutting off that strip that holds your tongue in (the frenulum). And Sonic Reducer goes to Ozzfest. After the jump, the EBX and the pick of the week. (Apologist answer d: "I picked something this week; wanna see?")...

Last week's winner, the SF Weekly: The Infiltrator goes to the Writing Annex. Oh, Dog Bites -- kicking the Guardian when it's down about the Weekly getting the Warfield named after itself! The fake branded SFBGs are hilar (The "SFBG Hetch Hetchy" is pictured at right). The randy headlines about Badlines are an extra bonus! ("Can Gays Beat Off Bias Claim"'s the best one we can get away with posting.) Cover article: Why does ESPN's Joe Morgan hate the A's Moneyball? SFist Jake, your thoughts? OK Then loves Built to Spill. And Savage Love: pro-choicers dating pro-lifers. Next up, the Hetch Hetchy Bay Guardian! Why haven't the cops caught the people who killed the elderly man in the bathroom of Macy's? (Dude, they know who did it!) Techsploitation about data-hoarding and Grokster. The sex columnist is angry-angry-angry about the female ejaculation debate. Um.... whoa! Dan Leone writes about his 36-inch turd Before you ask: he had a cup of coffee and Indian food the night before. Mad props for the title ("The Longest Yard") and the food covered (pupusas). Cover articles: Bay Area hip-hop, Brazilian post-punk, Swedish psych-prog, and other adjective hyphen-hyphen musical phenomena. The EBX and the pick of the week, after the jump....

Last week's winner, the East Bay Express. East Side Story gets a hug from guru Amma (picture to your right). We can't wait for Jerry Brown's wedding (.pdf, but funny) this Sunday!!! Cover story: the new immigration laws oppress. And Martha Wainwright seems like a nice girl. The Apologist on the Niners tape! Boo yeah! ("What was the most appalling scene? b) The scene with linebacker Julian Peterson posing as a homeless person, with a sign that says, 'Will tackle for food or money.' Last year he didn't tackle for s***." Ha!) Cover article: Mixed-martial arts (also known colloquially as "Ultimate") Fighting (SFist Eve'll love it!). OK Then goes to see the Wallflowers just for his younger sister (awww, sweet!). And Savage Love: men using tampons. The Guardian and the pick of the week, expand-o-tron'ed below....

Last week's winner, the East Bay Express. Dream cartoonist outdoes himself with a dream about fighting Lord Vader! Cover article: The Oakland band Heavenly States had a horrible trip to Libya. Hey, Jose Canseco's doing a book signing at the Jack London Barnes and Noble next Monday! SFist Jake, we hope you're there! Was Abbey Lincoln drunk or delusional at her upsetting Yoshi's show last week? And Savage Love: why can't we charge barebackers full cost for anti-viral drug therapies for their victims? The SF Weekly: Matt Smith, being contrarian and pro-business. We never really understand what he's so upset about, but we're sure he's right! Dog Bites: better California quarter designs. Backroom dealings about Indian casinos. Hey! There's an orchestra performance of the music from Final Fantasy (scroll down) next Monday! Cover article: cabaret singer Antony. OK Then had a nice time at the Saturday J. Newsom concert, and, biting the EBX's style from last week, the Weekly also runs an article about metal yoginis High On Fire. Hilarious undercover sting operations in the Guardian and the Weekly of the Week, after the jump. ...

...while we wait for the inauguration protests to start! Last week's winner, the Weekly. Matt Smith: did you know it's illegal for dogs to have sex in public in the City? Cover article: using California state procedural laws to stymie the rights of people molested by priests. Meredith Brody lunches like a lady at the Neiman-Marcus Rotunda. A pullout guide to your New Year's Resolutions: the usual list: weight loss, playing an instrument, things to do in the city (hey, have you taken one of these nifty cable cars?) and a list of phone numbers for kicking substances. OK Then's list of the next new "hyooj" bands for 2005. Also, OK Then got ticketed on a MUNI even though he had a transfer. Man, what gives with the MUNI cops lately? You should be exempt if you voted for Newsom's tax increases. Not our fault they didn't pass! Savage Love: three-ways, childhood traumas reemerging as sexual fantasies, humping someone's leg, and the word "santorum" wins a linguistic prize for 2004. The EBX: The dream cartoonist illustrates a dream featuring Donnie Wahlberg as an acting teacher. East Bay versus South Bay in the stem cell wars. Trash in the San Leandro watershed. Cover article: folk singer Dave Dondero at the Golden Gate Fields racetrack. An Alameda winery is moving to Brentwood. A profile of Mike Park's peace-promoting label Asian Man. The Guardian and the Weekly of the Week after the jump. ...

and wish you a happy ChrisMaHanuKwanziKah! As last week's winner, the East Bay Express goes up first. A lot of letters criticizing a number of factual errors in Cecil Brown's piece about African-American graduate students at Cal. (i.e., Brown said there were only eight African-American grad students at Cal; there are actually 316. How do you miss 308 people?) Sigh. In happier news, Bottom Feeder proposes to his girlfriend! We hope she says yes. A......

...because we love the smell of cheap newsprint! This week in the Weekly -- new column: The Infiltrator, who does things you always wondered about, such as being interviewed by SFist. This week, the Infiltrator wreaks havoc in an office executive etiquette class. Okay, this column is pretty genius; here's the link. Long Matt Smith column about Hetch Hetchy. Cover article: Franz Ferdinand (looking like the Amish in the City Amish kids on the cover)......