Here's what we've missed in the world of Bay Area sports while trying to figure out who the Oceanic 6 are...

-And now.the Rai-duhs. First they signed oft-injured and oft-whining Javon Walker to a ridiculous contract for around $11 mil a year, one that makes him better paid than many other and much better WRs . The deal was so crazy, it has people wondering if it is the worst deal ever. Also of interest is that after they signed him, the picture put on the Raiders web site about the signing had a picture of Walker grinning with new WR coach James Lofton with head coach Lance Kiffin nowhere to be seen. Isn't it about time somebody call the police to try and find out where he went? Then there's the rumors that the Raiders Chosen One, JaMarcus Russell is apparently eating himself out of a job as he is currently over 300 pounds, something for which team officials are denying.

-Let's see, Zito got shelled again, Lowry is out, the Giants have no shortstop right now, and their designated 1B ain't hittin’ Is 100 losses possible? We couldn't help notice too that the Giants slogan this year is "All Out" which is kind of ironic considering the probable offense they will run out there. And as Leah Garchik pointed out, "All Out" means a whole other thing here in EssEff.

-The Warriors keep winning and winning but still find themselves on the bubble as they are in eighth place in the ridiculously tight Western Conference, two games ahead of the Nuggets. This currently has them playing the Lakers in the playoffs but with Andrew Bynum out, the Lakers could be had (could be) but how many times can an eighth seed beat a #1 seed?

Warriors 105 Sonics 99- Yeah, the Warriors beat a team they should beat but the best news to hit the Warriors today was Yao Ming's season ending injury. The Ws had been involved in a nine team pileup in the Western Division and had scratched and clawed their way to the eighth and final spot thanks to the largess of the Nuggets, now currently starring in a three-game losing streak. But with Yao down, a team that had won twelve straight now looks pretty doomed. The Warriors should solidify their playoff spot just as soon as the Rockets start losing, something for which they should start doing any minute now. Any minute now.....

-The Sharks picked up defensemen Brian Campbell for right wing Steve Bernier and a first round draft pick. No, we're not sure what this all means either. Apparently, the Sharks thought Bernier would help the offense as he's got good stats and was considered some pretty good trade bait. They also sent Rob Davison to the Islanders for a seventh-round pick and signed free agent goalie Brian Boucher. Shark fans, however, aren't quite happy as apparently, nobody is happy with Patrick Marleau.

-Omar Vizquel will be out for the rest of the preseason as he's going to have knee surgery, thus proving this was a bad week for people named Omar (sniff). This means Ray Durham will play 2nd base, Kevin Fransden will play short, and the third baseman will be whomever on the bench draws the short straw.

As we bid adieu to yet another playoff-less football season, SFist gives thanks for the return of "The Wire" to give them something to feel depressed about on Sundays.

Browns 20 49ers 7- This game had the feel of one of those late September baseball games where both teams have their mind elsewhere and the roster is full of names you've never heard of. Anyways, thus ends another lousy season for the Niners as we head to an off-season full of rumors and intrigue. First up is news that one of the people under Nolan-- Scott McCloughan, the VP of player personnel-- will now have Nolan under him as he will be promoted to GM. Smart move or mere chair moving? Is the answer really someone in the organization? And how long will it be before the entire offensive coaching staff gets fired? Today? Tomorrow? Next Thursday

Chargers 30 Raiders 17- As the Raiders' season was pretty much over, this game was rather meaningless but still rather large as it stands as the first, official, start of JaMarcus. And how was he? Other than one big play to Jerry Porter, he didn't look that hot but he wasn't really allowed to do much during the game But man, he is big. Capital B-I-G, BIG. Watching him dink and dunk all game was like watching some High School student playing a bunch of Middle School kids and trying to take it easy on them.

Regardless, there's one team in the Bay Area that has a good outlook on life these days and the colors ain't scarlet and gold.

Warriors 105 Nuggets 95- The Dubs began their run-through their peers in the Western Conference by getting sweet revenge on Denver for last Friday's loss.

Warriors, baby, we need to talk. With Monday night's double kiss off -- a demoralizing loss to the Nuggets in Denver and the news that Baron Davis is going under the knife -- our relationship in on the rocks. Again. Sigh.

As such, we find ourselves on the horns of a dilemma. Should we shoulder the slings and arrows of the last month and give you one last chance to make it up to us with a playoff berth, or should we go ahead and change the locks on this season?

Don't get us wrong, you're still looking pretty damn fine, even with the 24-29 record you've put on since the holidays. It's not like Denver, Minnesota, or the Clips are smokin' hot. You're just 1.5 games out of the playoffs in the Western Conference and we have to admit, the thought of having you in the playoffs is sooo hot. Of course, with Nawlklahoma, Sacramento, Portland, and even Seattle sniffing around lately, you need to show us a little love back. This relationship is a two-way street you know.

You can give us those come-hither looks all you want Warriors, but we're not feeling the love. And baby, you've really let yourself go. Photo from espn.com.

So, in the spirit of Valentine's Day, we've penned you a ten-point manifesto of sweet nothings.

1. Aim high. The ultimate goal should be a championship. Come on baby, you're better than just a .500 record or the playoffs, but until you believe in yourself, you've got a better chance of winning the Lottery than of winning an NBA title.

2. Get a plan. Just ask your little friends Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld what happens when you don't have a plan for your future. What is your vision for the future? What are we building? What are the pieces? What needs to be done? How are you going to go about doing that? How long will it take? Given that anything can happen yadda yadda, if you can't provide specific answers to these questions right now, this second, then we a need a change, right now, this second. If you've got some answers, we'd love to hear 'em.

3. Grow up. When are you going to get it through your head that up-tempo small-ball is NOT the answer. Never has been, wasn't this year, and won't never be. Start shopping for some platform shoes this summer, because when we see you next fall, you need to be a lot taller.