Friday! The night before the night when no one watches television! There's only one new show premiering tonight and we're going to pull out an old chestnut because we just can't resist, and when you're dealing with a show that's as stale as this one, it's appropriate. The show premieres at 9 p.m., is called "Moonlight," and it sucks. OK. Maybe we should explain that. The show is about a detective in L.A. who......

You all ready for a new "lawyer in San Francisco" show? There was that one a few years ago by David Kelly with the three nice looking young ladies, "Girls Club." Lasted for a very few episodes in 2002. Well, there's a new pilot that may have a shot. See, this time there's a new pilot with a San Francisco attorney that has an angle. It could maybe have been called "The Court Whisperer," or maybe "Joe of Arcadia." This new show is called "Eli Stone," and the title character may be a prophet....

The anti-war protestor hit in the jaw with a wooden dowel that was fired by the Oakland police as "non-lethal crowd control" back in 2003 (and who was our yoga teacher's yoga teacher, for what it's worth) has settled with the City of Oakland for $210,000. One of her co-protestors got a settlement of $500,000. You know, this seems remarkably similar to our new obsession, that new game show Deal or No Deal. Speaking of TV shows... guess who's going to be on America's Most Wanted? The cop from the Village People! As you may recall, Victor Willis from Daly City has a bench warrant out for his arrest after failing to show up in court on his coke possession charges. Remember, folks -- the true Macho Man respects the law. The America's Most Wanted episode will probably air around February. And the Merc News ominously intones, "it's beginning to look a lot NOT like Christmas!!!" in a story about two 18-year-olds in Redwood City who've been on a holiday-accessory crime spree this year. Some of their haul included, among other things, a moose-head Christmas wreath that sings "Here Comes Santa Claus." Dude. We are totally going to get ourselves one of those too! ...