Oh, what a day! What a day! What a day! Today is National Milk Chocolate Day. Milk chocolate, you see, is the way chocolate was meant to be eaten. Dark (or real) chocolate is disgusting and bitter and gross on the tongue. It is also pretentious and stupid. People who enjoy high-percentage cocoas are the most annoying people you will ever have the displeasure of meeting. They like to boast about their "sweet tooths" while waiting in impossibly long lines at Tartine (You can hear them say things like, "Oh, this all just looks so good!" or "I tell you, I can't decide!" or "Mmm, heavenly!" Vile.) And men who enjoy dark chocolate are as good as castrated. New foodies generally flock to dark chocolate the same way they do to bacon, pirates, and condescending prattle about how vegetables should always be crisp and barely cooked. more ›