Dispatches from TJICistan points out a delightful fact about General Frederick N. Funston--the apparently sensitivity-free Medal of Honor recipient known for his manliness in both the Spanish-American War and the Philippine-American War, and the current namesake for Fort Funston--who once boasted the following. Ahem: I personally strung up thirty-five Filipinos without trial, so what was all the fuss over Waller's 'dispatching' a few 'treacherous savages'? If there had been more Smiths and Wallers, the......

Just what's up with our least favorite oil spill dilemma, you ask? Let's find out: -- After 29 years of military service, Coast Guard Captain William Uberti will retire after the oil-spill SNAFU is over and done with. According to the Examiner, "Uberti was the region's sector commander when a container ship sideswiped the Bay Bridge in dense fog, dumping 58,000 gallons of thick bunker fuel into the bay." Uberti was soon replaced after......

Photo of our Governor's briefing on Treasure Island yeasterday...

-- Gay Geeks Saturday Night Social: "Fucking faggots," you scream? Ah, correction: "fucking nerd faggots," is more like it. Queers (not just Marys) who like to "geek out on the arts or science, study old plane crashes,... the myth of the American cowboy or how to make graphs more efficient for displaying data," this is the night for you. Come! Starts at 8 p.m. at Muddy's Coffeehouse, 1304 Valencia; free. -- Lights Out SF:......

Which one is the annoying old white person in support of military recruiting, and which one is the annoying old white person against it? At today's U.S. Marine Corps recruiting center protest in Berkeley, who can tell? But one thing is for certain: they all look like they're having fun, which is all that matters.......

Looks like we're in a heapin' load of trouble as those who like to get outraged at us are outraged again. Or, at least something the Archbishop of San Francisco did. Last weekend, while conducting mass, the Archbishop was giving communion when up came two people "wearing bizarre makeup and costumes, including one dressed in a parody of a nun's habit." Hmm…couldn’t that also describe the Pope? Anyways, the "offenders" in question, of course, were members of the Sister of Perpetual Indulgence. So Archbishop George Niederauer gave them communion. ...

Who better to compose an opera on the repetitive forces which govern human nature than Philip Glass! There is no better match to write about the immutability of the human soul, as the theme begs for an insistent ostinato in a minor key, of course. His score is one of the strong points of Appomattox, which had its premiere on Friday night: it is distinctly Glass-ian, but integrates elements and influence contemporary to the civil......

Photos from Fleet Week and what people are saying about the Navy and our Mayor...

As promised, non-mayoral candidate Chris Daly's proposing his nonbinding resolution to ban the Blue Angels from flying over San Francisco at the Governmental Audit and Oversight Committee meeting today. Daly, who's been working with Code Pink, Global Exchange, and Veterans for Peace on the resolution, is asking that San Francisco elected officials work to reduce unnecessary military flyovers in the area, saying that the loud jets are a threat to publich safety; upset pets,......

Gay marriage, GLBTQQGQQ$#@ discrimination, HIV issues, queers in the military, Donna McKechnie (we can only assume), health care, and more are what's on tap for tonight's presidential debate. Disgusting, we know. But 84% of eligible gays voted in the last election, so why not? (Who knew gays could even vote? Huh.) And who better to breakdown and break through all of the rhetoric than SF Bay Guardian's Marke Bieschke (AKA Super Ego). He'll be......

Photo of a dolphin that just passed under the Golden Gate Bridge. ...

Who knew that one of the five islands in San Francisco Bay was privately owned? Even stranger, "Red Rock Island" is now up for sale, for a paltry $10 million. The last time we remember one of our islands changing hands was way back in 1847, when Captain John C Fremont bought Alcatraz for $5000. Fremont was in town, as you no doubt remember, as the head of a surveying expedition. A man of......

Quick, look out your window! Are pigs flying? Mark this day on your calendar, because pugnacious Supervisor Chris Daly has actually backed down on something he's proposed (other than running for mayor, that is). After getting inundated with calls from the media (presumably right-leaning) about his statement the other day about introducing a resolution before the Board of Supes calling for a permanent ban on the Blue Angels' noisy air shows over San Francisco,......

It's our turn to read the Weeklies this week, and we start with SFist Sarah L's pick of last week, the newly-re-indied East Bay Express. Congrats! The letters hate on the UC Regents. Something about racial bias in contracting, we didn't really understand it. The story behind those "nappy headed hos" t-shirts at Bear Basics. Cover article: Some well-paid lackey of "Golden Pig" Don Perata. Bless their hearts at the EBX! They've also started summarizing......

Last week's winner, as picked by SFist Sara L, the East Bay Express! A very deep Dream Cartoon about George Bush getting eaten by a shark. The Oakland military school is not military enough. Inspirational stories of East Bay kids getting scholarships. Cover: A sweet Oakland family stuck in a nightmare bureaucratic lawsuit hell over a mudslide that destroyed their house. Tripe soup in Fruitvale. A soulless book about 90s punk, and more debate about......

Hey kids, it's contest time at the ole -ist as we have a two pairs of tickets to go see "David Gordon's Pick Up Performance- 'Dancing Henry Five'" at the ODC this Thursday night. What is "David Gordon's Pick Up Performance- 'Dancing Henry Five?'" Well, it's a version of Shakespeare's "Henry V" (you know, the one about Prince Hal going from drunken overgrown child to heroic leader and leading his country into a huge military victory, unlike someone we know), except done in an hour. And with dancing. And all multi-media like with recordings from Laurence Olivier and Christopher Plummer intermixed into the performance and we're guessing those recordings won't be from Clash of the Titans or the Sound of Music (although who doesn't want to hear a little "Edelweiss" now and then?) ...

Photos from Earth Day...

Courtesy of the Bay Guardian's politics blog, we get the latest word from Chris Daly's second favorite organization, the Police Officer's Association. In an online posting to fellow Police Officers, Union President Gary Delagnes discussed the reasons why it's been difficult these past few years recruiting new cops. He lists a bunch of the usual reasons: the coast of living in SF, the occasional danger involved in the job, unappealing working conditions, but then finds the ultimate culprit for the lack of new recruits: Gen X sucks. ...

Hey Fleet Weekers! The city of SF really appreciates you risking your lives and going to war and standing up for freedom and all that. And we know exactly how to thank you: by making you late to everything! From October 4 to October 9, all military personnel can ride Muni free of charge. With their Army-strong training in orienteering and reconnaissance, will soldiers have better luck navigating our local bus labyrinth? Don't get......

As we've already explained at tedious length, the bay area's old 511 service is basically useful to nobody (aside from the military contractor who we're paying $11,000,000 to maintain it for the next four years). But good news! There is finally a phone number you can call to get all your transportation questions answered: San Francisco's new 311. That's right -- 311 is doing the work that 511 promised but never delivered. Five-eleven still......

Get ready to go down a transit rabbit hole. Last time we wrote about the crapfest that is 511.org, one of our commenters placed blame on military contractors. So we dusted off our Encyclopedia Brown magnifying glass to see just what's behind one of the noisiest, user-unfriendliest, pedestrian-discouragingest, bicyclist-overlookingest websites in town. The short answer: our local 511.org (just like five-elevens all over the country) is largely a project of the highway industry and, yes,......

Last week, the Washington "Moonie" Times wrote a story saying that, in effect, that Nancy Pelosi requested that the Air Force provide her flights to and from Washington whenever she actually deigns to come home to the City by the Bay. The story is potentially embarrassing to Pelosi as it plays on the caricature of her being shrewish bitch who requests military planes while our brave sons and daughters are dying to fight the war on terror even though Iraq has nothing to do with it and even Republicans wish the war would end but they're still going to stop non-binding resolutions to stop it. Or something like that. As these things tend to happen, the story got out into the Republican echo chamber and you know what happens whenever that occurs-- the press has to cover it like it's an important story. Also, so called blabber mouths in politics and cable news spout it off like it's the unbridled truth without actually investigating it. ...

As if we need more things to worry about concerning our emergency preparedness, a new study about to come out is saying that not even non-profits are ready to respond well to any sort of disaster in the Bay Area, from terrorist attack to earthquake to the Aqua Teen Hunger Force. In a report done by the United Way of the Bay Area entitled "Ready or Not: Ensuring Bay Area Nonprofits Can Serve During Disaster," the conclusion is that non-profits are "more vulnerable to a catastrophic disaster than it needs to be." We love the bland, bueracritic lingo of that statement too-- it sounds much better than, say, "oy, what a mess " or "could be better, but who really knows? To do a better job, they and a bunch of other disaster related organizations are pledging to get together and work all the kinks out. ...

The Navy was all set to commission a battleship in San Francisco in 2008, the Makin Island, but have decided to move it to San Diego instead. It turns out they're a little sensitive to all the anti-military stuff thrown around the city. The Navy, what a bunch of wusses. Eh, just so y'all know, that was a joke. The last thing we need is Fox News knocking on our door for questioning the machismo of the armed forces. ...

As we wrote before, you're staring to hear the phrase "San Francisco values" thrown around and around and not in a good way, more in a trying to scare the bejeesus out of Mr. and Mrs. Red State kind of way. But what exactly do people mean by "San Francisco values." ...

If you happen to be walking down the street this week and hear this sonic boom over your head and the street rumble, it's not the Kin Jong Il finally launching one of his Dong Rockets, it's just that time of the year again, Fleet Week. This year featuring, once again, the Blue Angels. ...

Remember that guy who totally hated on Tristan Bettencourt and posted a web site with all sorts of nasty rumors about him? Well, that's nothing compared to what's been put out on Rob Black, one of the candidates running against Chris Daly in District 6. You may think that Rob comes off as one of those aging hipster types who looks like Ted from "Queer Eye", a nice enough guy with an impressive resume of political involvement, but you would be wrong. See, according to the site, Meet Rob Black, Rob Black is actually some deep-undercover ops guy who single-handedly brought oppression, war, and dictatorships to several third world countries. ...

Is Chronicle editor Phil Bronstein the new Jerry Seinfeld? Every year, he steps on the stage of the SF Opera in the Park, which the Chron generously helps produce. And people are semi-drunk on chardonnay, satiated on taboule and tomato-and-mozarella salads, they are baking in the sun: they are warmed up already. Yet every year, Phil's attempts to warm up the crowd even more end up in a train wreck. Here are this year's jokes......

We're inundated with the hottest variety of shows you could ever hope for. ...

Here's an update on a couple of stories we've been following. -After Gavin vetoed the "Healthy Saturdays" initiative, the Board of Supervisors voted to see if they could override Gavin's veto but couldn't. Once again, the vote came down to a 7-4 vote, not enough to override, with the Usual Suspects-- Alioto-Pier, Dufty, Elsbernd, and Ma-- voting no. The next steps are unclear at this point. McGoldrick says he's in negotiations with Gavin to come to some sort of resolution to the initiative but people are skeptical of Gavin's intentions. Maybe we'll have another ballot measure, but apparently this issue has been deemed too important to be left to us. BTW, we're a little confused about the fact that all the pro-bike people keep on saying Gavin vetoed the measure because he's the bitch of the rich. When did neighborhood activists and activists for the disabled and all the other people who came out against the measure suddenly become rich and powerful developers? Anyways, check out this hilarious interview with Gavin on the Bay Guardian's web site, an interview that takes place while Gavin and the reporter are riding bicycles to City Hall on Bike to Work Day. We imagine the reporter and Gavin puffing away, muttering curses at each other underneath their breath and trying desperately not to roll their eyes too much lest they accidentally crash into other bikers. ...