In case you haven't heard, tonight, at precisely 12:01, THE VERY FINAL HARRY POTTER BOOK WILL BE RELEASED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!! And by final, we mean final. The end. Finito. And with it, all the answers to all those pressing questions will be answered: will Harry die? Is Snape good or evil? Will Ron and Hermione finally get it on? And by the way, we just discovered Hermione is in Microsoft Word’s spell check. That’s crazy. ...

If you're a subway rider, you've probably already noticed that Muni's running on manual today. Their signaling system -- the one that run on OS/2 -- is, as always, experiencing problems. They're waving the trains through the tunnel by hand. And the delays aren't too awful -- as it turns out, having no system at all isn't all that much worse than using Alcatel's dreadful ATCS. But here's where we slap our foreheads: Muni's posting......

On Tuesday, the American -ists will be celebrating democracy and hitting the polls, letting politicians know what they really think. It just made us wonder: if it were up to the -ist-a-verse, what would we be voting for?...

Last week's winner, the SF Weekly: Tommy Craggs, like Tony Toni Tone, has done it again! This week, he uses the Microsoft Word auto-summarizer to read last week's interminable Sean Penn in Iran articles from the Chron! Could it be that Mr. Craggs heard our desperate cries for help? In other news, Matt Smith hates on Chris Daly's Rincon Hill deal, the Infiltrator pretends to Christian rock, and the cover article's about heavy metal Thor. Savage Love: you know, if you start a letter to Dan with "I'm straight, I'm smart, I'm funny, and I'm hot," you kind of get what you deserve. Next: the Metro! RIP, Bob Moog. The war on terror seemed a little overblown in Lodi. Spongebob Squarepants at Great America! Cover: San Jose gang war. And Secret Asian Man eats your hate up like love. The Guardian and the East Bay Express after the jump, plus the pick of the week! ...