Following Benu's ascension into the four-star sphere of Michael Bauer's gastronomic Paradiso, Pacific Venue's Quince also rose to heavenly heights over the weekend, joining the small list of four-star restaurants in the Bay Area as decided by SF Chronicle's revered food critic. And San Francisco is all abuzz! Well, not really; but inside-baseball foodie circles are, and that's good enough for us. We also live for the instances when Bauer thoughtfully champions or annihilates a place. And his updated review of Quince is nothing short of breathtaking.
And Michael Bauer Said Unto Quince, 'Rise Up'
Finally, Benu Enters Prestigious Four-Star Club
Benu, Corey Lee's "breathtaking" restaurant in the old Hawthorne Lane spot, is the eighth Bay Area joint to crack The Chronicle's solemn four-star ceiling. And rightfully so. Lee's place is, for lack of a better descriptive, rad. In fact, radical might be the best word to use because, as Michael Bauer points out, Lee "is not afraid to mix cultures, always with rousing success." He's also not afraid to use fish sperm. So there's that.
And Michael Bauer's Top 10 Restaurants Of 2011 Are...
Well, they're good. No, they're great. That's for certain. Tastiness abounded in 2011. But the selection, it seems, wasn't as nearly as difficult to choose from compared to 2010. Not that 2011 sucked, but... well, you know: A lot of shit opened in 2010, acclaimed and divine shit that made foodies take to Twitter and never shut up about it. That, in a gastronomic nutshell, was 2010.
Bauer Trounces W Hotel's Trace
The Chronicle's Michael Bauer used his Sunday column to throw some light shade at the W hotel's new dining experience, Trace. And what an experience it is. Taking over the old XYZ spot (the restaurant where Gavin Newsom used to dine privately, among other things), Trace opened this summer and jumped on the locavore food bandwagon with a resounding ker-plop. Take, for example, the restaurant's mission statement: "[T]houghtful culinary experience by fusing the vibrant, local personality of the Bay Area with our dedication to socially responsible food."
Citing Denise Hale, Bauer Says "Appearance Is Important" When Trying to Snag a Table
So much has been said, shouted, and ballyhooed about the 99%, so let's talk about the 1%, shall we? Specifically, the de-lovely Denise Hale. For those of you not in the know, Hale was featured in one of the most important pieces of journalism of our time. In addition to hanging out with homosexuals and working at her cattle ranch near Cloverdale--why not?--she's a national treasure encrusted in actual treasures. Furthermore, she has the unadulterated adoration of prominent food scribe Michael Bauer.
Bauer Has Your Dinner Itinerary
Hearing our solo whines as we rip open another Amy's Organics paired flatly with our Sutter Home companion, Michael Bauer's new series “Five Places to Dine This Week” takes the pressure off decisions.
Michael Bauer Defines a Neighborhood, Forgets His Favorite Fried Chicken
Over on his Inside Scoop side blog, the Chronicle's insatiable food critic is taking a deeper look at Nopa, one of his perennial favorites today. In the five years it has been open in the (ahem) North of Panhandle neighborhood, he says, the restaurant has, "channeled the spirit of the area more than any other existing business." We here at the SFist Western Branch office, a stone's throw from Nopa on Divisadero, won't argue about the restaurant's quality and welcoming neighborhood vibe, but we'd be remiss if we didn't point out the food critic neglected to disclose one important detail: His guilty fried chicken addiction.
Bauer De-stars La Terrasse
It's been quite some time since Chronicle food critic of note Michael Bauer yanked the star from a ho-hum restaurant. Updating his initial two-star review of the Presidio-based food joint La Terrasse, Bauer left displeased compared to his 2007 visit. He rips:
Who Poisoned Michael Bauer?
In a cruel twist of fate, the Chronicle's venerable food critic has been "felled by food poisoning." And right after he wrote about the many loopholes in California's food handling law, even.
SFist Digest: Restaurant Bars, Bauer on Hecho, Fifth Floor Goes Northeast
Today, we find goodies involving praise for restaurant bars, Top Chef quick-fire hoopla, Bauer's damnation of Hecho with faint praise (sorta), New Englad grub that sounds remarkable, and more.
Five Sexy Quotes from a Two-Star Restaurant Review
In the Sunday Paper this week, Michael Bauer brings back the ol' Mikey Two Stars routine and bestows two shiny ones of Sausalito's Bar Bocce. Because we'd hate to get between you, the reader, and your enjoyment of Bauer's dining experience at the "welcoming" and "casual" wine bar/restaurant/bocce court, we present five erotic quotes, mostly without commentary:
Bauer Adds 26 New Joints to Esteemed Top 100 Bay Area Restaurants List
Michael Bauer added 26 new Bay Area restaurants to the Top 100 Bay Area Restaurants list, which you should pick up on Sunday, April 3, when the guide hits newsstands. It's an annual treat. And now, featuring parenthetical snap judgements and incisive remarks by your SFist editor, the lucky 26 restaurants are as follows:
And Then There Were Seven: Bauer Downgrades Dining Room at the Ritz-Carlton
Proving that, regardless of accolades and fame, no noted chef is safe, Michael Bauer nixed the Dining Room at the Ritz-Carlton today from the esteemed four-star club. In fact, he downgraded it to 2.5 stars. Gulp. Bauer proclaims:
What Would You Name the Chronicle's Artisan Honey?
In an Inside Scoop post today, Chronicle food critic and man-of-impeccable-taste, Michael Bauer proves he's only in it for the honey. In a partnership with the Marin Bee Company and the paper's Home & Garden section, Bauer's Food & Wine team have selflessly adopted a few colonies of bees whose population is currently "in crisis" (something to do with the world ending in 2012, or maybe just a cold winter in Southern California). Let's hope they fare better than the sabotaged Hayes Valley bee farm.
Michael Bauer Picks Top 11 Restaurants Of 2010
Omnipotent SF Chronicle food critic Michael Bauer selected his favorite 11 places to slurp and burp in 2010. They are: Frances, Marlowe, Oenotri, Saison, Prospect, Ippuku, Bar Agricole, Benu, Commonwealth, Plum, and Michael Mina. Those of you left off of his list? Fret not! There were just too many from which to choose! An embarrassment of riches, really. Bauer called 2010 the best year in his 25 years of going from farm to table to toilet for a living. [Chronicle]
Michael Bauer Discovers the Tonga Room
In his side-item column on Inside Scoop this week, the Chronicle's princely food critic made a trip to everyone's favorite place to take their grandmother: the Fairmont Hotel's historic Tonga Room. It's worth a read if you can get past the fact that he calls the tourist-laden tiki bar "under the radar" even though it was nearly full on a weeknight. (Pro-tip: it doesn't hurt to check Yelp before your go, Mr. Bauer)
Bauer's Zero Star Update (for Food) Goes to... Morton's
We mentioned yesterday that Chronicle food critic Michael Bauer would update a review with zero stars for cuisine today. His target: Morton's Steakhouse on Union Square. Ahem: "When I finally did start on my main course, I realized I needed to offer a second apology to any food I've criticized in the past year; by comparison, everything I've had at other places was French Laundry quality. The steak was burned and acrid, and the lobster tail was mushy, as if it had been frozen and thawed multiple times." And it just gets better worse. Check out a rare zero star food review from Bauer. (Over on Yelp, we should point out, the steakhouse scored 3.5 stars.)
Bauer to Give Local Restaurant Zero Stars Tomorrow
You feel that chill? That harrowing sensation? That prickly breeze? It's the sparks emanating from the Bay Area food community's nerves being ripped to shreds. Tomorrow, according to Inside Scoop editor Paolo Lucchesi, make-or-break food critic Michael Bauer will update a local restaurant with zero (0) stars for food.
Michael Bauer Doles Out Rare Three Stars for Iron Chef's New Napa Effort
Renowned for his skills on "Iron Chef" in both the United States and Japan, Masaharu Morimoto's newest Napa restaurant, Morimoto Napa, received a rare three stars from Michael Bauer. A few of the highlights? "Exquisite sushi, tofu. Playful creations. Glamorous warehouse environment. Good sake and local wine list."
Funny, Because We're Michael Bauer's Long Lost Son
Food criticism czar Michael Bauer has had it with rapscallions tossing his name to and fro -- especially when they don't actually know him and/or have blood ties. (And you know who you are, crafty freebie demons.) Recently, Bauer spoke with Tyler Florence about several examples that went down at one of his spoons
Secret to Getting a Good Restaurant Seat? Invest.
Today, Lord Bauer gives us the lowdown on how to snag a seat at the "hottest" favorite restaurant. The secret? A mere $25,000. He says, "Generally, if you’re an investor (and from what I’m told a share often starts at $25,000) you’ll get priority reservations and access to a favorite table. Some will give investors yearly credits of several hundred dollars, and other will let an investor run a tab so there will be no check when it comes time to pay." Failing access to oil wells or a trustfund, dine with Tablehopper's Marica Gagliardi. She's everywhere you want to be at these joints. For reals.
Bauer Unshealths Annual 'Top 100 Bay Area Restaurants' Bible
This past weekend, SF Chronicle food scribe Michael Bauer released his annual 'Top 100 Bay Area Restaurants' guide. The usual suspects (RN47, Flour + Water, Frances, Barbacco) made the list during their first year out, while some notables from the 2009 list had to be cut. This morning, he writes about having to prunes some of his faves. Falling victim to Bauer's delete key from 2009 are: Aqua, Bistro Aix, Barber's Q in Napa, Buckeye Roadhouse in Mill Valley, Cortez, Fonda in Albany, Gitane, Jack Falstaff, Kokkari, Martini House in St. Helena, Marzano in Oakland, Matterhorn, Moss Room, Nick's Cove in Marshall, Nettie's Crab Shack, Sea Salt in Berkeley, Ton Kiang, Ubuntu in Napa.
Bay Area Restaurant Gets Ninth Four-Star Restaurant
His Holiness Michael Bauer bestowed an extra half star upon Christopher Kostow's Restaurant at Meadowood, making it the ninth Bay Area restaurant to earn four stars.
Michael Bauer Goes to the Bathroom
There are two ways to best judge a restaurant's quality: the soup and the bathroom. Both signify a venue's subtle, yet overall, attention detail. Visiting a new restaurant's bathroom is one of the most titillating moments of a meal for your editor. So, much to our delight, today 's Michael Bauer discusses restaurants' cans, giving top ratings to Gitane on Claude Lane. "The somewhat quirky interior, designed by Mr. Important Design, has a sexy aura that's also encapsulated in the bathroom. It feels like walking into an extension of the dining room, starting at the draped foyer," he gushes. Our favorite has to go to Orson. See, they have seven private bathrooms, all of them complete with low-lighting, black walls, and bowls of coffee grounds. Have a favorite? Let us know in the comments.
Michael Bauer Previews Pop-Up Restaurant Before Eating There
In his new column, Chron foodie Michael Bauer sounds more than titillated by the concept of Saison, a new restaurant from partners Joshua Skenes and Mark Bright that is set to begin service one night a week only with a set menu. From the sound of it, after a few sold out weeks they'll likely be serving three nights a week, but this does serve as another example of ingenuity in the face of economically uncertain times in the restaurant biz.
Bauer to Restaurants: Ban Parfumes
Although he brought this up over a year ago, SF Chronicle's Michael Bauer needs discuss it again. Because nothing has been done about it. What on earth are we talking about? Perfume stink in restaurants. Bauer hates it; in fact, he even has a strict no perfume policy in the Food & Wine department. As he explains, "To me it's almost worse than secondhand smoke. I've had clouds of stinky floral perfumes engulf me as I try to enjoy my meal. Not only does everything end up tasting like a truckload of gardenias, I leave with a headache." Which: true. (Though, we have to add, it's not nearly as bad as Castro trash who sport tank tops and/or flip flops at eateries, which are acts of hostile selfishness.)
Behold the Bauer
After making a TV appearance at some sort of Minnesota State Fair, Eater kicked off a search for famed SF Chronicle food critic Michael Bauer's elusive visage. (Oh God. Speaking of TV, did anybody catch the premier episode of Obsessed last night? Give it time; it has loads of potential. Because: remember the scene where, after arriving at the germophobic gay guy's jarringly immaculate Palm Springs home, the therapist whips out a tampon and says, "As luck would have it, I'm on my period," and then uses his pristine bathroom to insert a fresh Stayfree? Then, in a stroke that was nothing short of genius, she asks said obsessed gay guy to come look at her used tampon floating in his once -sterilized toilet? That's called TV magic, folks.) In record time, they found a photo of him frolicking at the Ferry Building in a mustard yellow top. Hungry for more, the fine people over at Eater are now requesting your help in finding other local food critics' faces. Help them out, won't you? (Update: Since most of you are new to the internet, or so it would seem, we've partially blocked out Bauer's face. In the meantime, here you go.)
Top 100: Bauer Giveth, Bauer Taketh Away
San Francisco Chronicle food scribe Michael Bauer came out with his annual Top 100 this weekend. California and American restaurants, as expected, weighed heavily on the list. A few new additions were Jack Falstaff, Nopalito, and the Nettie's Crab Shack. And those that got cut? Bar Crudo, Cafe Majestic, Cav, Poleng Lounge, Shanghai 1930 (noooo!), Slow Club, and Tartine Bakery, just to name a few. Any of your favorites not make the list?
Meet the Parents!
Everyone's had to do the dreaded parent intro dinner at one point or another and The Gate's Michael Bauer put up his list of suggestions of where to go. On Mike's list, we've got Cafe Majestic, Rubicon and Perbacco among others. Personally, we liked the suggestions of commenters more: Cassis, Zuni Cafe (pictured at left) and Rivoli for East Bay'ers.
Thomas Keller Still Kicks Alice Waters's Michelin Ass!
The bay area Michelin Guide 2008 is out, and there’s not much changed from last year: the French Laundry is the only place with 3 stars (the most) in the wider bay area. Aqua and Michael Mina are the only 2 stars in the city. Those Michelin guys are so stingy with stars, Chez Panisse’s Alice Waters still clutches her lonely one. Jean-Luc Naret, the director of the Michelin guide, was handing out press copie this morning at a brunch at Bloomingdale’s. He was ebullient. We asked him about last year belly dancers controversy, and he was like, but they were there, the inspector saw them! It was “a writing error,” he added, “not a rating error.” We do writing errors all the time too! We can totally relate.

