Rickie Lee Jones: Easy listening-ish jazz and pop/R&B songstress ("Chuck E.'s in Love") sings tonight at 8:30 p.m. at Cafe Du Nord; $30. SOLD OUTThe Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007): "An action western surrounding the private life and public exploits of America''s most notorious outlaw, Jesse James," starring pretty boys Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck, and the best actress in the entire stratosphere, Mary-Louise Parker. Screens at 8 p.m.......

-- hey willpower at Glitterbox: At this "funk punk thrash electro discotheque" (what, no show tunes? Bah), local pop/R&B/dance band performs. DJs Javier Natureboy and Junkyard spin funk, punk, and electro well into the morning hours. At least until 3 a.m., anyway. Starts at 9 p.m. at Cat Club, 1190 Folsom (at Eighth Street). -- Darrell Hammond: SNL comic comes to SF. He goes on at 8 p.m. and 10:15 p.m. at Cobb's Comedy......

-- The Cribs, Sean Na Na, and the Hugs: popscene presents a surprisingly not-so-greasy group of Britrockers, the Cribs, performing along with Sean Na Na and the Hugs. (Aw.) Show starts at 8 p.m. at Slim's, 333 11th St.; admission is $13. -- Improv Slam Music Jam: All-singing show presented by local improv troupe tries to delight you with their off-the-cuffness. Audience participation is rumored to happen, so you’ve been warned. Show starts at......

-- Using the garbage and junk-drawer debris from oh-my-God real-life celebrities (!), crafty artist Jason Mercier creates jaw-dropping portraits of A- through D-list notables, which range from Parker Posey to Heidi Fleiss. Celebrity Junk Drawer opens tonight starting at 9 p.m. at 111 Minna Galley (at Second St.); admission is free. -- Dance, get trashed, shove something up your nose in the bathroom, shove something up, um, somewhere elsewhere in the bathroom, have a......

Free to be.... you and Wednesday. Tonight: Cue poignant accordian music, read post in Gallic tones. The Alliance Française is screening L'Affaire Valérie, an award-winning documentary by François Caillat about the legend of a woman who killed a Canadian before disappearing into the Alps. This is the first part of a three-part French documentary series that the Alliance is putting on this spring. $6 ($3 for Alliance members), 7 p.m., 1345 Bush Street (at Larkin).......

Full Disclosure: Any last scraps of journalistic "integrity" regarding this show were swept away when we saw that our earlier interview with The Primitive Screwheads excerpted in the program for Re-Animator of the Dead: The Tale of Herbert West. Our first blurb! Look out, David Manning! Going to see a Primitive Screwheads show at the Off-Market Theater is always weird -- you wait in one room, are ushered into an elevator, and eventually enter......

Oh, how we adore the Primitive Screwheads. Our first experience with them was at the final (sob) performance of their most glorious Evil Dead: Live, in which the guerilla (to wit: they rehearse in whatever unoccupied classrooms they can find at a local college, their props all seem to come from Mythbusters:The Home Version, and we're not really clear on their adherence to copyright law) theatre company brilliantly deconstructed the classic Sam Raimi trilogy......

Have we ever mentioned how much we love the Primitive Screwhead? Our infatuation began when we attended their final performance of Evil Dead: Live, and we've been slavering to see what they'd do next. They'd mentioned something about a Re-Animator: Live, but, dude, we're part of the OnDemand generation and we want something NOW!...

This week's stage offerings: Three "Evil Dead" movies. One stage version. Two words: "so best."...