Previously on "America's Next Top Model," Marjorie delighted the Dutch locals with her charming lack of direction and poise. This week Marjorie tried to convince herself that she'd try to calm the hell down and not let her nerves get to her, although she was also under the impression that her nerves made her interesting. Challenge! Paulina tries to teach them how to sell things without words, like pretending that herring smells terrific, or toilet......

Previously on "America's Next Top Model" Marjorie's humpback look trumped Sheena's hooch. Ah, yes. The go-see episode! Since the models are in Amsterdam, they would, of course, have to go on their go-sees via boat, and they weren't speedboats. Marjorie was nervous, and lost, and most of the people she asked for help with directions totally ignored her, which, can you blame them? A hunchbacked bundle of nerves asks you in a foreign language to......

Previously on "Your Locals": Pure drivel. This week on "America's Next Top Model" this girls flew to AmsterDAAAAAAM, which is in Europe, which means Marjorie and Elina's patented brand of European moodiness would fit right in, right? Once in Amsterdam, the models had to find their new house on their own, in teams of two, "Amazing Race"-style. Marjorie's being European did her no favors as she didn't seem to realize America dollars don't do much......

Previously on "America's Next Top Model": Clip show. Feh. Omigod, the show begins with Elina talking about how she doesn't show emotion because she's from Europe, and unless you're from Europe, you just wouldn't understand. So this show has taught us that Europeans are a bunch of socially awkward misfits who are afraid to cry. Who knew? Of course, Marjorie totally understands, and when confronted by Samantha with the fact that, like, didn't they move......

"America's Next Top Model" was clip show last week, and we didn't really learn anything about Marjorie that we didn't already know, like how she's awkward. And French. And is in love with Analeigh. So let's move on to... "Survivor: Gabon." Previously, Sugar was sent to Exile Island and chilled in her Sugar walls. Once she returned post-Tribal Council, she was pleased to see Ace was in her new Fang--Carl LaFong--tribe. Chrystal, meanwhile, was sure......

Previously on "America's Next Top Model" Marjorie was awkward. Or French. Or both. Elina has a tattoo above her ladybits that says "A voice for those who can't speak." So, does her vagina speak for those who can't? And is it available for speaking engagements? The models walk in on Tyra in the middle of a photoshoot, which she stops long enough to talk about how great her poses are, and how her signature pose......

Previously on "America's Next Top Model" Marjorie posed as the Headless Horseman. So it should come as no surprise that she was all doom and gloom at the beginning of this week's episode, lamenting the fact that she has no "positive mantra," unlike her chipper housemates, including Analeigh. Marjorie acknowledged that she is a bundle of nerves, and it isn't helping in the competition. Challenge! Paulina taught the girls that during catalog shoots, it is......

Omigod, y'all! There's someone on "Survivor: Gabon" we actually kind of know...OK. We've never actually met her, but she starred in a student film a friend made at SFSU, so that almost counts, right? Her name is Jessica Kiper and the student film, written and directed by Alexandra Lacey, is called Weekend at the Casa Munras, and you can watch it at the Free Spirits Film site. Jessica, who is calling herself "Sugar" on the......

Previously on "America's Next Top Model" local girl Marjorie didn't do anything memorable. This week the models came home to find Tyra sitting in their living room wearing a tiara. She demanded everyone open their pretty pink princess bags, don their own tiaras, sit on the floor and eat pizza. It was a princess party! In which Tyra talked about herself. Of course. Her story: She started out doing high fashion but then sprouted boobs......

This week on "American's Next Top Model" local spaz Marjorie returned to the model den triumphant, with her winning photo splashed on the wall. But no time for basking! It's time for a lesson with bendable Benny, which required the models to pose in red tubes of fabric. "Unobviously." Post-lesson the girls played truth or dare in the hot tub. Marjorie was nowhere to be found. But there was some drama between Alaskan Hannah and......

With the fall TV season upon us, we were looking forward to a new batch of reality TV locals to make fun of cover. First up was "America's Next Top Model" contestant Marjorie, and she brought much to mock in the season premiere. But, alas, our boyfriend TiVo decided he'd had enough of that show, and erased it before we had a chance to re-watch it for a recap. But we can tell you this:......