You'll have to keep borrowing free wi-fi from cafes and the unsecured accounts of your neighbors for now -- Earthlink's backed out of the public-private free wifi deal with San Francisco because of its recent financial woes. Gavin Newsom says he's committed to finding another private company to set up the whole system, and blames the Board of Supervisors for the deal falling through because they wanted more information before approving the agreement; the Board......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 67. Total number of people pictured whom we recognize: 4 (including Molly Sims and her BFF Jennifer Siebel.) Minority count: 4 (5.8%). Getty v. Traina: 1-0 (counting Gavin's sister as a Getty) Number of countries visited by Denise Hale to celebrate her April birthday: 3 (India, Serbia, Italy). The age of children being compared to "a natural phenomenon where a river comes in and......

Number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 55. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 2 -- Charlotte Maillard Shultz and a way-too-skinny-looking Vanessa Getty. Minority count: 6 (10.9%). Getty v. Traina: 1-7. Big ups to C.Big for the comparison of the Steel-Traina family to the von Trapps! So long, farewell, auf wiedersein, good night. Number of hot dog hats pictured: 1, and it rocks. Days until the Barneys SF opens: 107......

SFist Rita is out of town for work, so we are donning our tiara and gown for this weeks Swells analysis. Tra-la-la! Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 57. Total number of people pictured whom we recognize/know: 23. This high number is because of the SF Library event with lots of writers, including Amy Tan, Vendela Vida, Dave Eggers, Stephen Elliot, Ben Fong-Torres, Michael Lewis, Kathi Kamen Goldmark, Sam Barry,......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 65. Total number of people pictured whom we recognize: 9 (including George Shultz, Dianne Feinstein's husband, and Spike Lee). Minority count: 6 (9.2%). Getty v. Traina: 2-2. Gavin holds down the fort for both points scored by Team Getty. Years between visits with Queen Elizabeth for Charlotte Maillard Shultz: 24. "She absolutely radiates like a queen," Ms. Maillard Shultz raves to Swells. Percentage of......

(A little late, because we're fixing our servers around here today.) Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 70. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 8 (including Charlotte Maillard Shultz, Stephan Jenkins, and a certain precious Bumblebee!) Minority count: 7 (10%). Getty v. Traina: 1-3, with Gettys represented by Swells stalwart Gavin Newsom. Bumblebee sightings: 2! Ms. Jennifer Siebel attended a benefit party/auction for Tipping Point, and will also be......

We're back from vacation! Number of heartfelt thank yous from us!: One! Thanks, SFist Mary, for covering for us last week! We're bummed we missed the Vanessa Prada turban, though. Number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 57. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 8 (including one awesome picture by C.Big of George Shultz with Naomi Campbell. It's probably too much to hope for that Naomi Campbell swatted the tiger tattoo......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 56. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 4 (including Ben Fong-Torres and Mark Fainaru-Wada). Minority count: 11 (19.6%, mostly jazz musicians). Hats, capes, tiaras: 6 (4 fezzes, as requested by the SF Jazz party), 0, 0. Getty v. Traina: 3-0. SFist staffer count!: 1! Whoooo SFist Mary! Stanlee Gatti count: 2 -- one in the text and one in the pictured (Gatti pictured......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 58. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 12. (There's a big party for the Legion of Honor's "Masterpieces of French Jewelry" show with all the Swells A names, along with Ross Mirkarimi and a bunch of Asian-Americans at a party for Norm Mineta.) Minority count: 24.1% (14). Getty v. Traina: 3-4 (not counting multiple mentions. Counting every mention, it's 11-8, with Dede and......

Hip, hip, HOORAY! Hip, hip, HOORAY! Catherine Bigelow, the Chron society columnist, is back from vacation, and here with a special report on Wednesday night's SF Ballet Opening Gala! Number of people pictured: 24. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 3 (the Shultzes and Jerry Yang, though we did also recognize Angelique Griepp's Oscar de la Renta dress from SFMike's blog). Minority count: 3 (12.5%). Getty v. Traina: Too bad Gavin's in Davos this......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 67. Number of people pictured whose names we recognize: 8 (Trainas, Gettys, and figures in local politics only, including on-the-way-out Steve Kawa). Minority count: 4 (6%). Hats, capes, tiaras: 0, 0, 0 (but Gavin's hair looks a little funny). Getty v. Traina: 6-12. It's Dede Wilsey's Christmas party, that's why!!! Dede had laryngitis but wore Chanel and had the best hors d'oeuvres in town......

We missed you last week, Swells! Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 59. Total number of people pictured whom we recognize: 8 (including Tracy Chapman, Dianne Feinstein, and... hey! Welcome back, Charlotte Maillard Shultz!) Minority count: 3 (5%). Getty v. Traina: 3-1. Al Wilsey is counted as a Traina. Hats, capes, tiaras: 0, 0, 0. Stanlee Gatti count: 2. The number of square feet that Dianne Feinstein says former Petaluma......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 54. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 8. We are now conceding that we probably don't "recognize" any of the Gettys or Trainas (except Gavin, who does not appear this week). Minority count: 10 (18.5%). Getty v. Traina: 7-10. Hats, capes, tiaras: 6, 0, 1. We've classified Cynthia Bowman's halo as a tiara. Stanlee Gatti count: 1. (in a forthcoming W Magazine spread.)......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 59. Total number of people pictured whom we recognize: 6, though we must confess that if it didn't say "former mayor" in front of Art Agnos's name, we probably wouldn't recognize it. Minority count: 2 (approximately 3%). Getty v. Traina: 2-3. Hats, capes, tiaras: 1, 0, 0. Ranking of this week's benefit parties, from most money raised to least: San Francisco Parks Trust ($275K),......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 73. Total number of people pictured whom we recognize: 11. Minority count: 11. Not the same 11 whom we recognized. (15.3%) Getty v. Traina: 6-1. Some Gettys went to two parties. Hats, capes, tiaras: 2, 1, 0. This doesn't count the mention of Brittanie Mountz in a newsboy cap, accompanying Gavin to Denise Hale's Ritz-Carlton party. Number of times Brittanie was caught drinking: 0.......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 51. Number of people pictured whose names we recognize: 2 (Susie Tompkins Buell and Mollie Stone). Minority count: 4 (approximately 8%). Getty v. Traina: 1-0 (Newsom scores for Team Getty). Hats, capes, tiaras: 2, 0, 0. Amount bid by Susie Tompkins Buell on behalf of the Golden Gate National Park Conservancy Trails benefit auction for dinner with caterer Paula LeDuc at Fort Point, causing......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 61. Number of people pictured whose names we recognize: 8 (including 2 mayors (Gavin twice) and Manolo Blahnik). Minority count: 6 (approx. 10%). Hats, capes, tiaras: 2, 0, 0. Getty v. Traina: 3-0 (all Newsoms). Gavin -- gelled vs. non-gelled: 1-1 (plus a non-gelled picture in Matier and Ross). Number of mohawks: 1. Number of trumpets: 1. Number of Wilkes Bashford stores in the......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 80. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 10 (including Charlotte Shultz, Gavin, Gavin's sister and brother in law, and Dixie Carter). Minority count: 14 (17.5%). The picture of the African-American family quartet with their father was a nice touch. Getty v. Traina: 6-1. Hats, capes, tiaras: 0, 4, 0. Rumored asking price for Gladyne K. Mitchell's 1927 Italianate palazzo, in which the Boys......

The media orgasmatron following Prince Charles and Duchess Camilla through their edge-free trip to San Francisco peed itself the other night as the royals on-deck chortled their way through that old chestnut, Beach Blanket Babylon. "Prince is Charming!" "Prince of a Guy!" "This Prince doesn't go by an unpronounceable symbol!" (okay, we made that last one up.) A whole coterie of hangers-on attended the soiree, including Duke Gavin and the fallen Lady Kimberly of Guilfoyle, smiling and bobbing slightly as the royals passed, but not holding hands. Gavin -- you must start seeing other people. Other attendees included former Secretary of State George Shultz (in his role as the husband of Charlotte Maillard Shultz, the Chief of SF protocol), Kamala Harris, the owner of the Giants, Willie Brown, and Danielle Steel. Mrs. Shultz also apparently made a cameo in the show, flying on a wire and dressed as Wonder Woman. Ah, of course. Prince Charles didn't seem to get most of the jokes, but apparently chuckled at a bit involving men dressed as poodles. And what would a visit to SF be without a protest? Giving it that special SF flavor, Medea Benjamin and Code Pink marched outside the theater, in pink wigs and chanting, "UK out of Iraq." Maybe the Prince would have paid more attention if they'd dressed as poodles instead. Picture by Chris Stewart of the Chron. That hat is so rad....