After all the hype and after all the expectations, we have to admit the steroid report was pretty much a yawner. We wanted names, damnit, lots and lots of names. Juicy names. Big names. Super Colossus Names. Instead we got Gregg Zaun. Bo-ring. The list was mainly a bunch of journeymen and never-were's from the 90's and who cares about them? Wasn't this whole thing about nailing the big boys? ...

...and by trouble, we don't mean the help. [rimshot] Leona Helmsley left $12 Million to her adorable pooch, Trouble (cute name). However, two of her four grandchildren get nada. Sounds like the Queen of Mean is still working her evil magic from her posh stained-glassed mausoleum. Nice. Sadly, this reminds us of Sean Wilsey's exquisitely penned memior, Oh the Glory of It All. For more info on Helmsley's will, go here.......

The Sunday Styles section of the Chronicle does it again! Not content to rest on its laurels after watching poor Jennifer Bumblebee Siebel decimate herself, Styles next turns its gimlet eye on two other prominent members of the Swells set: Denise Hale and the inimitable bicycle-intimidator Dede Wilsey. Sunday Styles RULES. Turns out Pat Montandon, mother of Sean Wilsey and ex-wife of Dede's late husband Al Wilsey, has decided to pen a book of her......

Last week's winner, the East Bay Express: A letter-writer urges the food critic to open his heart to the magic and love that is Cafe Gratitude. Typos in Ellen Corbett's mailers. Open relationships, without using the word "polyamory" ("I hate that word. It's so '70s.") Cover: going wireless in West Oakland (and other East Bay cities). Steak in Danville. New music guy on Neil Young, and Sick Of It All about the lead singer's......

Our New Yorker finally made the arduous trek from the Conde Nast building and across the high Sierra mountains to our little hinterlands mailbox, exhausted. We opened it up, and to our shock, it featured our little burg in an article! (Article is not online, of course). The piece is an excerpt from the book "Oh For The Glory Of It All," by Sean Wilsey, a McSweeney's editor. OFTGOIA is a tell-all memoir about Wilsey's mother, San Francisco social butterfly and society columnist Pat Montandon; his evil stepmother and A-lister Dede Wilsey; various shenanigans with his family and the Traina-Steeles'; and his own delinquency. San Francisco socialites are set to be scandalized, with Armistead Maupin saying, "there hasn't been a wicked stepmother like that since Cinderella." Yikes! But what's intriguing to us, firmly ensconced on the San Francisco Z-list -- is that Wilsey confirms that his mother, Ms. Montandon, is the basis for the character of Prue Giroux in Maupin's Tales of the City! No way! Like Prue, Montandon was a daffy society columnist who gets all new-agey, seems a little psychotic, and then goes on a number of vaguely dippy save-the-world crusades, with poor Sean in tow. Anyways, the articles are pretty entertaining (though not entirely in the good way), and worth a read. Though Sean -- geez, love your mom much? Paging Mr. Oedipus Rex, extension 333, paging Mr. Oedipus Rex. Picture of May Kay Place as Prue Giroux in the Showtime Tales of the City movie ...