A post shared by FUNNY VIDEOS AND PRANKS‼️ (@zashtv) on May 14, 2017 at 7:25pm PDT

One man's desperate bid for social media attention ended in three citations, after a man was intentionally taped to the side of a car that was then driven down 880.

The stunt appears to have been in the service of a two-post Instagram account called ZashTV. I say this mainly because the man taped to the vehicle frantically screamed "Zash tv! Zash TV!" throughout the exploit, and because that account's name was emblazoned on the tape used to secure the man to the car.

According to KRON 4, "the person who captured the video...said they drove around Oakland for 30 minutes with his friend taped to the car. When asked why they did it, he said it was because they were 'bored.'"

KRON reports that the demonstration came to an end when Oakland Police issued the aspiring Jackasses (my god, can you believe it's been 15 years since new episodes of that show were on the air?) three citations.

According to the caption on the Instagram video above, "OMG IF THIS DONT GO VIRAL ILL QUIT! IF IT DOES THEN ILL KEEP GOING" Do 3,122 views of the video (at publication time) constitute "viral"? If so, we can likely expect more from this band of brilliance. Good luck, gentlemen. Something tells me you'll need it.

Related: Video: Skateboarder's Totally Sick Hallidie Plaza Noseslide

Comedian Rob Schneider — for whom the Bay Area bears partial responsibility as he's a Pacifica native — had maybe better stick to the bad movies (Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, The Hot Chick) or even the harmless tweets about buying his beloved San Francisco 49ers. In fact, he he can even go ahead and buy the team for all that most folks care/think of current owner Jed York.

Fine. Good! Just maybe don't insult civil rights leaders like US Representative John Lewis on Martin Luther King Day by offering him a patronizing explanation of the Reverend Doctor and his legacy.

Below, the offending tweet, whose contents aren't completely disrespectful — see Donald Trump's attack on Lewis for that — but whose patronizing tone has the Twitterverse vaguely pissed and/or trying to remember who Rob Schneider is.

A quick refresher: John Lewis marched in 1965 from Selma to Montgomery with King, and can be seen below with King in an image from the March on Washington.

Anyway, here's Rob Schneider's contribution to racial justice in America:

Schneider, of course, will always have his negligible place in San Francisco history. In 1994, he bought the DNA Lounge along with his brother and another owner they later bought out. The two had a popular Friday night disco cover band, and then left the club in the state of utter disrepair in which current owner Jamie Zawinski found it.

Still, good luck with the 49ers, Rob — I think we'll have an easier time agreeing on your assessment of Jed York, even if you plan to run the team like you did DNA Lounge.

Related: SF Remembers Martin Luther King With Marches, Free Museum Admission, And More

The already tone-deaf San Francisco Police Officers' Association, a union that's repeatedly railed against any perception of anti-police sentiment, has caused some new controversy with a purportedly playful image that claims to look past racial divisions. This month's edition of the union's journal, a publication available in print and online mostly dedicated to friendly shop talk and inside-baseball updates, features the above ad referencing the Black Lives Matter movement on its back cover.

The ad, as ABC7 notes, comes from Esther Woods, a woman who identifies herself as a union supporter. Regardless of where her support lies, the image plainly reduces the differing racial and historical experiences of Americans to the color variance of two labrador retrievers while casually dismissing the safety concerns of African Americans as "rhetoric."

“I think that it’s clear that the POA continues to be tone-deaf around the real issues surrounding police accountability,” Oakland activist Alicia Garza, cited as a co-founding member of the Black Lives Matter movement, tells the Chronicle. “They characterize as rhetoric what is actually a really concerning problem of a lack of accountability, a lack of transparency and a lack of professionalism in that department.”

Last month, on a day dedicated to the memory of a black man killed by police officers in San Francisco's Bayview neighborhood, the SFPOA and others funded a $15,000 full-page advertisement in the Chronicle. Though it didn't explicitly criticize the day of remembrance for that man, Mario Woods, it clearly acted to divert attention from the Black Lives Matter movement and calls for justice and police accountability, instead pointing exclusively to the service of men and women in uniform. Critics compared the advertisement to a "Blue Lives Matter" response to a Black Lives Matter chant. “July 22, 2016, is a day to acknowledge San Francisco’s local heroes," the ad read. "It is a day to honor all of the brave men and women — as well as all public safety workers in California and this nation — who have made the ultimate sacrifice. On this day, pause and reflect on those selfless, dedicated individuals. It is they who are deserving of special civic remembrance.” SFPD is currently undergoing a Department of Justice investigation in the wake of Woods' death, though that will not directly investigate the circumstances of his shooting, instead focusing on police training and policy.

Related: Police Groups Pay $15K For Full Page Chronicle Ad Basically Opposing Mario Woods Day
Former Police Officers Association Head Freaks Out Over 'Mario Woods Day'

It is Friday the 13th. A man climbed atop this monument at Kearny and Market streets and took off his clothes pic.twitter.com/B1iBUYibQc

— Jonah Owen Lamb (@jonahowenlamb) May 13, 2016

A no doubt sober individual decided to climb to the top of Lotta's Fountain at Kearny and Market this morning and take off his clothes. It's unclear how long he stayed up there like that, but the SFFD quickly responded with a ladder and helped him down.

The Examiner's Jonah Owen Lamb snapped the photos above, and notes on Twitter that yes, it's Friday the 13th.

Unlike this shirtless guy two years ago who climbed the statue at Dolores and Market and refused to come down, it looks like the fool this morning was a bit more cooperative / less high.

Lotta's Fountain, as most of you probably know, is a landmark associated with the 1906 Earthquake, as it became a popular meeting spot for survivors in the days following. The annual commemoration of the quake on April 18 always begins here.

A possibly intoxicated/high/balls-tripping idiot decided to climb the pegasus statue at the end of Dolores Street yesterday, across from the Whole Foods, tried to ride it like a horse, and then got stuck up there for hours until the SFFD brought in ladders and a hostage negotiator to get him down. As Mission Local reports, the unidentified shirtless man was, by mid-afternoon Sunday, "tired, hungry, and cold," after climbing up on the thing at around 11 a.m.

A Redditor snapped the pic above and Mission Local went and took video of the incident, which shows the arrival of the firemen and the man's apparent trouble cooperating with them. He tries to climb down without their help, then realizes he might fall and hurt himself, then climbs back up, and all the while there are firemen and ladders ready to help on both sides of the statue — and he was clearly freaking out.

The statue, by the way, is one of several around town commemorating the Spanish-American War.

Chalk this up to somebody trying to keep San Francisco weird. Thank you, friend.

doloresstreet statue climbe from Mission Local on Vimeo.

[h/t: Hoodline]

Fox News resident blowhard Bill O'Reilly just filed a segment—a week late—about the S.F. LGBT Pride celebration that happened on June 29. In it, his glib conservative minion Jesse Watters wanders around making an ass of himself as he panders to The O'Reilly Factor's elderly, conservative fan base.

He talks to Gavin Newsom about gay marriage, he tells State Senator Mark Leno (à propos of nothing, and they misidentify him as an Assemblyman) that his pants are too tight, and he asks a couple of parade-happy twentysomethings if they think we should have a gay president. When they say give an enthusiastic "Yes!" he replies, complete with "whomp whomp" sound effect from The Price Is Right, "But then we can't procreate." I kid you not.

[Fox News]

A bumbling suspected criminal in San Jose didn't quite make the daring escape from authorities that he hoped last night after allegedly committing a felony hit-and-run. The 32-year-old suspect became the victim of his own carelessness as he ran across the roof of an Orchard Supply store and attempted to jump across to a higher roof of an adjacent building. He ended up sliding down into a one-foot-wide crevice between the two buildings, where he remained stuck and calling for help.

Rescue crews arrived to get him out of this predicament, and the man claimed that he had been fleeing from two dudes with knives when he became stuck. Police didn't really believe him, and it turns out he was a suspect in a hit-and-run not far away in which another driver was injured, and the culprit fled the scene.

He also gave a false name because, naturally, he was wanted on an outstanding warrant.

After being treated for some small injuries, he was released from the hospital into police custody and arrested on suspicion of felony hit-and-run.

[CBS 5]

Today in stupid criminal news: Some moron showed up at a pawn shop trying to sell two iMacs that were clearly labeled "Property of SF State." The computers were stolen during a recent break-in, and the pawn shop owner had the guy arrested.

A spokesperson for the school said the Humanities Building had been burgled over the weekend. The man arrested was not a student and does not appear to have any affiliation with the school.

We really thought criminals in these parts had more sense!

[Examiner]

A concerned citizen with absolutely no sense of the value of good marijuana spotted an attended bag on the sidewalk near a Richmond District bus stop early Wednesday. Upon inspection, he saw a tear in the bag, and identified the contents as pot. What did he do? High-five the nearest stranger and high-tail it back to his man cave? No, he immediately called police.

"Maybe he’s got kids that go to that bus stop every day,” a police spokesman speculated.

The "evidence" was taken to the SFPD's crime lab for "destruction." Wtvr.

[Examiner]

We were headed out to work this morning, and we saw the above Mesozoic-era monitor, right there in the middle of the sidewalk. A lazy person would have left it next to a building. A diligent litterer would have put it next to the curb. This person is apparently just a dick.

Reuters reports that PepsiCo Inc. will now actually inform consumers what they’re shelling out their health-conscious and ever-hydrated bucks for -- bottled tap water, or, according to PepsiCo, stuff from a "Public Water Source."

Now, this gets us thinking about gas prices and how much we bitch and moan about $3.31/gallon down at the Chevron station. We‘re Talking Barbie when it comes to math, and I know we’ve all thought about this analogy before, but per gallon, we’re paying twice as much for bottled water than we are for that politically-incorrect stuff that keeps us from having to ride nasty-old MUNI all over the place.

Gas prices are looking pretty good to us at this point, especially when you think about all those plastic bottles (most of which are NOT recycled).

Kudos to PepsiCo for finally calling out American consumers on just how moronic we really are. We hope the cosmetics companies follow suit and reveal what idiots we are for plunking down, in some cases, $20 for a tube of Vaseline.

By Deborah

Photo: Getty Images

Now, you know, one of the things we hate about all this Barry hullabaloo is that it allows other people to grab a big brush and paint us Giants fans in an unflattering light. It's one more thing added to the very long "only in San Francisco..." list, as in "only in San Francisco do they root for Barry" and it's not meant as a favorable thing. More like only in San Francisco are the fans as lame, dumb, and in denial to root for such a notorious cheating jackass. If we were real baseball fans, we would never root for him. In this week's Sports Illustrated, the "Barry's pissing all over the Church of Baseball" issue, SI's columnist Rich Reilly even calls us Giants' fans "Kool-Aid chuggers."

We resent being called Kool-Aid chuggers. It's not true. We're Giants fans and we have been at best ambivalent about this whole thing. No Kool-Aid chugging on our part. We also resent it because the reality is that if Barry played anywhere else for the past fourteen years, they'd be rooting him on too, whether it be in Kansas City, Los Angeles, or, yes, even New York. As they say, people root for the laundry.

Oh, and we hate Kool-Aid.

So, anyways, thanks Gavin. Thanks for making us look like bigger idiots than we already look like.

Picture of City Hall lit up in Red from Steve Rhodes Flickr stream.