If you've had your finger on the pulse of local, Craigslist-based anonymous ranting, you're well aware of the mystery-shrouded and sharp-tongued individual whose tirades against Google Glass wearers have captured the imagination and ire of many. From a July 31 post detailing the "fuckin' idiot bougie Asher-Roth-on-LP small dick nerd-toucher" wearing Glass at a Run the Jewels show to a breastfeeding mother caught sporting Glass at West of Pecos to a "a limp-faced eunuch" dining along with Glass at Delfina, no one wearing the face computer is safe from the harshly eloquent wrath of the person we'll call "Ollie."

We tracked down Ollie to talk over some issues raised by the posts. (Many of the sentiments expressed here echo Uptown Almanac as well.) Warning for easily jangled nerves: strong language and opinions ahead.

SFist: Are you the Craiglist Google Glass critic?

Ollie: Yes.

SFist: How many posts have you written about Google Glass?

Ollie: I think there are three currently online, or maybe some of them have expired. There have been more, but they were less angry. God willing, I’ll never have to write another one, but if I keep seeing these idiot Glassholes in public, I’ll keep writing them. Sooner or later someone else will join in. Hate will sew us together.

SFist: What's at the root of your obvious hatred of Google Glass?

Ollie: Two things. One, it's a fucking hyper-expensive toy for idiot children. There are many worthwhile potential applications of Google Glass as it's likely to exist in the future—surgery, fetish porn, monitoring law enforcement—but the incremental value for a regular consumer is nil. It’s just a stupid toy for people who have too much money and who apparently want to skyrocket to the “America’s Most Muggable” list. I mean, I saw that prick wearing Glass at the Run The Jewels show—and Run The Jewels is fucking rap group named after a slang term for robbing people. All of their songs are about crime. Jesus, dude. Awful tone detection. And did you hear about that guy who walked into a big-ass glass pane because he was watching YouTube on his Glass? This. This is the fucking doofus userbase of Google Glass. Fuck them. [Ed. note: Sources say this is an urban legend.]

Two—and maybe this sounds like hippy shit—it represents to me the most aggressive effort to remove people from having to actually experience the world around them. I think the term for it is “present absence”—where you’re physically in a location like the street or a train or whatever, but for whatever reason you’re not emotionally or mentally engaged in the world around you. It’s enjoyable and also upsetting.

I mean, think about Google nerds on the Google bus: do you really belong to a neighborhood if you have a free shuttle from your doorstep and you can order all your food from your iPad? Are you really in a place if you can turn on your Glass and don’t need to look or listen to anything around you? It’s brutally self-indulgent and broadly appealing. And that’s poisonous. You’re putting yourself into the isolation pod.

SFist: What is a nerd-toucher?

Ollie: It is a pejorative term. Its meaning should be self-evident. Please use it constantly.

SFist: Why have you taken to Craigslist to voice your displeasure about all this? What does that platform afford you? It's a pretty old-school approach.

Ollie: I don’t know if I’ve ever thought about any of that. It's a place you can write things. It is a medium designed for anonymity, public access, and hyper-temporality. It is low-commitment, non-self-aggrandizing, and lends itself well to writing shit while throwed. All of these things are good.

SFist: What do you think of the current tech/gentrification conversation that's going on in S.F. right now? Where are we headed with that?

Ollie: At Valencia and 15th there's a complex opening up that costs $2000/head. Two fucking thousand dollars a head. Kitty-corner away at Mission and 16th you've got the city capitol for stabcrimes. The rate of violent crime in the Mission has only increased over the past six years—I think that's how long SFPD has put crime reports online—and that's when rents have really started to take off.

I don't have an answer. I'm a smart person, kind of, but I understand I lack the context and foresight to offer an answer of any actionable value. In a certain meaning of the word, though, I am content to say "here is a tower where wealthy-ass boring motherfuckers eat $50 pizzas and here is a corner where folks get stabbed, and this optical contrast is fucked up." We should feel bad about this. There's a certain virulent strain of Aspiring Rich Person who treats this process as acceptable, or as some kind of necessary tradeoff for "development"—which has taken on a role in the vernacular as a widely misused bullshit-word for when you need to run coverage on some real heinous shit—and that's some borderline sociopathy.

SFist: What do you love and hate about this city?

Ollie: I love the important things. Dore Alley was a couple weeks ago. I was biking through the Mission and I saw a guy walking his kid on a leash. The guy's shirt said "WHORE FUCKER." Three blocks away I threw a thumbs-up at a guy casually stroking off in a crosswalk.

I love that I can walk around and run into Jello Biafra or Russell Quan in a bar. I love that I can go to the San Bruno mountains and walk through four different biospheres in an afternoon. I love that I can look up cool facts about ants and send photos of ants to the Academy of Sciences. I like taking drugs and biking through the park and listening to music. I like that I keep running into compassionate, intelligent weirdos.

I hate a lot of Bay Area things because I need a reason to keep drinking—self-described “entrepreneurs,” technolibertarians, pickup artists, pompous shitheel Dave Morin—but here are two of them:

I hate commodity fetishization. I don't mean that in the Marxist sense. I mean the process of deriving of pleasure from the purchase of commercial goods above and beyond the actual value or utility of the product.

I also hate a manifestation of one of the things that makes the Bay Area great: its willingness to accept failure. In sharp contrast to many other parts of the world, starting a thing and bombing doesn't preclude you from trying it again. That’s good, but taken to an extreme you see a particularly stupid thing happen: a little backward spin of logic which arrives at the conclusion that all companies, or groups, or ideas have merit simply because they exist. That’s why you have stupid bubble startups and “ideas men” and, fuck, that insipid worm-munching Draper University of Heroes bullshit sucked down with starry-eyed enthusiasm by people who purport the trappings of intelligence.

SFist: How do you think we can save our humanity or avoid the sort of dystopian scenario that you seem to be anticipating?

Ollie: Well, i don't think we'll get there; we're suffering from a massive continental drought and all of our toys require a fuckton of blood and resources. The American Ideal Way Of Being is incredibly unsustainable at larger volume.

SFist: Well that's reassuring.

Look for more Glass commentary over on Craiglist. For now, here's Ollie's latest (click to enlarge):

[DoVulcanTitsDefyLogic]
[Uptown Almanac]

We have a new favorite crazy cannon on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. And her name is London Breed. For whatever reason, Ms. Breed will only respond to a constituent with respect and insight via email; but on Twitter, do not come for her unless she sends for you. For Supervisor Breed is prone to such hashtagging as #suchahater, as well as spitting out gems like "you started it," "ohhhh I'm scared," and "if you pay my salary, I want a raise to listen to your bullshit."

Some of her constituents are understandably #butthurt over it. Uppercasing complied some of Breed's best tweets over the last week during a communique with @cynthia_says. Following is just a sample of the Twitter dramaz going on.

Check out more of the heated exchange. The District 5 supervisor has done this before, back in April when she went off on criticism railed against her.

Breed keeps is real, sure. She also keeps it untrustworthy. If Cynthia had said that same thing to Breed at a town meeting, would Breed respond that way from the podium? No, she would not. People who are all "fuck you!" online and then nice in person are typically not to be trusted. Something to keep in mind.

Update: In light of the Twitter drama, Breed promises to stay "boring" and "politically correct."

A quaint little media brouhaha has popped up down in the seaside hamlet of Carmel-by-the-Sea (not to be confused with other Carmels, which are not by the sea). After a prudish local resident spoke out to the city council, decrying a rooftop party sponsored by Justin Timberlake's tequila company and promoted with provocative photos of some promised female attendees, free local newspaper the Carmel Pine Cone reported the complaints with the regrettable page slug: "See SLUTS page 23A."

The Carmelian neighbor Carolyn Hardy emailed city administrators before the event took place last week with curmudgeonly fist-shaking, which was reprinted [pdf link] to hilarious effect by the Carmel Pine Cone:

“Risking accusations of being prudish, I really find this appalling for our village community. Is this the character we want for Carmel in trying to bring vitality to downtown?” [Hardy] asked. “I don’t think so. I think you need to steer this ship rather than allowing [party co-organizer] Rich Pepe to do it. He needs his chain yanked.” [...]

“You might mistake them for sluts and whores in their black thigh-high boots, little black dresses abundantly overflowing with chest and hiked up to their *bleep* which also reveal thigh tattoos,” she wrote. “Let’s see, the only thing missing so far from this Carmel event? The Johns.”

Ms. Hardy went on to chastise the one-time candidate for Mayor of Carmel by suggesting he sponsor a "hooker's night out wine walk" to attract the men who were in town for the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am golf tournament last weekend. Adding to the media mess, the local news went ahead and called out the Pine Cone for slapping the "sluts" label on their front page. In response, the PR firm responsible for the flyers — the also regrettably named Racey Promotions — is filing a lawsuit against the paper, claiming the Pine Cone used the image without their consent. Making matters worse, two of the models in the photo were only 17 and 18 years old (they apparently didn't attend the 21+ event) and Racey Promotions now says they are at risk of cyber bullying. In his newspaper's defense, publisher Paul Miller told the NY Daily News, "The fact that some girls are shown in skimpy clothing - well that is a product of the girls posing and the clothes they wore …. It has practically nothing to do with us."

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Monterey County, Bill Murray won everything with his awesome facial hair.

Though this may amuse a smattering of transplants who neither want this city to grow nor evolve into the world-class city it secretly is, a new global Monopoly board is coming and San Francisco is not a part of it. You see, people of the earth get to vote to see which of the 68 world cities will make the final 22 on the global board game. San Francisco, it seems, is not on the list. In fact, California gets a pithy single nomination (Los Angeles) while France receives a shocking two (Paris Lyon).

Naturally, we are sick to our stomach over this slight. With geographical locations whose existence we question, like "Buenos Aires, Argentina;" "Shanghai, China;" "Caracas, Venezuela;" and "Canada," we're both saddened and surprised not to find Baghdad by the Bay among the list. Hrumph, indeed.

Fear not, San Franciscans--or Oaklanders, Athertonians, or Orindaians, or whatever--there is a write-in wildcard category where you can vote up to 10 times per day for which city not in the nomination bunch will become one the properties on the board. The downside? You have to register. Alas. Anyway, you can vote here.

Gavin, this seems like your kind of issue, yes? Let's get on it, stallion.