Carlos Sousa Jr.'s autopsy report has just been released to the public. According to ABC 7's Dan Noyes, the San Francisco Medical Examiner’s Office's report details the massive (and pretty graphic) injures Sousa suffered from Tatiana the tiger on Christmas Day 2007 at the San Francisco Zoo after a tiger escaped from her grotto. The report confirms the cause of death: “Blunt force injuries of the head and neck (predatory cat bite(s)).” The evidence......

According to today's Examiner, Tatiana will not, in fact, be honored with a gravestone complete old Sicilian widows throwing themselves onto her coffin. Instead, her "body parts will be probed and preserved while the rest, including the tiger’s coat, have already been incinerated. It’s just what happens to all zoo animals after they die." ...

According to police reports Paul Dhaliwal admitted to "standing atop a railing of the big cat enclosure and yelling and waving at the animal that would later maul them," killing Carlos Sousa Jr. on Christmas Day at the SF Zoo. The trio, it seems, were also hopped up on mary jane and expensive vodka. Toxicology reports turned up numbers indicating that Paul was especially wasted during the attack. His blood alcohol level was 0.16......

Oh my God, you guys, no way. Get this: the New York Post was wrong. What's next: Intelligent Design? Celebrity weddings? Our meth-induced epiphanies that the CIA, in cahoots with the Norteños, are reading our emails and listening in on our phone calls? See, it seems that "[n]o slingshots have been found" and that the NY Post was wrong. And we refuse to believe anything Rupert Murdoch-related is less than perfect. Thankfully, according to......