-- Lavay Smith and Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers: Not only does this "Basie-esque" outfit perform lush jazz and blues tunes, but the chanteuse is pretty funny in between songs. Check them out tonight at 7 p.m. at the Top of the Mark, InterContinental Mark Hopkins Hotel, One Nob Hill, (999 California); $10. -- Joan Rivers Theatre Project: Though you're sure to hear even more about her pendulous, sagging breasts, her new project is......

South by Southwest! We never get to go. But if you're heading out to Austin, you're cordially invited to our sister -ists' after-party next Wednesday at the Red Bull House from midnight to 6 a.m., after Ghostland Observatory closes the Austinist+Gothamist+Alarm Magazine Day Party over at Red 7. (More info on the before-party is forthcoming from Austinist.) Austin and Gotham have a sweet lineup set: performances by Grand National, The Cloud Room, Forward Russia, and Gogol Bordello, along with Austin-locals Car Stereo and Learning Secrets. Plus, they're giving out gift bags (don't forget to report those to the IRS), and there's a super secret surprise. We can't tell you who it is -- our lips are sealed. So go and find out! Best part? It's free if you RSVP. But RSVP sooner rather than later; they're closing the list once they hit capacity. (We were warned that the list might already be closed for today, but they should be reopening it later, so keep hitting refresh.) ...