-- Lavay Smith and Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers: Not only does this "Basie-esque" outfit perform lush jazz and blues tunes, but the chanteuse is pretty funny in between songs. Check them out tonight at 7 p.m. at the Top of the Mark, InterContinental Mark Hopkins Hotel, One Nob Hill, (999 California); $10. -- Joan Rivers Theatre Project: Though you're sure to hear even more about her pendulous, sagging breasts, her new project is......