We do not -- are you listening carefully, Jennifer? -- believe that Gavin has left the most enchanting, pristine, and hopelessly 7x7-ish Siebel. (Believe us, you do not want to fuck with her when it comes to this, for lack of a better word, crap.) But let's throw this out for shits and giggles, shall we?

We receive a lot of whimsical emails here at SFist HQ. Take, for example, this one from an anonymous reader:

"Gavin's New Girlfriend ... do you know who she is yet?"

We're most certain that Newson is spooning her as we type this sentence. But if we had to guess who that new kind of girl was? Beth Spotswood, of course. Any suggestions?

Gavin wants your fat. According to Renewable Energy Access, yesterday our dear Mayor implemented a new program that will collect fats, oil, and grease from the city restaurants free of charge.Why? So that they can be to turn into biofuel to power city-owned vehicles. The program is called SFGreasecycle. Ew. But: awesome.

Said fat and oil, when poured down the drain, "solidifies into thick layers inside drainpipes and sewer pipes, constricting water flow the way cholesterol affects blood flow in arteries." Although we recommend finer establishments holding onto their duck and bacon fats, this is a brilliant idea. Period. And local restaurants can sign-up for free service right here. So...do it now. We said now!

Image credit: the City of Longmont / "[A] sewer manhole outside of a Longmont restaurant. The sewer line has been completely filled with grease." Have a good lunch break, folks!

Mayor Gavin Newsom had the gall -- the gall! -- to defend his Hawaiian sojourn , saying "I was gone Friday and Saturday...and one of the most remarkable things that’s happened in the last century is the ability to communicate with people in real time and engage in a dialogue and discussion and coordination and collaboration, without necessarily being physically in the same room." And you know what? Good for you, Mayor man.

No, really, this whole Gavin Goes to Hawaii mêlée...isn't. So what? He went to Hawaii after a big ol' election. What difference would have ideally occurred if he was physically present within the 7-by-7 mile confine of San Francisco last Friday and Saturday? Sure, even we freaked out about his absence, but looking back it was a knee-jerk reaction. Sort of in the way that you want your daddy after having a scary, scary nightmare, only to realize he's on a business trip--that's all it was.

And he's right: technology is available for him to be in two places at the same time. (Ah, the genius that is the telephone.) Whatever. Oil-spill devastation aside, no harm done on your part, Gav.

Too real, if you ask us. Election night will soon fall upon the city like a blanket of darkness. But that doesn't mean you should celebrate or grieve alone. Ripping off Inspired by SFBG's Election Night Parties, we present to you SFist's...election night parties. Ta-da.

-- Gavin Newsom's (Victory) Party:

Pros: at the Ferry Building, the thrill of victory, Gavin's form
Cons: at some point you will be snubbed by someone in the society registry, amuse-bouche overkill
Where/When: 8:30 p.m., Ferry Building

-- Mayoral Challenger Quintin Mecke Election Night Party:

Pros: there will be food and some sort of entertainment, Quintin's form
Cons: in the Lower Haight
Where/When: 8 p.m., the Peacock Lounge, 552 Haight Street,

-- Yes on A/No on H / San Francisco Bicycle Coalition Party:

Pros:getting drunk in the name of getting green, or something like that
Cons: possible collective eschewing of antiperspirants/deodorant use
When/where: 8:30 p.m., El Rio, 3158 Mission

When he's not busy keeping it real or putting in a couple of loads at the laundromat -- he looks like a Biz kind of guy, doesn't he? -- Gavin Newsom is out pandering to the boomers for their vote. (Something we assumed he had in the bag.) Behold, the psychedelic Gavin Newsom for Mayor poster. This one, which was for a re-election benefit held in the Haight-Ashbury this past week, was sent to Beth Spotswood, saved for her by one of her "fans," it seems.

Seeing as how it's re-election time, we wish that there were more creative(ish) posters like this plastered around the city. (Are we even allowed to perform said plastering anymore in our quality-of-life era?) Do you have one? Or four? If you have any Photoshopping skills whatsoever, you should. Send it out way, please.

"This is Gavin Newsom, what the hell do you want?" Newsom (might have) said when he answered yesterday's one millionth call to 311.

Since its launch in April, 311 helps SF residents bypass "over 2,300 telephone numbers that existed previously to access city services...[and] reduces calls to the City’s 911 center, where over 50% of calls received are for non-emergency services." (Really? Like, "Hi, I just called to chat, is all" or "I just saw Loni Anderson over on Chestnut!" kind of non-emergency calls? Because there should be an eleven-number just for those. That would be awesome.)

And what was the one millionth call concerning? A report of upturned newspaper racks at Geary and Kearny. Newsom told the man that he would make sure the problem was fixed right-quick, and to have a nice day. Us, we would have asked him if his arms were broken.

San Francisco's other and inferior eleven, 511, has no comment as of this time.

Rumors have been circulating, but we just got word that, yes, Mayor Gavin Newsom ended his partnership with actress and SFist's favorite commenter, Jennifer Siebel, a little over two weeks ago. Sob.

Why? We're not sure. Do we still believe in true love? Not at all. Do we secretly want Newsom to collaborate with Siebel's pal, Daphne Zuniga, thus the far-off chance of having a Melrose Place alum as SF's first lady? Oh God, yes.

Jennifer, we suggest a few body shots followed by an Ambien chaser to help get over the pain. Turn that frown upside down, kiddo.

SHOCKING UPDATE: FCJ reports that they're still an item, via a "BlackBerry message" from Jen. Hmm. We'll see. (Whatever, those two are done.)

Here we have le Gav looking lover-ly while kicking it with some tired Ethel Merman tranny (excuse me, fabulous "Ethel Merman impersonator") in Jesse McKinley's stellar New York Times article about our personality-littered mayoral race. (And while a very interesting piece, why Rita's or Jeremy's brilliant coverage and point of views aren't mentioned is beyond any and all logic. We're just saying is all. We digress.) Almost all of the usual and self-consciously zany suspects are in there: Kenny the Clown (Kenneth Kahn), Chicken John (who, for some reason, I will always confuse with Big Brother's Chicken George [which, by the way, is so good this season!]), and almost the rest of the wacy gaggle. Interestingly enough, there’s no mention of journalistic martyr Josh Wolf, which we found bizarre.

Basically, McKinley points out that no "major contender" is going for Newsom's jugular this time around (a la Matt Gonzalez) -- even spot-on Chris Daly admits this as a “very difficult campaign” -- and that, of course, Newsom will be our mayor for four more years. Probably.

But you knew that already.

(Photo credit: Erin Lubin/Bloomberg News)

OK. Hmm. We're not sure if politicians and public servants count as society folk, regardless of their top-drawer Getty connections. (We think once you're in office, we at SFist must then considered you the help, even if you can buy and sell us into sexual slavery.) Granted the image is old and last-year, but here's Gavin's tongue (which is fresh and tasty, we're sure), in case you’ve been kept up at nights wondering about its shape, size, and color. Lord knows we’ve often pondered this man’s appendages, and may She forgive us for doing so.

This made us sad. After all, if a rich, good looking, Mayor often referred to as the Future of the Democratic Party can't get a date, what hope do we have? We're just bloggers. We've never gone against the Federal Government and let Gay people marry. So in spirit of Gavin's new Project Connect, we decided to volunteer the best way bloggers can, by blogging something. Or at least we've decided to help Gavin and write up his very own profile. This way, all he has to do is cut and paste et viola, he too can be blown off on internet dating sites just like the rest of us. And most importantly, we need our Mayor to be happy-- a happy Mayor is a good Mayor.

After the jump, Gavin's Match.com profile