Wednesday will, to the best of its ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States! Tonight: We still miss our former Essefficist Shane and his promotion of all things March and Irish, so raise a flask of green beer in his honor at the Liberties tonight, where they're playing Irish Resistance Music to commemorate the 25th anniversary of the 1981 Irish Hunger Strike. What better way to commemorate hunger than a big plate of shepherd's pie? Part of the New College's Crossroads Irish-American Festival. Thursday: Oooh, pretty letterpress. Take the 3:00 p.m. tour of local printers Arion Press and watch them actually and not metaphorically set some Movable Type. $7, reservations required at (415) 561-2548 or through the Grabhorn Institute. and Friday: Venture with us across the bay and go planetarium style at Oakland's Chabot Center Dome Fest 2006. The festival shows off the Chabot Center's HDTV 70s-style dome theater, and will feature trippy digital movies filmed specifically for the space. Extra trippy points -- beer and pizza will be served! Oaktown does it right! ...

Wow, we're back. Thank you, kind readers of the 'fist, for your questions. Keep the questions coming, folks! We have a few in the pipeline, but we can always use more. Either e-mail us (replace the [AT] with the @ sign, of course), or, even better, leave it in the comments section. ...

Here we are, stepping blithely into Trimeth/Essefficist/SFist Tokes territory, to report that Supervisor Sean Elsbernd (no iPod) has announced that he's calling a moratorium on pot clubs in the city, because "right now, we have almost as many pot clubs in this town as we do Starbucks." Really???? Is that true? Are there really pot clubs on every single corner of an intersection like the Starbuckes downtown? Will the Starbuckses make the next logical move, which would be to buy out all the pot clubs too? Is there really that much freed-up commercial space in the city? Is this true, or is Mr. Elsbernd exaggerating to make a point? Okay, we've done some research on this. Results after the jump. ...

We would give your weekly Giants report, but we've noticed that ever since we've flailingly tried to replace the Essefficist in doing this, the Giants have been doing nothing but suck the big suck. We could mention that they're showing signs of life and playing better, but we're afraid of jinxing it by mentioning it. And since we all know that it's only going to end up with us drinking Jack Daniels at some watering hole and listening to Hank Williams, why start? Instead, we here at Your San Francisco Giants would like to draw everyone to a cause, one near and dear to SFist's hearts. A cause so righteous, so true, so full of Sweetness and Light that we have to rally the flag. And that's this-- Bring Back Crazy Crab. ...

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, answers questions about, well, nothing. Sorry....

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, answers questions about, well, nothing. Sorry....

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, answers a question about where to watch the new Star Wars movie....

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, answers a question about pet burial....

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, answers questions about simple math, bay windows, and the Transbay Terminal....

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, answers a question about long-term parking for travelers....

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, answers a question about what you can order online if you're really missing San Francisco....

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, answers questions about burrito-inspired tattoos and fog-inspired poetry. ....

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, answers questions about a St. Patrick's Day parade controversy and an Irish whiskey controversy....

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, utilizes no small amount of linking and cutting-and-pasting in order to explain how the new East Span of the Bay Bridge will tie into the existing tunnel through Yerba Buena Island....

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, pours sweet sweet Irish Coffee in your ear. Or lies....

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, digs for nuggets out on Treasure Island....

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, cracks a bad joke or two about eleven-year-old strumpets and checks into how to get racist cab drivers in trouble....

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, pokes around at the soft underbelly of heterosexual domestic parnerships....

San Francisco's favorite but least read Q&A columnist, the Essefficist, looks into the local culinary delight that is the It's-It....

Here at the Office of the SFist Ombudsman, we keep charge of our readers' trust. (Stop by and we'll show you the little newspaper-lined cage we've got it in.) Thus it falls to us, when circumstances warrant, to call bullshit on one of our site contributors. And so this past weekend, following the dissolution of the first-ever SFist (Almost)-All-Staff Throwdown, we cornered the Essefficist, who spent many weeks away from his post, only to......

Call off the search engine parties. Rumors about the Essefficist's demise have been greatly smelly but largely unsubstantiated. Despite all attempts made by the beleaguered staff here at the Essefficist offices, none of us has been able to log in to Movable Type for the past six weeks, except for that one time, due to one or more of the following things: a fourteen month whirlwind trip to Paris (where we stayed in Hotel Henri......

Surely your lonely life has been just a little bit more hollow the past couple of weeks, what with the holidays and the poor weather and the Essefficist not really writing at all. All of that is changing now though, dear reader. The lights have all come down from the tree, the precipitation is staying up in the sky, and the Essefficist is back in all its mottled glory to help you to plumb the......

We'd like to thank everyone who came out to say hey at our Bay Blotto Thursday. We can't really take credit for the b-boys rocking the floor -- credit for that goes to Sabrina, Derrick D and D-Sharp. We can take credit for the soulful happy hour jams, the handsome t-shirts and even better looking bloggers. Special thanks to Hans at Milk for having us, Future Primitive Sound for bringing the crowd, and Quannum......

The Essefficist apologizes for the unexcused absence last week, but we don't recall getting any threatening letters (or any lonely ones, for that matter), so we're over it already. If you are. So here we are, a day late this week, just in time for Hanukah, and we've got a couple of doozies for you. One about Hasidic Jews in San Francisco, one about pretty leaves tied to a chain-link fence. Mmmm... leaves. So, first......

When SFist hears that Beastie Boys song, we automatically think about checking out reserved books from the San Francisco Public Library. We wish there were a song that reminded us of our great local independent bookstores, if you can think of one, tell us about it in the comments! SFist Alex has been reading Lessons In Virtual Tour Photography by Chris Bachelder. Its a wonderful and bizarre e-book from McSweeney's about The Secret of All......

So many people to thank! If we forget you, rest assured that a warm, fuzzy thanks is in our hearts. First, we'd like to thank our contributors, without whom this site would be just another anonymous pet blog project, devoid of people in bunny suits and Chris Daly anecdotes. We'd like to thank Gothamist Jake and Gothamist Jen for wasting their ivy league educations on publishing and editing pointless rehashes of stories in the local......

I'm checkin' e-mails, I'm checkin' e-mails, hey hey! I'm checkin' e-mails, I'm checkin' e-mails, hey hey! Our question this week comes from Rita, a frequent contributor and fellow SFist staffer: Hey Essefficist, I have a new question for you. How come bikers can run red lights? And are they actually allowed on sidewalks? -Rita Funny you should ask, Rita. A good friend just showed up at the Essefficist's offices with a freshly minted $370 vehicle......

Welcome back to the wonderful world of the Essefficist, gentle reader. Our first question this week comes from our main man Sam in Concord: dear STRONG bad, you are extremely awesome but how are you going to be sooo awesome if you'rre dead? why not make a time capsule of stuff filled with stuff about you to be opened in at least X0 years . please answer this, sam concord california Um... Shim-Sham Sam... I......

It's come to this. We don't know if it's a failure of the imagination or simply a lack of inspiration, but we're just not getting enough questions to fuel the acerbic wit machine known as the Essefficist. In order to get you all used to pestering the poor man to answer your nagging questions, we are offering two pairs of free tickets to tomorrow's show at Bimbos 365, featuring The Gift of Gab with friends......

http://www.bingwalker.com/archives/san_francisco/index.html Cancun...