Attention criminals: as of this week, your swashbuckling days of villainy and misbegotten Muni rides have become easy and breezy. Muni has "decriminalized" citations, which means that you won't have to go to court to deal with them. Now, you can contest or pay them through the Customer Service Center at 11 South Van Ness, just like parking tickets. You can also deal with citations via phone, or mail; and allegedly you can pay......

It's a freaking typhoon out there, and Muni wants you to wait 30 minutes for a bus. And then when it comes, it comes in threes! Just like celebrity deaths! Another jorb well done, Muni.......

Remember that story our Muni Security Guy told us about that fracas between some security dudes and a bus driver? Well, you got comments and we got responses and we also got further updates which we'll post later. And remember, if you have any further questions you'd like to ask either our Security Guy or Bus driver, just drop us a line at jon@sfist.com ...

Sorry for the delay in getting SFist Tonight out. This afternoon was steeped in several fun-filled return trips to CompUSA, dealing with customer service. So much fun was had, folks, that we felt like putting our face through a window several times. Aaanyway, a few late-in-the-evening things to do at places where you can get as fucked-up as you want: -- Trannyshack's Pre-Folsom Street Fair Party: "Addicted to Porn": Famous SF midnight drag show,......

As always, our Security Guy responds to last week's questions to give everyone the low down on the security haps. Since there were so many questions last week, we'll give the first half today and the second half tomorrow...

We have good news, and good news, and we also have more good news: you SFist readers have generated more TextMarks. So there are now additional Muni stops at which you can get arrival predictions via text-message, yay! If you'd like to generate a prediction keyword for your favorite bus stop, check out our instructions here. The full list appears after the jump, and we invite all readers to participate in the success of this......

For the last few days, we've been having a productive email-chat with friend-of-SFist Blarfiejandro, and we just wanted to run a few ideas past you, the clever SFist reader. Whaddya think about this: Since Muni has been made reluctant, thanks to the union, to release any details from customers' complaints, let's start our own website where people can submit reports. The data from those reports would get forwarded along to Muni, but it would......

There's probably no shortage of folks who'll claim that this is yet another polite platitude. But check out this leaked Muni memo from Nat Ford: "we need to take steps to ensure that unacceptable conduct does not continue and that people are accountable for their actions and understand the consequences." Okay, okay, it's only a memo, not some kind of shift in the Muni zeitgeist. And yet ... Well-placed sources in Muni tell us......

At next TuesdayFriday's MTA meeting (March 20, 2pm, Room 400, City Hall), they'll be moving to pay off five claims. Most are unlitigated, so we can't look up the details; the other two are vehicle-property-damage cases that are pretty standard-issue, at least for Muni. One, Evelyn Bravos versus SF, involves a $3,000 fender-bender in the Richmond; the other, San Francisco Food Bank versus SF, involves a bus crash that did about $18,000 in damage.......

Question: A similiar question to fare evaders-- what are you told to do about crazy/angry people and what is the reality?...

Let's hear it for SFist Sarah L and her awesome weeklies wrapup from last week! Whoooo! And an extra-special thanks for compiling not only a weekly of the week but the weekly of the year as well. So let's get 2007 started right, with the weekly of the year, the Bay Guardian. Yes, we know, we usually start with the weekly of the week, but we wanted an excuse to run a picture of that......

Yikes -- that's not the kind of boost we wanted in our Jamba Juice! Our local healthy smoothie company recently discovered that one of its supplier's strawberries were possibly contaminated with the listeria bacteria. Only about 50 cases went out, and they all shipped to southern California, Arizona, and Nevada from November 25-Dec. 1 -- that's less than 3% of all the smoothies made in that region. (They go through over 1666 cases of strawberries......

There was a huge accident on eastbound I-80 today, near Pinole -- a five-car pileup. It originally started when a Civic spun out in the fast lane and was hit by a Camry. As the tow trucks came on the scene and were trying to get things under control when a Dodge truck rammed into one of the tow trucks and went airborne, falling back onto the highway where it was struck by a......

We are so sorry that the collective we of SFist missed this year's South Asian Film Festival by Third i -- due to an unfortunate confluence of reviewers being out of town, a baby shower, and people getting sick, none of us got a chance to see: a documentary about an Indian customer service call center, a movie about Asian Dub Foundation, a Bollywood feature, and the classic curry western Sholay. We're totally kicking......

SFist interviews Craig Newmark founder of craigslist...

With SFist Rita's report yesterday about Apple settling with Creative, Apple fanboys can console themselves with the news that Microsoft is also getting dinged for even more money in a patent infringment suit. Meanwhile, retail workers who downloaded the development version of Apple's new OS, Leopard, are getting canned left and right (scroll down). But BusinessWeek thinks good iPod news is on the way, while Wired News explores the back alleys of Chennai in search......

It's been awhile since we heard from Supervisor Gerardo Sandoval. Maybe he's decided to keep a low profile after his big Hannity & Colmes flame out? Well, who knows. Anyways, he's back and in rare form, having proposed legislation to the Board of Supervisors that in an effort to save American values that are currently threatened by an influx of Spanish speakers, we need to make English the official language of SF. And not just any ole English, Shakespearean English at that. ...

Well, now we feel guilty for taking BART to get to Oakland: the good drivers of the AC Transit won first place at the American Public Transportation Association "Bus Roadeo" event. AC Transit has won the roadeo six times in the last nine years. The event, considered the Super Bowl for bus drivers, tests customer service, auto mechanics, and driving skill (here's the handbook if you're interested; in .pdf) -- so drivers were tested on tight turns, narrow lanes, backing up and driving to the left, and professional appearance, while mechanics were given a variety of broken-down buses and busted diesel engines to inspect and fix. Meanwhile, customer service reps were given a variety of "scenarios" and evaluated for their creativity in handling them. This would be so excellent to watch on ESPN 2. ...

Wait 15 minutes, then drink two beers at once -- and join us for another installment of Dear Mr Ford, the column where we come to praise and bemoan Muni. Send said praise and moaning here! It wouldn't be Dear Mr Ford without an adventure with SFist Matt, would it? I must begrudgingly give Muni high marks for customer service today (even as I give it low marks for timeliness): I was on my......

By Means of a Fictional Entry on Digg And Its Ensuing Commentary Apple Fires Employee For Having a Sense of Humor submitted by *** 2 days 5 hours ago Apple once again shows how it "thinks different" by firing one of its customer service representatives for doing just that! An employee was fired by his humorless VP just for doing a hilarious stand-up routine at an Apple-sponsored talent show, where he was by far......

If there's one thing we love more than passing along days-old links to non-stories, it's laughing and pointing at people on the internets getting all riled up at perceived assaults on their freedom of expression. The story is from the Infinite Loop blog on Ars Technica, complete with dramatic clip art. The human rights violation in question concerns a Dutch MacBook Pro owner who'd posted a Flickr photoset with pictures of his melted MagSafe......

And we so love the Power of the Blog! Do you remember, back in December we were ranting about SBC and how it had taken away our DSL and refused to discuss the implications of this with us, or indeed give any valid reasons for us being able to access DSL one day, before being forced to make do with dial up the next? We remember that Dark December well, it was a low point......

We try our best here at SFist Answers, but we have two very real limitations: 1) If y'all don't ask us questions, we have nothing to answer; similarly, the more questions we get, the more we're able to cherry-pick the interesting ones. (That's our not-so-subtle appeal for some emails to sfistanswers@sbcglobal.net). 2) Some questions are pretty complicated and have some variable factors--it's often impossible to lead you to the end of the journey in......

THIS WEEK: Fools, border crossings, weed vs. your heart, bikes on BART, and an easy way for SFist Answers to make millions....