Danielle Steele, Vanessa & Bill Getty, Trevor & Alexis Traina, and Serge & Tatiana Sorokko are wealthier than you, punk. "A San Francisco family is looking for a personal assistant / household manager to join our team on a long term basis." Are you that someone? But wait, there's more: in addition to joining a family that refers to themselves as a "team," you--a "highly poised, polished, professional, and articulate" cad--will also conduct interviewing,......

We thought that this issue was neatly swept under the rug. What gives? Is the neighborhood patrol still kicking it in the Western Addition? Well, time to come home, fuzz. It looks like someone in the Marina/Cow Hollow vicinity was recently attacked, and SFist won't rest until San Francisco is a solid police state. According to Marcia Gagliardi over at the esteemed food site Tablehopper: I don't have many details about this, but I......

We’ll start with the token blue-collar business. Down toward the Laguna end of this block of Union, a red banner plastered on the home of plumbing/heating/appliance specialists A. Valente & Sons defiantly announces, We’re Here 100 Years – Get Used To It. One of its signature ramshackle red Ford pickups sits across the street, and the stubborn survival of such an unsophisticated enterprise along this, the Yankee Stadium of big-league boutiquery, gets us wondering: Will women’s fashion retailers BCBG Maxazria or Pavillion de Paris still be making sales here early in the 22nd century? Can Marc Jacobs handbags and Lennox heating systems forever co-exist on Union St.?...

Last week's winner, the San Jose Metro: Google Earth gets sound. Free spay/neuter for pit bulls in the South Bay (females over 6 months pay a little extra.). Cover article: Profile of an improv cartoonist. Crosswording favorite Etta James in performance. The Three Sisters in Mountain View. Russian food and deli in Campbell. And a vegan wedding! And next up, the Bay Guardian: Tim Redmond and the Guardian editorial board go in with both fists......

Photo of Union Street repaving...

If we ever host a World Series of San Francisco Pop Culture contest, we're totally asking the question "Who's Laurie Beijen?" Ms. Beijen is, of course, the well-connected bride who made Gavin Newsom move last year's Cow Hollow ski jump event because she had a wedding planned at Flood Mansion the day it was originally set (August 27, 2005). And we can't think of a nicer anniversary present to get Laurie Beijen than the news......

Well, we suppose you might need something to lift your flagging spirits in that circumstance -- three replacement workers hired by Sutter while the Cal Pacific workers remain on strike have just been fired after getting busted stealing Viagra from the hospital supply room. Speaking of union protests, so many firefighters, teachers, and nurses showed up to protest a fundraising dinner being thrown for the governor by a retired Dreyer's ice cream executive in Lafayette that Schwarzenegger didn't even show. Fifty protestors were expected but over 400 showed up for over 2 hours. Gosh, we hope the gov's baked Alaska didn't melt! ....and lawlessness. Lawlessness! Residents of Pac Heights and Cow Hollow resentfully hired security guards to protect their bazillion-dollar real estate investments from ski bum riffraff. They also complained that the valet service they were promised for their cars wasn't very good. "You changed my radio station!" Also -- is that MARIJUANA they smelled during the afternoon? Hooligans! Two skiiers also wiped out on the melting snow, requiring medical assistance, and a number of people suffered heat exhaustion as well....

The hydrants don't hook up to the hoses, there's fighting over Treasure Island, there's corruption in the Housing Authority -- and what are we all still talking about? This afternoon's Cow Hollow ski jump! The tempers are as hot as the ice is cool, with the homeowners agripe that the ski jump organizers still don't have enough insurance to cover any damage done to homes along the route, "some of which are worth over $10 million." (If your home is worth $10 million, can't you just tap into that equity line and pay for any damage done yourself?) There's also speculation that part of the reason why Mayor Gavin Newsom has been pushing the event so hard is that he might have some marshmallows of his own bobbing in this cup of hot cocoa, as it turns out his Plumpjack Group is a sponsor of the event and some friends of his came up with the idea in the first place. Protective Peter Ragone fires back, "I'm sure the mayor doesn't even know that PlumpJack is a sponsor." Though hey -- if you want to pick up some Moseley gear, they sell it at the Plumpjack Group's Balboa Cafe. Well, temperatures today are expected to be in the 80s, so we'll see if the snow holds up. Meanwhile, they're putting bales of hay along Green Street to try and keep skiers from flying off the ramp and into the blameless 22 Fillmore bus. Thanks to Bill Jennings for the awesome Flickr shots! Check out his pics of Jonny Moseley too! Let us know if you've got pics to share too!...

We missed the Arcade Fire show this weekend but: The Power's Out -- in the Heart of Man! (shicka shicka bell bell). Haven't we already heard this story? Yet another PG&E underground vault blew up this afternoon, injuring a passerby -- but this time in Berkeley, at Bancroft and Telegraph. A manhole cover was blown off by the blast, hitting a person driving by in his car. The airbags on the car deploying, injuring the driver. There was a small fire, which is now out, and about 2200 people were without power. And speaking of the Ralph Lauren explosion, PG&E confirmed today that the August 19th explosion was caused by a misaligned gasket that allowed water to leak into the vault and short out the transformer. PG&E didn't know if this was the same cause of today's Berkeley explosion but said they'd look into it. During all this, PG&E crews were also scrambling to get to yet another blackout in Cow Hollow this afternoon, after a car hit a power pole. How was that Arcade Fire show, anyways? Image from the Arcade Fire Neighborhood #3 (Power Out) video...

Gav really just cannot make up his mind! After first saying he'd think about moving the Jonny Moseley birthday party ski jump to an eager and enthusiastic Potrero Hill, he's now all like, oh, it's gotta be on Fillmore after all. "I can't imagine a more idyllic location to showcase San Francisco." Aw, come on, Gav! We know you used to rep District 2 so you've got a soft spot, but the neighborhood at the other end of the 22 line is even hillier, has just as pretty views of a bridge (okay, it's the blue one and not the red one, but still) and the city skyline, has better parking, and -- actually seems enthusiastic about hosting! Compare this to the griping 94115ers, all like, "will this block our sewer drain" and "I have been planning my wedding ever since I was a little girl and when I light my unity candle I don't want people to be shouting out 'whooooooo!' outside." (FYI: if you're thinking about crashing Ms. Beijan's wedding to her pollster fiance this Saturday, she's getting bouncers.) Plus, the bars in Potrero are so much better than the bars in Cow Hollow for Jonny Moseley's 30th birthday party celebrations. Mike at Potrero Hill SF is starting a letter-writing campaign to Gavvy-Gav to get him to reconsider -- sign on! Picture from the Red Bull street luge competition in Potrero....

Boy, have we got some bad Cow Hollow ideas for you! Have you guys been following the whole "turning Fillmore Street into a ski slope" thing? So Icer Event Management has decided to shave enough ice (12,000 cubic feet of it) on Aug 27 to turn Fillmore Street from Broadway to Green Street (and Vallejo from Steiner and Webster) into ski jumps. (A 14 foot lane will be left open for emergency vehicles and for people who live there to get home.) This is all for Jonny Mosely's 30th birthday, and to film footage for a video game. Hilarious! But wait -- it gets even better! Wait until you hear how everyone's reacting! There's a Hindu temple on that stretch of Fillmore -- and right outside their meditation room, the event planners are setting up the apres-ski lounge, sponsored by Otis. What's more: the monks don't drink. The Pac Heights neighborhood association isn't very happy either, especially because the weekend right after the skiing one, the Grand Prix is coming into town next. "People are incredibly disrespectful of private property at these events. It's a real intrusion. We view this in the same class as street fairs," fumes the neighborhood associate president. (Aw, come on, everyone loves a street fair!) They've tried protesting to (hottest supervisor") Michela Alioto-Pier, but she's told them there's nothing she can do, because the ski people have already gotten all the necessary permits. The ski people are slightly confused by the reaction. "We really, really do not want to upset the neighborhood," the organizer told the Chron. "This thing is going to be done well and in a first-class way." And -- here's our absolute favorite part -- "We want to show San Francisco as an exciting place to visit, as opposed to a place with a lot of homeless." What goes on up there North of Market??? ...

We know . . . that doesn't sound very "-purist," now does it? We must confess -- we weren't looking for coffee the day we bought these beans. In fact, we weren't even looking for chocolate, our second-favorite "bean-based" substance. We, in fact, were in Cow Hollow seeking the services of a uniquely gifted tailor, one who could show Rumpelstiltskin a thing or two. Imagine our surprise to stumble across CocoaBella Chocolates (2102 Union......