We'll do the partying and/or dying, so you don't have to. Homebound denizens of San Francisco, the Bay Area, and the world at large. Our editor, Brock, will be coming at you live from the Castro all night. We'll bring you live reportage of the costumes, "unsanctioned gaiety," Dachau-like police state, public urination, and/or absolutely nothing happening at all whatsoever. Stay tuned. 10:45 Update: That's it. We're done here, folks. If there's a shooting......

Notes to self for when we become famous: memorize the phrase "no comment." Utilize it frequently. Take the high road. Don't respond to critics in the media. Monsters & Critics brought our attention to the latest on the "brains vs. brawn" verbal tiff between Barry Bonds, who's just about to break one of baseballs most precious records, and Bob Costas, veteran sports journalist and smart cookie....

There's been ANOTHER shooting in broad daylight??? Police had to race to Market Street between 5th and 6th after a drive-by shooting this afternoon. You may know this area, as it's right by the cable car turnaround we send all the tourists to, right by the San Francisco Shopping Center, and right by the Powell Street BART and MUNI stop. (And the Forever 21, of course.) Oh, that's not going to make our visitors love......

We're baaaack from a brief food blog round up break. Cookie Crumb and Cranky at I'm Mad and I Eat are finally settling into their new abode. They smartly combined take out and home cooked food to make what looks like a tempting combo of pasilla peppers and cheese, guac, and jalapenos. Check out the spicy fun for yourself, in their pic at right.......

Thank you, SFist Jenna, for being a friend. Also -- erotica! Erotica Reading: Drop by the Good Vibes Polk St location from 7-8 for a tantalizing session with Dahlia Schweitzer, who will be reading from her novel, The Slightest Provocation, a historical romance, and Pam Rosenthal, reading from Seduce Me, a collection of stories about women who always get their way. Good Vibrations Polk is at 1620 Polk Street (x Sacto), SF. Golden Reunion:......

We gobble the various food sections up each Wednesday. Here are our favorite nibbles from today's offerings. SF Chronicle: Loca! Locals eat local, on a budget of about $10 a day. For one week. We are happy they used Rob & Debbie Morse as two of their experiment "subjects": her I'm Mad and I Eat blog is a hoot, and he is also a smart cookie. Get your fill of churros, those delectable deep fried......

In honor of SFist Jon's recent karaoke catastrophe caught on tape, we, the arbiters of good taste at SFist, present you with the Backstreet Plastic Bag Boys' brazilliant idea for what to do with all of your old plastic bags. The video starts off a little slow, and kind of uncomfortable, but we were seriously dying when we first saw this. YouTube commenter ChuckNO says it all: "The Guy In the Foot Locker bag is SEXY!" ...

In other commuter news, a new advertising campaign has been set up between Montgomery and the Embarcadero that features mini-movies. Not YouTube clips or movie previews (although it would be awesome if they showed that clip of the guy yelling, "this is Sparta! while kicking that other guy down the hole from 300 which totally rocked, btw), but something more along the lines of one of those flipbook type things. Whenever the train goes above 35 MPH, it'll look like something's moving. The movies are only playing on the East Bound lines. ...

We got this forwarded to us in e-mail recently and it's kind of funny. Who doesn't love busting on people from the East Bay. Mattel recently announced the release of the improved limited-edition Barbie dolls for the East Bay market: "Walnut Creek Barbie" This princess Barbie is sold only at the Broadway Plaza Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter......

We really dread to be doing this, again, but here it is, your recap of the reaction to Gavin's admission that he's seeking counseling for booze. Or, as the NY Post puts it, "S.F. Sex Mayor In Booze RX." You know, we used to joke with our fellow -ists about how exciting our Mayor is compared to their boring, dreary Mayors (Gothamist's biggest scandal concerning Bloomberg was that he has bad fashion sense) but we're kind of over it. ...

One day after Gavin's big My Bad moment, the big question is what does this all mean for him, the city, and his reelection bid. After all, as bad as this all sounds, politicians getting caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar falls into the realm of been there, done that.. Willie did it and nobody batted an eye. Guiliani did it and he's considered one of the big contenders for the Republican nomination. Gavin is still popular, the election isn't until November, and this is San Francisco and it's not like he's the only San Francisco politico who did something really stupid. But the one thing that seems to be sticking in everyone's craw, the one thing that could hurt more than anything else, is that he did this to one of his closest aides and friends. As somebody put it (we searched but couldn't find the link), this whole thing could be summed up by this eternal axiom: bros before hos. In other words, Gavin broke one of the cardinal rules of guydom....

Hello smellos. You may have noticed that commenting has been messy lately. But thanks to some intrepid bug-reporting readers, we think we may have narrowed down the problem. The solution is a bit tricky for now, so obviously it's not ideal. But we're working on making it easier for you. For now, if you're getting a "Server Configuration Error" when you try to post, it probably means that you need to delete your SFist and......

Local Comedian, Heather Gold of I Look Like An Egg, but I Identify As A Cookie fame will be at the Jewish Community Center of SF (3200 California St at Presidio) tonight with Outside In: hacking, pranking and prison-braking, an interactive talk show that's being compared to This American Life in real-time. Guests: Corporate hacker and hacking fan Bradley Horowitz (Creator of Yahoo Hack Day, VP of Product Strategy, acquirer of flickr, upcoming.org), undercover satirist......

SFist interviews Oliver Chin, author, and Immedium publisher...

We gobble the various food sections up each Wednesday. We feel especially in touch with our inner Cookie Monster after all that reading, and you'll see why. These are our favorite tidbits from today's offerings: SF Chronicle Amanda Gold recommends using seasonal spices in baked desserts, including cookies. We really want to try the dreamy looking and sounding lemon layer cake with cranberry lemon curd, ooh la la!. Gold is also all about the (vegetable)......

San Francisco's a lovely city, but it would be even nicer if someone did something about this damn Santa issue. Seriously, it's getting to be a real problem. We have no problem with legions of jolly old elves who want to swing that way in the privacy of their own homes, but when they insist on peddling their finger-aside-of-their-nose smut out in public -- where the children can see! -- tolerating them is just......

Busses of all sorts have us in a tizzy these days. Got Milk? With our MUNI wait? That seems so 1993 and wrong! When we think of the smells of baked cookies, we feel a combo of anticipation, hunger, happiness, and youthful delight. Of course, that's assuming the doughy, chocolatey smells come from a real kitchen (preferably our own) and are not competing with cigarette smoke, exhaust fumes, urine, barf, or rancid food....

We're back again! Only for today, though. Your fearless editor SFist Jon returns later this morning. --Brr. It's cold in here. There must be some Toros in the atmosphere. --Federal judge stops the new owner of the Mercury News from working with the Chron to consolidate local media coverage. --Yahoo defeats Google. --Ed Jew gets sworn in as the District 4 supervisor next week -- Fiona Ma stepped down early. --Is this for real?? They're......

We admit that we're not as diligent about our food consumption as we should be. Being raised as good Catholics, this causes us a judicious amount of guilt. (Which is different than merely feeling bad about eating bad food--after all, Jack in the Box has its own special way of punishing you. . .) We spent this weekend on a trade show floor in Las Vegas, eating candy from the booths and dinner at......

These shows resist lumping....

When we first start trying to whittle down the hundreds of posts into some kind of order to include in this round-up, we just wade in and start reading. This leads to such great posts as badthings read-able quote about pineapple and mayonnaise. (Which also reminds us of our ill-fated guacamole and oreo cookie experiment.) It also lets us get schooled on steel hardness for knives and sharpeners, drool over bananas and coconut milk......

Cal is all over the blotter these days -- this time over a co-op, where 13 fun-loving residents had to go to the hospital after someone put something a little bit too funny in the space brownies. Two students and one recent grad have been arrested, and the cops are doing an analysis of the brownies (and cookie dough) in question. A house manager at the coop said, "We do not officially condone any of......

Hey you kids: get off Wednesday's lawn! Tonight: Nothing says fun like a documentary about a bipolar girl trying to deal with life after her failed suicide attempt! The Film Arts Foundation is screening Learning to Swallow as part of their True Stories: Sneak Previews of New Documentaries series. 7:30 p.m. at the Yerba Buena Center Screening Room, $8. Thursday: The Surround>Sound series wraps up its San Francisco aural experience at the Luggage Store Gallery......

This has been a rough week for your -ist pals, though you wouldn't know it from the great posts all over the network. Plagued with server problems, our tech team (led by the great Neil Epstein) toiled around the clock to solve the glitches as they arose. Seriously, we've said, typed, and thought the phrase "server problems" more in the past week than we have for the last 35 years combined. Why not say it......

Welcome to the continuation of the cookie series - series length will be dictated by number of cookies we can scarf without getting wedged in the Muni door while trying to board. Part two is devoted to the Ferry Building, that prime stop for exotic mushrooms, hungry tourists, fancy olive oils - and cookies. By contributing SFist Amber Adrian......

We're so pleased with ourselves for coming up with this other Us-Weekly-style tagline for Kimberly Guilfoyle's bump-belly watch! Baby splashdown date around September. Ladies (and gents), if you want to land Baby Boy Guilfoyle-Villency, better get started now -- SFist Rain's got week 2 of your How To Get The Guy tips. But don't get too excited to plan that bachelor/ette party just yet -- there is now no sex in the city's champagne rooms.......

When looking for expertise on cookies, we turn to Amber Adrian, aka the Moose in the Kitchen, who has extensive experience making and eating them. So much we asked her to shed some light for us on the hot cookie scene in San Francisco. This is part one of a multi-part series, part II a week from today. Cookies are humankind's single greatest creation. Brain surgery, motorized vehicles, the world wide web - all are......

In doing a little due diligence before writing this review, we turned up an entry on the Hyphen blog noting that reviewers are not supposed to reveal any of the plot to this movie until it goes into wider release. So we'll abide by that (even though the movie is based on a play, and the adapted movie script is available online....). So here's the setup of the movie: five freshly post-collegiate Asian-American roommates are......

Okay, folks, it's your last chance to enter -- final call for entries in the Fake Tales of San Francisco Contest! Win a JT LeRoy DECEITFUL tank top and undies, and possibly movie passes to the premiere of "The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things" (if we get that arranged) with your fakest San Francisco story -- email it to us, or leave it in the comments below. Whether you've got a story about a clean and sober rave attendee living with hipsters in the Marina, or a mayor dating a Scientologist (no way!), send it on in and we'll announce the winner tomorrow. We've got some great entries already, but yours could still win! And speaking of mayors dating Scientologists.... don't forget to help us crown another winner, in the Name That Couple! contest. Pick your favorite Gavin Newsom/Sofia Milos couple name from the ones listed below. Don't worry if you've already voted -- we've disabled the cookie feature so you can vote as many times as you like! The winner of that contest is getting some SFist swag of our choice. We'll announce the official winner of that tomorrow too! (Though the exit polling is superb on the link below).

Food blogs are the new ipods: everyone who's anyone has got to have one, so SFist has decided to help you out and cherry pick this week's choicest offerings.

Which means we have no time for Elise's Simply Recipes write-up of Liver and Onions, it simply won't get mentioned. No matter how good she may make it sound, liver and onions just weren't meant to be eaten. We can fully stand behind her simple how to cook and eat an artichoke post, however, especially as they're just coming into season.

Shuna at Eggbeater, fresh from a month on the farm and a move across the bay to Berkeley, is finally unpacking and showing off her Wedgewood stove.

The ever-helpful Catherine Nash over at Foodmusings has put out an SOS for a good Black Velvet recipe for her cupcake obsessed readers, which means that not everyone just goes to Love at First Bite in Berkeley for their mouthful of bliss fix. She's soliciting readers' fave recipes in her comments, but be sure and not give grandma's recipe away entirely.

And the award for best lemonade out of lemons goes to Cookie Crumb up in Marin, who was trying to get a little kelp but settled for making her own sea salt. Any scientists out there who think this is actually safe after the boiling?

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