MUSIC: As we already mentioned, Why? is performing this evening along with Dose One, Cryptacize, DJ Odd Nosdam, DJ Jel. 8 p.m. // Great American Music Hall [859 O'Farrell] // $13 *THEATER: Eve Ensler's Obie Award-winning play the Vagina Monologues -- featuring such monologues as I Was Twelve, My Mother Slapped Me, My Angry Vagina, My Vagina Was My Village, The Little Coochie Snorcher, and more -- takes the stage in the Castro for......

Here's todays sports news...

-- Have you seen this man? (Also, we think that we have that same shirt in our closet. Yipes!) [Chron] -- Meet Jose Alfredo and Olga Contreras, parents teetering on the brink of homelessness while trying to make a life in SF. [Examiner] -- More on Lights Out. [The Snitch] -- "Animal Rites" for your perusal. [SFBG] -- At last....mansion Deco Duel! (We want the one on the right.) [Curbed SF] -- Google all......

Sure, local funny-guy comedy troupe busts out great live shows, but they're also getting a well-deserved reputation for their video-produced comic stylings. Check out Alex Aschinger, Bob Brindley, Chris Yule, Jay Starr, Justin Lamb, and Sammy Wegent (each as screwable as the next) tomorrow night at 9 p.m. at The Purple Onion, 140 Columbus; $10.......

-- Magic Bullets: Along with Bonde do Role and JuiceBoxxx, this local outfit (heavy on the bass lines, rhythmic keyboards, and melancholic vocals) performs tonight at 9 p.m. at The Independent, 628 Divisadero; $13. -- Queen Christina (1933): Young Swedish queen ends up kissing another dame as well as a dashing John Gilbert. Greta Garbo stars in this classic starting at 9 p.m. at the Pacific Film Archive Theater, 2575 Bancroft Way. -- Downy......

-- Lez Zeppelin and Dolorata: Lesbian-y Led Zepplin cover band and indie-rock band perform in SOMA. Doors open at 8 p.m. at Slim's, 333 - 11th Street (at Folsom); $18. -- Jeff Garlin: Jeff from Curb Your Enthusiasm! We heart you ever so! And your total bitch of a wife! (On the show, that is.) He does stand-up tonight along with Rick Overton and Marc Herson at 8 p.m. at Cobb's Comedy Club, 915......

-- The Arcade Fire: LCD Soundsystem and Wild Light open for this white-hot -- that's right, white-hot, or so we hear -- Canadian indie-rock band. Music starts tonight at 7 p.m. at Shoreline Amphitheatre, 1 Amphitheatre Pkwy, Mountain View; $19-40. -- High School Musical: You know what? We watched this on Disney and it sucked us in. Sad, yes. Absorbing, for sure. Ray of Light Theatre and School of the Arts (SOTA) put on......

-- Evil Dead 2 (1987): Sam Raimi's exquisite sequel to the equally-exquisite Evil Dead, minus any tree-rape. Screens at 7:15p.m., 9:15 at The Red Vic, 1727 Haight (at Cole). -- Opium's Literary Death Match: The last Opium's Literary Death Match got ugly, in a good way. (Read about it here.) Judges Anika Streitfeld (Random House), Jesse McKinley (New York Times), and Eric Spitnagel (Fast Forwards) have literary series Writers With Drinks (Carol Queen), Porchlight......

-- Jonathan Coulton: "Code Monkey" has gained a heavy, cult-of-nerd following. Yay! Join the club tonight at 9 p.m. at Great American Music Hall, 859 O'Farrell; $18. -- The Legend of Billie Jean (1985): And with the power of conviction? There is no sacrifice. The situation? It's a do or die. No one knew that better than Billie Jean Davy. Screens at midnight at the Castro Theatre, Castro and Market Streets; $10. -- Craig......

-- "Endless Strummer": It seems like at any moment in San Francisco, a Joe Strummer tribute is taking place. Ok look! Here's one now, featuring Clash City Rockers, La Plebe, David J, Odd Numbers, the Hooks, Harrington Saints, the Shakespearos, and the Ferocious Few covering his oeuvre. Starts at 9 p.m. at Bottom of the Hill, 1233 - 17th St., all-ages show; $10. -- Jay Mohr: The man who plays a most excellent asshole......

-- Macy Gray: Crazy-ass and beautifully baby-voiced chanteuse sings tonight. The Brand New Heavies open. Music starts at 9 p.m. at the Fillmore; $50. -- "Overlap '07": Blasthaus and the titular Overlap present DJs Mark Templeton, Roddy Schrock (videos by Jano Cortjio), Ruoho Ruotsi, and Pand0ra, who will take care of all of your dance floor needs. Doors open at 10 p.m. at Rx Gallery, 132 Eddy; $5. -- D.L. Hughley: One of the......

-- hey willpower at Glitterbox: At this "funk punk thrash electro discotheque" (what, no show tunes? Bah), local pop/R&B/dance band performs. DJs Javier Natureboy and Junkyard spin funk, punk, and electro well into the morning hours. At least until 3 a.m., anyway. Starts at 9 p.m. at Cat Club, 1190 Folsom (at Eighth Street). -- Darrell Hammond: SNL comic comes to SF. He goes on at 8 p.m. and 10:15 p.m. at Cobb's Comedy......

-- Clueless and Mean Girls: Jane Austin's Emma interpreted via a mid-'90s Beverly Hills screens first, starring Paul Rudd (Eee!) and a pre-PETA Alicia Silverstone. Tina Fey's ode to high school bitches follows, starring a pre-coked out Lindsey Lohan. Starts at 7:30 p.m. at the Bridge Theater, 3010 Geary (at Blake); $7. --- Burn My Eyes 2 -- Rock Poster Exhibition: Artist from all over the Bay Area feature their poster art. Musicians Scott......

-- KrOB'S Film Farm -- Faust (1994): Jan Švankmajer's version of Faust, using Goethe's and Christopher Marlowe's tales as well as heaps of surrealism, screens tonight at 8 p.m. at Chez Poulet, Cesar Chavez (Army) and Mission Streets; free. -- Minnie Driver: Why should you see her? Well, she has an Oscar nomination under her belt. Granted, it's for the XY-heavy emo-porn shitfest Good Will Hunting -- but Driver's got an Oscar nomination nonetheless.......

-- Goodbye Yellow Brick Road: A typical night at the cabaret this is not. The last time we saw Connie Champagne perform (during her stint at the Plush Room), tweakers were passing out in the audience, drunks wept into their vodka rocks, and Connie busted out a dead-on tribute as Judy Garland. Performing Garland's classics (like "San Francisco") as well as songs she might have crooned ("Bohemian Rhapsody" and "A Case of You"), Champagne......

-- Fil Lorenz & the Collective West Jazz Orchestra: Check out this choice 12-piece jazz band tonight at 8 p.m. & 10 p.m. at Jazz at Pearl's, 256 Columbus; $10-$15. -- Tomo, Caribbean, Change!: Experimental indie pop and plinky sounds abound  tonight at 9:30 p.m. at Hemlock Tavern, 1131 Polk; $5. --  The S.F. International Festival of Short Films: For people like us who suffer from drug-company-created disorder ADHD, this film festival, featuring 60+ short films,......

-- Dreamgirls: Jennifer Hudson's performance as Effie White won her an Academy Award, and her end of Act I nervous breakdown ("And I Am Telling You") blew audiences to the back wall of the theatre. . She is the reason to see this movie. It also features Anika Noni Rose, a former A.C.T. student. Check out this musical loosely based on the rise of the Supremes tonight at 7 p.m. at the Castro Theatre,......

-- Rykarda Parasol: Dreamy rock crooner (and fellow beverage taste-tester) performs tonight along with the Dilettantes and Brad Brooks. Show starts at 9 p.m. at Cafe Du Nord, 2174 Market; $10. -- Porchlight: A Storytelling Series' Five-Year Anniversary: Hostesses and superb comedians Beth Lisick and Arline Klatte celebrate their spoken-word comedy showcase's fifth birthday with stories from Kelly Beardsley, Lisa Margonelli, Hemlock Tavern's Anthony Bedard, journalist Sylvie Simmons, Hai Ning Luan, and Matt Gonzalez.......

-- Marcus Shelby Trio and Faye Carol (and those nails!): Popular, local jazz and blues greats perform two sets together at 8 p.m. and 10 p.m at Jazz at Pearl's, 256 Columbus; $10-$15. -- "The Clap!": Whoa Nellies' Leigh Crowe and Peter Fogel perform at 11 p.m. tonight at this disco rarities club featuring Gary Fembot, Der Blaue Reiter, and Slings spinning vogueing classics, new wave hits, '60s soul, and new electronic. Music starts......

-- Greg Behrendt: SF-native, author of He's Just Not That into You (comfortingly known to many a confused single gal as a symptom of Peter-Pan Syndrome), and comedian takes a break from his talk show to make you snicker/slap your knee. The sheer hilarity starts at 8 p.m. at Cobb’s Comedy Club, 915 Columbus; tickets are $25. -- Blur, "Transgender & Gender Variant" Support Group: Pretty much what it says right there; a good place......

--Audacia Ray, the editor of the sex worker zine $pread and a Fleshbot [nsfw] contributor, talks at Modern Times about the commodification of sex on the Internet. 7:30 p.m., 888 Valencia (x 20th) --Kearny Street Workshop, Intersection for the Arts, and Galeria de la Raza are throwing a reading and book release party for their 2007 Intergenerational Writers Lab collection, at Capp180 (180 Capp Street 3rd Fl., x 16th and Mission). $5-15 sliding, 7 p.m.......

Who ya got? The cowboy or the samurai? That's the question posed by the Asian-American Theater Company's Cowboy v. Samurai, a story about two Asian-American cowboys in Montana who fall in love with the same Korean-American new girl in town. Our Gothamist cousins liked it when it played in New York. 2 p.m. at the Thick House (1695 18th Street, x Arkansas), $20. Other events: --The workers united -- have a whole month to celebrate!......

--Picture of a woman collecting bottles from people in the iPhone line by reader zombie. Thanks for sending them in, zombie! [ZombieTime.] --Four murders in San Francisco this weekend, 10 murders throughout the Bay Area. One guy was stabbed in the back at Columbus and Union (by Washington Square Park). [Chron.] --Spotted: Gavin Newsom and Jennifer Siebel on a dinner date at the Slanted Door last night. [from a reader!] --The Chron Sunday Styles......

--It's June 16, which means it's Bloomsday! Commemorate the day made famous in James Joyce's Ulysses with readings from the book, music, and a special Bloomsday feast at the Mechanics' Institute. 57 Post Street (x Market), $15, saloon opens 6:30, readings begin at 7:30. --LAist Zach is coming to town as part of the CalArtsf alumni art festival: dance, spoken word, world music, animation, paintings, and lots more artistic expression at Cowell Theater and the......

Service changes! Yay! Who doesn't love service changes? Communists, that's who. The point is, Muni's announcing some service changes. You're just going to have to take our word for it, though, because as usual the information isn't on their website yet. (We once asked a Muni spokesperson: who takes care of putting info on the website? Nobody could answer that.) We'll post a rundown of the changes below. Are they good or bad? Who......

Happy Memorial Day! Here's some stuff to do if you're not barbecuing. Hey, remember that interview that SFist Rain did with Mystery Science Theater 3000's Mike Nelson last week, about his new project, Rifftrax? Download an .mp3 of the MST3K folks and play it while watching its corresponding mainstream movie! GENIUS. Well, you can see Mike yourself at RiffTrax Live tonight -- they won't say what movie's going to be screening (all we've got is......

Well, all of San Francisco politics is trivial, isn't it? Get that confirmed at tonight's 4th Annual Political Trivia Contest, featuring Chris "Whiskers" Daly, Ross Mirkarimi, and Jake McGoldrick, at a benefit for the John Muir PTA, for a spelling bee for the Western Addition. Categories of questions include: "Streets (and Transportation) of San Francisco," "Interesting Characters of San Francisco," and, in a bracing slap of reality, "Only Trivia That A Policy Wonk Would......

Monday nights are the Contemporary Jazz Orchestra Big Band nights at North Beach mainstay Jazz at Pearl's. They play the classic jazz orchestra works (Ellington, Mingus) and also some hard bop. Two shows (one at 8, one at 10), $15 + 2-drink minimum, 256 Columbus (x Pacific). Other events: --Salsa and swing dance lessons at Julie's Supper Club, with burlesque performers on the hour. 8-11 p.m., $6 after 8 p.m. (half hour lesson), $10 by......

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 67. Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 11 (including two pictures of Gavin, one of Jennifer Siebel, and director Chris Columbus.) Minority count: 4 (6%) Getty v. Traina: 2-2. Percentage of featured parties with decor designed by Stanlee Gatti: 66% (2/3). The last time Paul Discoe wore shoes: 1967. "I'm a builder. When I pour concrete, I wear zoris. And when I wear......

Everyone say hi to our newest correspondent, SFist Grace. Hi, SFist Grace! Sunday night, the SF International screened the world premiere of the film Fog City Mavericks at the Castro Theater. There were shades of Sundance as many of the films featured filmmakers and actors, including George Lucas and Robin Williams, casually red carpeted-their way to the theater, complete with flashbulbs and film cameras documenting the night. Mavericks, a new documentary by Gary Leva......