Oh yeah, we almost forgot. They're getting married this weekend somewhere in Canada at some sort of horse breeding ranch. Or wherever. Billed as an "old-fashioned wedding social," featuring "wrangler events, a cowboy cookout and barn dancing," you can read Matier and Ross getting damp over Saturday's most unholy affair here. Anyway, while we coax Beth Spotswood down from the Golden Gate Bridge with chilled vodka and a crushed Xanax, feel free to use......

This ancient picture (1999!) of this contributor blasting a wallie off this sketchy bump-to-wall was taken on 15th Street, between Mission and South Van Ness. He was 20-years-old at the time. The angle on the run-up at this spot was a little awkward and clearing that sidewalk gap was quite a leap, but from what we recall, it didn’t take us too many tries to land it. In fact, we pulled it a couple......

As if cucumber- and celery-infused vodkas haven't rocked your world enough, the latest trend in intoxication is fruit-flavored blow. The DEA has come across loads of the sweet treat, most recently finding the junk in two Modesto homes that was mixed with strawberry, coconut, lemon-lime (AKA limon), and cinnamon flavoring. While this fruity trend makes disco dust that more tempting to the youth of America, what's worse is that cocaine cut with an additional......

Take, for example, Sonoma County, which played host to one of the "biggest meth busts in the Bay Area" on Tuesday night. Three people were arrested after a trucking company in Cotati was raided by the DEA....

Better than a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow or a bowl brimming with Lucky Charms, crack retailers in Marietta, Ohio, dyed their cocaine rocks a festive green for St. Patrick's Day this year. OMG, fun! The Smoking Gun has the full report and mugshots galore, going on to say: Asked by TSG if he had ever seen drugs marketed in such a fashion, Mincks said that several years ago some......

Degrassi: The Next Generation is known for it accurate, yet sometimes vanilla portrayal of North American teenage life. Topics such as date rape, teen pregnancy, school violence, and inevitable cocaine abuse by wayward rockers are all fair game on this Canadian after-school-special-like teenage sitcom. Characters such as Manny, the school slut, Paige, the pig-faced "mean girl," and Marco, the Latino gay resonate with tweens and adults alike. One of the most unforgettable Degrassi characters is......

At the dewy-fresh hour of 6 a.m., Oakland police officers, Alameda County sheriff's deputies, and agents with the Federal Drug Enforcement Administration and the FBI went on an Oakland-wide spree of busts for heroin trafficking (as well as "cocaine and marijuana, " at least according to this morning's Mornings On 2's.)...

Oktoberfest photos...

Because a day can't go by without some sort of cocaine mention, behold: Shipped from Peru to the Netherlands, each of these (dead) little felllas were busted for transporting 10oz ($11,000) of the disco dust in their backs.......

So hey, remember that shooting that Ross Mirkarimi helped solve? According to the Chron, the cops are saying it was a vigilante father-son duo, out for revenge after the victim stole a gold chain from the son. Whoa! The son was walking to school when a group of young men held him up and took his gold chain. The son then called his father, who drove to the scene with his wife. People heard gunfire,......

Who knew he could control a pen (charcoal? Sharpie?) the same way he does a keyboard over at the SF Weekly offices? We sure didn't. And although we love Newsom -- we do, baby, we do. shhh. -- we also love us some Smith. So behold! Matt's visual artistry: To view the entire story, go here. (Beware: NSFW due to f-wording, ridiculing cocaine use [hey!], and boozing.)......

There's big legal news concerning the Barry, none of which involves Curt Schilling or Grand Juries. Oh no. Barry has just been slapped with a lawsuit by an inmate in a South Carolina prison, Jonathan Lee Riches (aka "the White Suge Knight), for fraud. No, not for breaking the record while on the juice, but for perpetuating a "Fraud Against Mankind," which Lee Riches calls "Batman and Identity Robbin." The Smoking Gun has the details, but from a quick perusal here are some of the claims made: ...

The spectrum of coke rage runs wide. It can go from harmless rolling of the eyes and a sigh to unnecessary shouting to Lindsay Lohan. For some, it goes much further. Take, for example, tenacious Juanita Marie Jones, 53, of Rochelle, GA. After receiving fake cocaine -- and, oh Jesus, the frenzy of mixed emotions one feels after buying bunk junk -- she went to the police in an effort to get her money back.......

There aren't a lot of reviews out there for Lol Tun Restaurant, on Folsom betw. 19th & 20th streets. The folks participating on Yelp generally say the food is good and cheap, but the restaurant is loud and slow. The police, on the other hand, aren't so concerned with the restaurant's food, but the 3.8 pounds of heroin, 5 oz. of ice, and 1 ounce of cocaine hydrochloride they confiscated. ...

Dodgers 6 Giants 4- Before we begin the fun, we'd like to draw your attention to a pretty interesting article by the LA Times' Bill Plaschke who writes how that two game series in '97, the Brian Johnson series, completely ruined the Dodgers for ten years. Long story short, the series devastated the team that season and knocked them out of the playoffs, making it easier for Fox to buy the Dodgers and promptly trash the franchise. Good stuff. Anyhoo, the Enchanter got Cained (our new verb for when a pitcher pitches a good game only to lose due to the Giants ineptitude) as the bullpen gave up four runs in the eighth to lose the game. The damage was done by Messer’s Kline and Messenger and is it us or does Randy Messenger look like a taller, skinner Turtle from "Entourage." As for Bonds, he did nothing of much importance but we couldn’t help but notice that when he hit what looked like a decent shot at hitting the homer, the fans stood up in excitement only to see it turn into just another fly out. When he was taken out, a huge portion of fans left the stadium and yes, it is fairly typical of Dodgers fans, but it was still a 3-2 game at the time. ...

KGO7's Dan Noyes has it that cocaine-and-booze-free Ruby Tourk has already written two chapters of a hopefully-soon-to-be-published self-help book, which will detail her “‘hitting rock bottom with Newsom after 20 years of alcoholism and coke use.’” As you remember, while married to Gavin Newsom’s former campaign manager and best buddy, Alex Tourk, Ruby was also Newsom’s party pit-stop for a spell. (And there’s the most darling Facebook picture of her tapping away at her......

Oh, Michela Alioto-Pier! Our favorite absentee supervisor finally straggled on in to an actual committee meeting, only to find out that the code of conduct she's proposing for the supervisors has loopholes big enough for a Mack truck to drive though. As you may remember, Alioto-Pier (or MAP, as we like to call her) is spearheading the push to institute a code of conduct for supervisors, after the flap about Chris Daly saying that there......

Most people can't comprehend our near OCD level obsession with Chris Daly, Ed Jew, Gavin, and the Board of Supes. So, we're cool when people ask us questions like, "How do you know this?" or "Why do you care?" or "How do you stay awake during all those board meetings?" We've gotten over it and understand most people's position, which is why we just want to say that our mental health is okay and......

Except for Mark Jackson, ACT, and a bushel of other playhouses we’re totally forgetting, sometimes it’s hard to find theatrical events in San Francisco that hit hard without leaning on antagonizing political bullshit or outrageousness in sequins. Carlo D’Amore’s hyper and “semi-autobiographical” No Parole does just that. Why? Well, it’s got cocaine! It’s got a Peruvian diva-like matriarch! It’s got riches-to-rags immigrants! It’s got a faultless one-man performance! It’s got the disenfranchised and the......

Yay! Tapioca Ed's back! Puckish commenter KWillets passes along this picture, from yesterday's Ed Jew Open House in District 4. Originally posted on Craigslist, it's somehow gotten included on Ed Jew's own webpage. KWillets has done everything on our Oh No, Ed Jew! coverage -- coming up with the name Tapioca Ed, dreaming up the LOLJEW pictures... we're just going to let KWillets cover the Ed Jew beat from here on out! Thanks, KWillets!......

--The SF Weekly writes us (us the site and you the readers!) a totally nice note about the mix-up over our dueling Day Around The Bay columns! Hugs! [The Snitch] --An ABC 7 blog doesn't think all this Chris Daly and Ed Jew stuff is funny! Of course it's funny! [ABC 7's The Kitchen Think.] --Thought today in the SFist comments were bad? It could always be worse. [Craigslist's SF Local Politics Discussion Forum.] --The......

--Gavin Newsom angrily denies Chris Daly's cocaine allegations, calls them "sleazy," and calls for everyone in the Board of Supes to condemn them. Tom Ammiano says he thought it was one of Daly's better speeches. [The Chron (and audio clip), CBS 5 (with video of Daly at the meeting and Newsom's denial), ABC 7 (also with video), Fog City, Beyond Chron, Examiner, SF Sentinel. Watch the video from SFGov here, around item 36.] --Your Two......

Here's todays news...

Last week's winner, the SF Weekly: Gosh, the Chron seems awfully enthralled with that Zodiac movie, doesn't it? Also, more on the Leno/Migden throwdown, quoting Paul Hogarth from Beyond Chron (who now supports Leno). Cover article: An awesome piece about mentally ill dogs. Who knew bordie collies got OCD? Meredith goes to the Presidio Social Club; SFist Ced gruffly concedes maybe she's been doing a good job lately. Let's Get Killed laments the new boring......

The Gavin Newsom Mea Culpa tour continues on as he put on his hair shirt on (with matching blue tie) and sat down with CBS 5's Hank Plante to talk about his rather crappy past couple of weeks. ...

This story is a few days late but still kind of relevant because it's one of those ongoing things as it's about yet another police investigation. In this case, the story about a parolee who may or may not have died after swallowing what is described as a "golf-ball size" bag of crack. ...

Yep, it finally happened. The Mighty Stephen Colbert finally let us better know a district we actually know, that being "The Fighting 6th" of California. That district, of course, is Marin County and Sonoma and the congressperson is our very own Lynn Woolsey. And all this despite our little Nancy warning her minions to stay away from Colbert. ...

We're the first to admit that we're not a big Robin Williams fan. That fast talking, manic thing got stale for us before we hit the "cocaine" unit in health class. We find his beard movies even more tiresome, but do like us some creepy Williams: in Insomnia he outacted Pacino, no mean feat, and in One Hour Photo he was only eclipsed by Michael Vartan's saggy balls. We were surprised to see that......

San Francisco is proud host of a new reality show called "How to Get the Guy" that's unfortunately not a descendant of Will and Grace, Queer Eye, The L Word, American Idol etc. Also a biodefence lab is coming to the East Bay and SFist teaches wine pairing. Getting on the wrong train sucks. Getting on the wrong train and becoming the victim of what will later be described as a "stabbing spree" really sucks.......

When will people learn that when it comes down to train vs. car, the train always wins? This one is especially sad: a man suspected of being in possession of cocaine apparently attempted to evade capture by an Alameda County sheriff's deputy by pulling in front of stopped traffic at the 66th Avenue and San Leandro Street Amtrak crossing. The train hit the car, killing him and an unrestrained toddler. What is going on in......