April, the Last R-month before September is going full throttle and our gorging on Dungeness crab and oysters, combined with the approaching swimsuit season lead us to search for a regular form of exercise. Being slackers, we know that even with a $60 a month membership, once the first week is up, we'll only hit the gym when our water boiler blows. So after contemplating joining a cheaper out-of-town YMCA to visit the Presidio YMCA as a guest, our thrifty mind saw the light at the University of San Francisco Koret Health and Recreation Center. ...

There is a place not unlike the mythical elephant graveyard that brought Jane to Tarzan, where used kitchen utensils go to rest. Cookin', located on Divisadero between Oak and Page, enjoys all the romance of the fabled elephant burial ground, and boasts of as many hidden treasures...

We just went to a birthday party for a one-year-old, and with the bikini-clad ladies, the rock-band and the wild animals, it was cooler and more elaborate than any party scheme we've come up with in recent memory. Do kids really think they can have it all, the perfect skin, the crazy parties and their parents' love and approval? Will ever-younger people take everything from their hard partying elders? Well it is time to strike back, and we'll begin at Zeum....

We want a dog so bad we've taken to following strangers in the street in the hope that they'll stop at the “don’t walk sign” and let us pet Fido. One may wonder why we haven't run to the shelter to adopt one yet. The official reason we give the weary stranger towering over us while we crouch down to scratch his pit bull’s head is that our landlord doesn't allow pets. But truth be told, our common sense buckles at the idea of having to walk a hyperactive mutt called Schnitzel at 4AM when we just barely managed to crawl back home from the Orbit Room. Fortunately there is a heaven for lazy dog lovers and it is called Alamo Square. ...

Their name's the stuff our dreams are made of but the first minute we spend at The San Francisco Chocolate Factory doesn't bode well. "Do you make the chocolate here?" We ask, our dowey eyes full of Charlie-like wonder. The clerk winces as she sets us straight. We feel her pain: for the next thirty minutes every single walk-in repeats that same question. But fear not; though the place lacks factory creds, boy, they bring on the chocolate. And the San Francisco. ...

Of all the classes we skipped to play fossball in high school, we never though we'd regret cutting Home Ec. But truth be told, after spending yet another $15 on getting slacks hemmed we're begining to stare at our useless fingers with a tinge of resentment. Fortunately there is Stitch....

Nothing gets our treasure hunting heart pounding as fast as a crowded taco truck tucked away on a parking lot. Unfortunately the delicious meal we wolf down sometimes makes our stomach heave just as fast. Fear not, we've located the healthiest taco truck south of the Department of Public Health. ...

What were we thinking? With Martin Luther King day approaching, it dawned on us that we missed our big chance, that blessed time between Christmas and New Year when we can actually take off for three weeks without using up all our paid vacation for the year. So what are we to do when our tanned co-workers rave about drinking margaritas on the Mayan riviera? Well for us, there is Blue Heaven Imports. ...

Love, valor, compassion. We always wish our new year's resolutions were more altruistic, but year after year, our desire to look better "and sexier" tops the list . On January 1st we usually pledge to streamline our wardrobe, work out like a maniac and go on a possibly life threatening diet. So to start 2007 in style we decided to get rid of all of these resolutions in one fell swoop: a 5 minute 10 lbs slimming strategy, guaranteed to spice up our sex lives and please our inner diva, AKA a corset. ...