Beware, all beardy bros and hirsute daddies! An odd but relevant CDC guide has been making the rounds as the agency prepares the nation for deep coronavirus pandemic panic, and it says your beards have to go.

The guide to "Facial Hairstyles and Filtering Facepiece Respirators" which you can see below shows how most forms of full beards, goatees, "chin curtains," "French forks" and mutton chops are not advised in the event that you want to wear a filtering face mask or respirator. Why? Because your facial hair interrupts whatever seal the mask is meant to form around your face, allowing virus-carrying particulates to enter. Therefore, only clean shaven men, or those with small mustaches and soul patches, can properly wear a face mask, while others are leaving space for contaminants and disease to enter through their beards.

As KPIX notes after picking up this story, this beard guide from the CDC is not new — it was actually created in 2017. But it resurfaced because of fears that we'll all be wearing N95 face masks soon, even though the CDC is currently only recommending the masks for healthcare professionals dealing with infected patients.

But over in the UK, fears are mounting and at least one health organization sent around the CDC facial hair guide this week as a precaution. Per the Washington Post, the University Hospital Southampton National Health Service Foundation Trust sent the beard warning out via email to all employees.

"I recognise for some this is a big ask, that beards are so popular at present," said Derek Sandeman, medical director of the trust, in the email. "However I do believe this is the right thing to do."

If nothing else, the guide is handy for describing beards and mustaches that you may not have known all had names. Who knew that that beard was called a "Garibaldi"? Or that a Hitler 'stache was called a "Toothbrush"? And everybody please stop with the chin curtains.

Photo: Jakob Owens

The man with the protean facial hair, Mr. Incredibeard, has graced us/weirded us out slightly with a recent how-to video. It's also a timelapse because it looks like this thing took forever. The subject this time is how to make a dinosaur out of the extensive hair on your face (no big). In the past, he's sported plenty of styles from the crazy (octopus) to the insane (ramen bowl). And he's now surpassed 75,000 followers on Instagram, so get following.

Previously: The Growth Of Mr. Incredibeard, Instagram Facial Hair Sculptor

Though perhaps it dates back to Monty Python, "Lumbersexuality" — the media moniker for recent trends in male style like pronounced facial hair — has existed since at least 2012.

The evidence is Mr. Incredibeard, who's been sculpting his facial hair since then and has amassed, along with the rise of this "trend," nearly 60 thousand followers on Instagram.

The man behind the beard is Isaiah Webb, who, as writes Out Magazine, has been growing his beard and fan base for a cause over these two years. Yes, Webb is cashing in on the rise of that current beard movement, with beard tips and tricks, product reviews, and even his own products like waxes and oils.

But perhaps it would be better to say that Webb stands for the movement, and he's also doing his part to cultivate a social conscience.

Per Webb's website, where "Mr. Incredibeard" branded products like t-shirts are available:

"Incredibeard is proud to connect our bearded community with World Vision, a humanitarian organization dedicated to working with children, families and impoverished communities worldwide. Incredibeard donates a portion of our profits to World Vision, which is then matched 1:1. So far this year, through Incredibeard donations, we have enabled over 250 children to have access to clean water."

Here, a few examples of Mr. Incredibeard's stylings:

How does he do it? Many have asked, so on the Mr. Incredibeard blog Webb gave us an answer. It's a long process, but the tools of the trade are: "A Comb, Hot curlers/Mini-curling iron, Hair spray, Blow dryer, Mustache wax."

If you believe in the growth of beards, and there is plenty of anecdotal evidence walking the streets of San Francisco and other urban centers, then maybe the Growth of Mr. Incredibeard sums it all up: One great, growing beard that epitomizes many.

And yes, Webb is a San Francisco Giants Fan. As folks used to say, "Fear the Beard."

Are you a male urban freelancer/professional with $7,000 to burn, an endless capacity for dressing hiply, and an inability to grow a proper, manly beard? Stop your fretting!

Plastic surgeons are now taking patches of hair from mens' heads and transplanting them on their faces in a growing craze of artificial beard generation, as DNA Info reports. It's unclear how one keeps from then having weird bald spots on one's head, especially if shooting for a full-on lumberjack beard.

The hair for beard transplants typically is taken from the patient's head — roots and all — and then planted through micro-incisions on a bare patch of face, in an eight-hour procedure under local anesthesia, similar to how hair transplants are done, doctors said.

The procedure ranges in price from $3,000 for fill-ins of beard sections to $7,000 for a full beard, doctors said.

While doctors prefer head hair, on rare occasions patients who are balding might be able to use hair from the chest for the surgery, doctors said.

So, sure, if you already are spending $4,000 on rent and have no interest in authenticity or resigning yourself to nature's limits, go for it! What could possibly go wrong?

I found at least one doctor in San Jose who does this stuff, but no doubt there are more in the city. They'll probably be leaving their names and numbers in the comments, in fact.

[DNA Info]
[NY Mag]

56-Year-Old Jeffrey Jones (pictured) of Sacramento was arrested earlier this week after he tried to hunt a moving vehicle with a spear. Judging by his Encino Man mugshot, the suspect may have mistaken the car for a buffalo.

Sacramento Police arrested Jones around 7:30 p.m. after he was spotted standing in the middle of the road near the intersection of Auburn Boulevard and Annadale Lane on the northwest side of the city. Jones' hunting grounds were across the street from 83 acres of wilderness in Del Paso Park and just a few hundred yards from Interstate-80, which we've heard is a fertile car hunting ground.

Jones didn't manage to bring down the internal combustion beast with his spear, but he did wound it pretty badly: the spear got stuck in a front fender. Jones was booked for suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon, and we're still not sure if this is actually the plot of a GEICO commercial.

[SacBee]
[AP/CBS]

A brewery in Oregon is brewing a beer using wild yeast harvested from the brewmaster's beard. What a dude thing to do, beer world. Gross. Or is it? The facial hair beer comes to you care of Newport, Oregon-based Rogue Ales. "34 years, I never shaved it," explained brewmaster John Maier, human purveyor of said yeast sample.

The beard beer's curious brew came about after the ale company tried to harvest new yeast strains from their hop yard, but nothing developed. What started out as a joke became a reality when their lab guy found a suitable sample inside Maier's old salt-and-pepper facial hair, and then used it for the company's New Crustacean brew.

Rogue Ales president Brett Joyce explained to local FOX affiliate KPTV, "We do things that we think are fun, tonge in cheek," going on to add, "Why not look for a different place that might have some magic yeast in it?" We can only hope this leads to a new trend in beer brewing using yeast culled from various body parts. Vagina beer, we fear, is not far behind.

Stephen Goldblatt snapped this excellent shot of branding and promotional expert Brian Wilson (who also occasionally plays for the San Francisco Giants) en route to AT&T Park on Friday. He's also sporting Back to the Future II sneakers, which sold for thousands and Nike flew to Wilson directly.

The last time we saw Wilson, he brought a Sasquatch to the ESPY Awards. Yeah.

[via SFGate]

Some of you might be sick of the beard, and yes, we'd love to see Brian Wilson sans his undoubtedly stinky crumb-catcher once again, but this virtual opportunity to touch Brian Wilson's beard is pretty entertaining. Honestly, we gave ourselves chills when we teased it with our mouse.

So, go ahead, give it a good stroke or two this afternoon. And be sure to click it with the mouse for some hidden treats!

McSweeny's is now selling poster-size versions (11"x17") of this image showing you how to grow Brian Wilson's noted facial hair. They run at $8 a pop. What can you do with it? "I presume they want you to hang it there as a reminder not to shave your face, not so you have something to distract yourself while you sit in your bathroom crying about how you've let yourself go over the years," muses Uptown Almanac.

Jon Adams created the piece, and we strongly suggest you get one. Buy it here.

[UA, via Ice Tubes].

Like all things hipster, we wondered just how this beard thing works and the meaning of it all. Like, the guy checking IDs at the bar had a very scruffy, mountain man beard that made him look like Zach Galifianakis. Does this make him "hipper" than some dude with just a normal beard just because it was thicker? Is that worth, say, five hipster points on the hipster/coolness scale? And what about the dude we saw riding a bike down 16th street who had some sort of Hasidic Rabbi/Matisyahu thing going? Is that considered the high end of hipsterdom, like fifteen points or twenty, because his beard was way longer than most beards? Would this, then, make him hipper than the guy checking IDs? Then there was another guy at the bar who had a normal looking beard, but topped it off with a Rollie-Fingers style handlebar moustache. How hip would he be considered? Would he be somewhere between the Zach dude and the Matisyahu dude because his beard was normal length or would he be considered hipper because while it is easy to just grow out a beard, doing the handlebar thing takes work and effort?