Ok, let's see. You all have a little less than an hour or so to fake early symptoms of bubonic plague, whopping cough, or fibromyalgia. See, start now so when you call in sick tomorrow or on Thursday, your story will sound seamless to your boss. What are we talking about? Why, we're talking about playing hooking and hitting the beach. Because it's hot. Damn hot. See, over the next few days, the Bay......

Since you've already figured out your plans for tomorrow night, what about during the day? It is Earth Day tomorrow and everyone is displacing their guilt celebrating by participating in cleanups and events around the bay. Upcoming and Going listed some of the Earth Day events and we're helpfully listing them here in hopes that we'll encourage you to get off your couch and do something useful. Cleanup Events: Ocean BeachMount TamalpaisAngel IslandContra Loma Regional......

Photo of a sexy photo shoot in front of a beach closed because of the oil spill...

-- Bonds' final, fatal backlash continues. (I wonder how he spent his day today? Ugh.) [SFGate, SF Examiner, FCJ , SFBG, The Snitch]...

The sands of Marin and San Mateo have officially reopened to the public. (We recommend hitting the beach in the fall. There's something luxurious about walking on the beach, bundled up in winter clothing.) What's more, 50 wild birds have been cleaned up and released at Pillar Point Yacht Harbor at Half Moon Bay. But what's worse, "the spill has cost the U.S. government $1.4 million, money spent on operations by the Coast Guard,......

“I was shocked,” said Board of Supervisors Prez Aaron Peskin after being asked about Gavin Newsom's whereabouts this past weekend. Same here. Word is that Gavin was in Hawaii this past weekend, kicking in the sand and surf. Has senioritis kicked in already, Mayor? Not that you could've mopped up the oil singlehandedly, but still, you should have been here. We're a sensitive lot, us SF babies. Meanwhile Bevan was our acting mayor, and......

Photo of one of the dead birds killed by our oil spill...

After yesterday's fog-induced Cosco Busan/Bay Bridge crash -- resulting in 58,000 gallons of fuel and 8,000 gallons of "heavy-duty bunker fuel oil" spilling into the Bay -- Baker Beach, Crissy Field, China Beach, Kirby Cove, and Fort Point beaches (or "beaches" to some of you purists out there) have been closed. Large blobby slicks as big as 50 yards long and 20 yards wide have been spotted off Tiburon and near Mill Valley's Bayfront......

We here at SFist would like to think we're more than snark and Gavin gossip, so with that in mind, we'd like let y'all know that tomorrow will be a San Francisco National Public Lands Day volunteer event at Crissy Field. What does this entail? Cleaning up beaches, do trail maintenance, habitat restoration, and much much others. Do good deeds, meet new people, and earn some good old-fashioned karma points (a much important things as some of us head towards our day of atonement). And if that's not enough, there's free lunch and a shopping party at the Sports Basement. Anyone who wants to go, just show up at Crissy Field by 9 and they will assign your task and place to do such task. For more information on National Public Lands Day, go to here. For more information on all of our volunteer programs in the Golden Gate National Parks, go here. ...

Admit it, the weather has been outstanding. No one can claim our high-rentian bargain of getting spectacular September weather has not been delivered in full. The beaches, parks, trails and sidewalks are the place to be weekend after weekend this month. The Love Parade was lovely and the Folsom Street Fair was crotchless chapirific. Some nights has even been warm enough to remove the long sleeves and leave the windows open overnight while the mornings......

-Yesterday, on a beautiful, sunny September afternoon (before the fog rolled in), blues was heard, butless leather chaps were worn, and freaky people danced. We stayed in....

As our summer weather continues to wear us down, beaches, parks, and other SFist open spaces beckon. We’re especially pining for the pictured Avalanche Picnic Cooler on wheels, but our trusty Coleman cooler will do. Insider Tips: steer clear of melty items like chocolate, candy, and frosted cakes. Don’t bug out, either; store food in airtight containers to avoid ants taking over. Seeing ants swarm all over your beautiful cupcakes can make even the strongest......

It makes us sad to think of all the dogs unwalked, unwashed and untrained in San Francisco. We guess this lack of walking, washing and training is because dog guardians just don’t know how to find such a service provider. Lucky for us urbanhound.com, a website that started in New York, has come to the rescue with a San Francisco version. It is a central source of all the same ads that already appear in......

This has been a rough week for your -ist pals, though you wouldn't know it from the great posts all over the network. Plagued with server problems, our tech team (led by the great Neil Epstein) toiled around the clock to solve the glitches as they arose. Seriously, we've said, typed, and thought the phrase "server problems" more in the past week than we have for the last 35 years combined. Why not say it......

Many of us were disconcerted by the stories of forced abandonment of animals by their guardians in the wake of disasters, and asked ourselves "How would our dumb-ass cats fare on their own? Maybe if they were forced to fare for themselves, they'd finally appreciate how freakin' good thay have it. Yeah!" It looks like we're getting closer to never having to find out just how well Mr. Sniffy can operate a can opener, as......

There was a lot of gentle sobbing, some out and out bawling and lots of grown men surreptitiously wiping their eyes at the Kabuki Theatre on Tuesday night. At one point we were distracted from our own sniveling by the sound of low-level keening coming from the row behind us and the realization the whole theatre was erupting in choked-back sobs and loud sniffles. Abduction is a documentary about the 1977 kidnapping of 13-year-old......

What an ambient summer week it's been and it's very likely to continue through the weekend. In fact, turkey wings crossed it will extend clear through the Thanksgiving weekend food coma. What do we owe this warm air, absence of damp Pacific winds and non-chilly evenings to? A giant high (pressure that is) holding court over the massive expanse of the Great Basin Desert (aka Nevada) which is pushing warm inland air over the western......

Sure we can easily forget the amazing weather we just have and will have now that the sky is grey and cloud cover is returning. But not this time. No sir. We weatherists are doing some non-scientific gut forecasting and preparing for some more super weather. Of course our Far East and Deep South Bay readers wonder when the good weather possibly could have stopped, but much of us sat under clouds and fog......

Every now and then, the coastside beckons SFist, and the city-dweller takes to Highway 1 to see what can be found. Beaches fronting bays full of wet-suited surfers, sheer cliffs, fog-shrouded hills with or without clusters of houses clinging to the craggy edge -- it's mostly gorgeous, but natural beauty appreesh is tiring and requires much quality fuel. But where to go? One shopping strip looks a lot like the next one, and surely......

Further amplifying the rivalry between here and there, the San Francisco Convention and Visitors' Bureau has launched a new website, called Not in L.A.. Supposedly, this is going to lure Angelenans up what they call "the 5" to visit us in the winter. Now, we're always happy to host SoCal-ers on their trips north, and sure, we have lovely skiing in Tahoe, and we have no issues with the SF Visitors' Bureau (since we can buy our FastPasses with a credit card there and all) -- but, um, why? It's like those weird ads for San Diego that were basically like, "Your foggy city sucks [creepy Teletubbies-like smiling sun logo]." ("WE don't need to layer," "Your beaches are dirty and kill people," etc.) How much better are New Zealand's ads, "From one beautiful city to another: Auckland!" It doesn't seem like inflaming intrastate rivalries are the best way to encourage others to come visit, is all we're saying. ...