Aaieeeee!! Just when you thought the Another Hole In The Head Indiefest horror film fest was over and it was safe to go back outside..... NO!!! Local stand-up splatter comics the Primitive Screwheads are presenting their blood-soaked Night of the Living Dead show, that both mocks -- and fears! -- the zombies stalking our land. $21, Doors at 7, show at 8, at the Hole in the Head Playhouse at 1333 Indiana (x 25th, in......

Lotta stuff going on today, a lot of which we've mentioned before: Another Hole In The Head continues and the Black Film Festival gets started! Also, it's the Berkeley Edge Fest. Here's some other stuff too. --Ha ha ha ha ha ha!! It's Critical Ass! There's a naked bike ride to protest overuse of fossil fuels. Noon, starting at Justin Herman Plaza. Don't forget the sunscreen. --Well, this is an unfortunate segue: SF Recycling is......

You've still got the Berkeley World Music Festival today, and Indiefest's Hole in the Head fantasy/sci-fi/horror film fest is in full swing! Your other options include: --This looks like a can't-miss! ACT is presenting Fields of Gold, a musical about Amish teens in the throes of rumspringa (sampling the modern world). Set to the music of Sting. We quote: The songbook of Fields of Gold features a mix of Sting and The Police’s most beloved......

Ever misplaced a grocery or to-do list? Your lost note could appear in Lost and Found in the Mission, a play based on true stories salvaged from scraps of papers found around the Mission District. The production, by Boathouse & Co., includes songs, dancing, beat-boxing and mass hallucinations. Tickets are available on a sliding scale ($15-$25), here, show starts at 8pm. Mama Calizo's Voice Factory in the Jon Sims Center for Performing Arts, 1519......

Last week's winner, the SF Weekly: the "winner" for the female synonym for cock-block is "clitoris-no-more-us." SFist Jackson's snatch-latch was so much better! Matt Smith hates the Chron (Laguna Honda overrun edition). Cover article: Roller derby girls. Meredith Brody goes back to the Ferry Building, and the vegan also goes to Cafe Gratitude. Music: Sleater-Kinney, one week late. And Savage Love: politics. The Bay Guardian: Dude, you gotta check out the letters! dreamy Matt Gonzalez on his commitment to gay rights, the phrase "punk Chris Daly school-yard bullies," and high dudgeon at the SF School District! Plus: editorial by the original punk school-yard bully himself, on homelessness! And a dude in Berkeley almost-just-quite managed to squat his way to full-out home ownership! Man, what have we done this week? Nothing. Also, there's lead-tainted candy in the Mission. Annalee Newitz loves Vader, J-town hates Starbucks. Cover article: Mission Creek Music/Arts Fest! Chocolate in the East Bay and the pick of the week after the jump....

So you want to be a hooker? Want a new profession doing the world's oldest profession? Want to learn some new tips for turning tricks? Well SFist has just the thing for you! On May 4th, you too can attend Whore College. Yep, for the cheap price of $20 per class, $40 for a day pass, you can take a whole bunch of classes that teach you how to be a ho. Afterwards, you can even earn a diploma, and nothing impresses a John more than a whore with a diploma (not that SFist would ever know, of course). Sadly, they won't be offering our favorite classes this year such as "Deconstructing Guido the Killer Pimp," "Crack Whores Through History" and "How to Get a White House Press Pass," but we're sure if there's enough demand, they can add it. Best part of all this? You can get a scholarship! The classes are part of the 4th Annual Sex Worker Film & Arts Fest, Sex Worker, of course, being the nice, politically correct term for a hooker (SFist, being the essence of politically correct, often refers to the toothless crone who always propositions us on the way to work as a "Crack Sex Worker.") Among other things, the 4th Annual Sex Worker Film & Arts Fest, or BAYSWAN for short, features films, a sex toy bazaar, an art exhibit, a performance by Annie Sprinkle, and burlesque shows. All of which raises this question: if conventions are notorious for being great opportunities for hookers to turn tricks, who is around to turn tricks at a hooker convention? ...